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The Emotionally Absent Mother

A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed
Narrated by: Emily Durante
Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (48 ratings)

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Summary

Was your mother too busy, too tired, or too checked out to provide you with the nurturing you needed as a child? Men and women who were "undermothered" as children often struggle with intimate relationships, in part because of their unmet need for maternal care.

The Emotionally Absent Mother will help you understand what was missing from your childhood, how this relates to your mother's own history, and how you can fill the "mother gap" by:

  • Examining the past with compassion for yourself and your mother
  • Finding the child inside of you and learning to mother yourself
  • Opening to the archetype of the good mother
  • Allowing friends and loved ones to provide support, guidance, and other elements of good mothering that you missed

Psychotherapist Jasmin Lee Cori traces perceived personal "defects" back to mothering deficits, relieving self-blame. And by teaching today's undermothered adults to cultivate the mothering they missed, she helps them secure happier futures - for themselves and their children.

©2010 Jasmin Lee Cori (P)2015 Tantor

Critic reviews

"This book is a revelation to those of us whose mothering was short of what we needed." (Connie Dawson, PhD, coauthor of Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children)

What listeners say about The Emotionally Absent Mother

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    3 out of 5 stars

So helpful

This book really has help to relieve the sense of guilt I'd been feeling at not being able to get along with my now needy recently widowed mother.
I finally understand the mechanics of our relationship and I'm able to be more relaxed about it being just what it is and knowing it's not my fault I'm not a bad daughter!

7 people found this helpful

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Very helpful

This is a book I wish many people could read to grasp their story.

6 people found this helpful

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Just brilliant

Deep and touching upon so many issues. I've got years' experience going to therapy and reading self-help book, but this one has been a revelation. It actually answered every single question I had and I've learned so much about myself. A real eye-opener and a great self-discovery journey supported by excellent advice. Really enjoyed reading this book!

2 people found this helpful

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Couldn’t even get half way through

I got this years ago and tried it again but I couldn’t even finish it! Got part way through chapter 4 and I have given up. I felt it was just listing things over and over and quite depressing. Maybe it’s more for someone studying psychology than someone looking to do personal development and work on relationships. It’s just not for me. This is the first audiobook I haven’t completed.

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Amazing book!

Very helpful book for anyone who can't go to therapy, amazing self help book, love it!

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  • Ame
  • 02-05-16

This book will save you years of therapy

I have been in and out of therapy for 25 years and have never come across such a powerful self help resource as this book. It is clear, concise, and every word has impact. I cannot express my gratitude for how this book is helping me understand my mother, myself, my relationships, and my fellow human beings. Thank you Jasmin Lee Cori for helping the under mothered of this world.

14 people found this helpful

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  • Viktoria
  • 16-02-17

one word: healing

If you could sum up The Emotionally Absent Mother in three words, what would they be?

helped me heal

What did you like best about this story?

I liked that this is not a blame game for mothers. It's about making us understand why mothers did what they did. That helped me so much to see my mother differently and it helped me to stop blaming her, she was a victim of life circumstances herself. This book is amazing. In just these hours it took me to listen to it I made more progress than in 40 years of my life.

Have you listened to any of Emily Durante’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

no

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

no, but it opened my heart

Any additional comments?

I think this book replaces lifetime of therapy

8 people found this helpful

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  • Amazzzing
  • 09-07-16

Great!

If you were under mothered, it will give you ideas on how to improve your view of life and practice exercises to get a new life.
Didn't like the narrator though. Felt like she was going to "faint on me."
First couple of sentences were a bit "abrasive" to my ears, but then it got better.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Susan
  • 19-06-16

Poignant & Helpful...

Not coming from an overt abusive mother I couldn't pin point why I feel so distant & hurt at times in my relationship w/ her. But The author here gives specific behaviors of how mothers & daughters 'connect' or don't and how the 'psychological patterns' of the mother effect the connectedness to the Dtr. The focus is on the Dtrs healing which Provides hope. The so thot discusses 10 characteristics of a 'good mother' and encourages reflection to whether you got that or not. Not leaving you hanging if you didn't get that good love from your mother, she goes on to encourage healing. She provides specific things, that as an adult, U can put into action- which I have found effective. Although not having a good mother, is no place anyone wants to find themselves…the book to me was informative and helpful.

7 people found this helpful

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  • E Fernando
  • 18-06-20

Transformative and healing

I listened to this book over the course of a couple of months while journaling what it brought up for me. This book was the basis for my transformative healing. The first half of the book validated everything I had experienced but had spent years thinking I was making up. And then the second half gently led me forward, teaching me how to heal,take care of myself and so much more . By the end if the book I was truly a different person. It was incredible. I am so grateful for this book. Listening to the audible version was also very relaxing. I could take it all in while lying with my eyes closed.

1 person found this helpful

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  • joann celeste
  • 03-12-17

Great book!

A must read for anyone who has had a preoccupied mother. This book allows for true healing to take place.

1 person found this helpful

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  • tiffany
  • 17-09-18

good book

really enjoyed this book, very insightful and healing I would recommend this book to friends

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  • Elena Posea
  • 14-08-18

Recommend

Easy to listen to, very hands on in my opinion, I recommend also trying the exercises (at home or other private place)

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  • Gaylena Collins
  • 10-05-17

Excellent book

Excellent book, it was very insightful and painfully helpful for me. I'll have to buy the paper back and go through it again.

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  • Hans S
  • 11-08-16

Overrared

Some interesting material written(spoken) in an overbearing manner with incomprehensible solutions. Read material by Dr. Lindsay Gibson instead.

3 people found this helpful