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Summary

Everyone thrives on love, comfort, and the safety of family, friends, and community. But if you are denied these basic comforts early in life through a lack of physical affection or emotional bonding, you may develop intense fears of abandonment that can last well into adulthood - fears so powerful that they can actually cause you to push people away. If you suffer from fears of abandonment, you may have underlying feelings of anger, shame, fear, anxiety, depression, and grief. These emotions are intense and painful, and when they surface they can lead to a number of negative behaviors, such as jealousy, clinging, and emotional blackmail.

In Love Me, Don't Leave Me, therapist Michelle Skeen combines acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), schema therapy, and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) to help you identify the root of your fears. In this book you'll learn how schema coping behaviors - deeply entrenched and automatic behaviors rooted in childhood experiences and fears - can take over and cause you to inadvertently sabotage your relationships. By recognizing these coping behaviors and understanding their cause, you will gain powerful insights not only into your own mind but also into the minds of those around you.

©2014 Michelle Skeen (P)2016 Tantor

Critic reviews

"[Skeen's] writing is concise and wonderfully clear, with many excellent exercises to give the reader the opportunity to make actual positive changes." (Randi Gunther, author of Relationship Saboteurs)

What listeners say about Love Me, Don't Leave Me

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great food for thought

this book has given me definitely a lot to think about and has opened my eyes in the patterns we follow without being aware of it. made me view things from a different perspective. also a great narrator.

1 person found this helpful

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Life Changing

After a deeply painful relationship, I decided that I really needed to change the pattern that has been playing out my whole life.
As tough as this book is and the turbulence of emotion that it invokes in you, it is a fantastic read.
It’s not really a book it’s more of a work book as you’re required to journal your thoughts and past situations to help support your learning and growth.
This book has changed my life , as it has highlighted areas in myself that I was unconscious of.
I hope going forward I can put these actions into practice for my future relationships.
I hope whoever reads this gets the support that it gave me
Blessings to all , you all deserve to be loved and not left

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wish I had this years ago

wish I had this years ago, really enlightening. only issue with it is the last chapter on dating. for one it is heteronormative. the message is "don't date men who have issues with abandonment because they are not perfect, but it is ok for you (women) to be imperfect from your issues of abandonment. where is the compassion here for men to be flawed and for us to work on our issues together? why not include LGBTQ people as the audience?

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Lists and repeats

I didn’t get much out of the book lots of mundane lists and repeated terminology without explanation
Very boring

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  • Justin McAdams
  • 15-02-18

Helpful book by a very knowledgeable psychotherapist

This book is great for anyone dealing with triggers related to insecure attachment. I had never heard of schema theory/ therapy, but reading this book has helped me understand why and when I do the things I do. The author writes very clearly and concisely and the activities she gives are very very helpful. She also has PDFs on her website. I even emailed her and she offered to speak with me via Skype about some of my specific questions. A+ book would def recommend.

14 people found this helpful

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  • Karen Y Lin
  • 14-03-18

30% is in workbook format, not ideal for reading

love the content but not ideal for audible format. I would buy the book version because the content is great.

14 people found this helpful

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  • Theresa
  • 06-03-18

Wow wow wow! Packed with great info!

What made the experience of listening to Love Me, Don't Leave Me the most enjoyable?

I've listened to many audio books and although some were very good, this one was EXCELLENT! This book may contain all the info that anyone could ever need in order to find and keep a happy/healthy relationship. My confidence in healing past wounds has grown tremendously since listening, and I feel that I have all the tools I need in order to determine what I do and don't want in a relationship, to be able to recognize warning signs in myself and potential partners and dating partners, and to manage my fears without letting them damage a budding healthy romantic relationship! So thankful for this book!

10 people found this helpful

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  • Chelsea Harrel
  • 12-05-20

Very Powerful Yet Painful Book

This was a very good book, but it is emotionally draining. Important to take small bites each day with it.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Christian
  • 18-11-20

1 chapter worth of content repeated across a book

Get the cliffnotes. This book is unnecessarily repetitive, negative, and a waste of time and money. If you have money to burn, listen to the first then skip to the last two chapters.

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  • lucas'mom
  • 27-08-19

Wonderful guide

This book is amazing. Has lots of evaluations. The best thing is she gets to the root of what might be happening to you so you can understand why you are reacting the way you are. She gives you help literally and tells you how to recognize that you’ve been triggered and how to deal with it. How to recognize it and formulate new coping mechanisms. I’m buying this in paperback too.

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  • sony
  • 31-01-17

Mental self help

Excellent adult self help book
Teach you abandonment and coping skill
Teach how to communicate better without negative past baggage.
Teach you listen better skills

6 people found this helpful

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  • MMC
  • 13-04-17

Very insightful and applicable.

This book caused me to consider my childhood experienced being away from my parents and how much they have impacted my life.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 09-09-21

Amazing book

This book answered many questions I had about attachment styles & my patterns in relationships. I finally realized why I had certain behaviors.

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  • AmazonJunkie
  • 23-02-21

Life Changing

Listened and read the book multiple times. Every soul out there with abandonment issues can relate to the scenarios presented in this book. They are real life for sure.