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It's Not You

How to Identify and Heal from Narcissistic People

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It's Not You

By: Ramani Durvasula
Narrated by: Ramani Durvasula
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About this listen

Brought to you by Penguin.

INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES AND SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER

From clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic relationships Dr Ramani Durvasula, discover the inspiring guide to protecting and healing yourself from the daily harms of narcissism.

REDISCOVER WHO YOU ARE AFTER YEARS OF INVALIDATION

Dealing with a narcissist is hard.

One day their confidence and charisma pull you in, the next day they gaslight, wreck your self-confidence and leave you wondering what you could have done differently. Clinical psychologist and narcissism expert Dr Ramani is here to help.

Drawing on more than 20 years of studying, teaching and helping people navigate the challenging landscape of narcissism, It’s Not You will show you how to:

  • Spot the tell-tale signs of a narcissist
  • Confront toxic cycles
  • Protect your energy
  • Create realistic boundaries
  • Reclaim and embrace your true self


Packed with expert tips and detailed advice, this book will equip you with the tools to stop blaming yourself, regain your power, heal and take back your life.

'A compassionate road map and survival guide for people in narcissistic relationships' Jay Shetty, bestselling author of Think Like a Monk and The 8 Rules of Love
‘A must read. Dr Ramani will teach you how to heal from any toxic relationship’ Mel Robbins, bestselling author of The Let Them Theory

©2024 Ramani Durvasula (P)2024 Penguin Audio

©2024 Ramani Durvasula (P)2024 Penguin Audio Abuse Best of 2024 Dysfunctional Families Dysfunctional Relationships Love, Dating & Attraction Mental Health Mental Health Awareness Parenting & Families Personal Development Personality Disorders Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships Self-Esteem Health Inspiring

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Critic reviews

“A compassionate roadmap and survival guide for people in narcissistic relationships, helping them understand how to heal and thrive during and after these challenging relationships.” - Jay Shetty
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Most relevant
This book has changed my life. Struggling to release myself from a malignant narcissist estranged husband this book came at exactly the right time. It has enabled me to finally realise after many many years of abuse that it's not me. It is such a relief to have this book validate what I already knew. More importantly it provides help, advise and strategies on how to cope with a narcissist. This will always remain an important and necessary book in my life as being an empath I'm easily manipulated by narcissists and now have the tools to cope with the narcissistic personalities surrounding me. Thank you Dr. Durvasula xxx

Life Changing

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What a gem of a book for anyone who has a Narcissist in their life or suspects it. The biggest take away is that they won’t change and you need to realise this and start to heal and she gives strategies for staying or leaving.

Aha moments with this book!

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I cannot stress how critical this book is! life changing! Please get this book! It is
so comprehensive and Dr Ramni so compassionately covers so many of the complicated and intricate elements of narcissism. The book i needed ❤️

This Book is so NEEDED

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I have been eagerly awaiting this book: Dr Ramani is so careful to give us the most accurate information: I believe this is because she truly cares about our healing (the reader/experiencer of narcissistic abuse). This is not an easy subject to break-down, & make understandable: but she can: so happy to have this book..

Incredible knowledge & advice.

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I have been listening to Dr Ramani's youtube videos but listening her reading from her book is another experience. The overall content of the book "It's Not You" is convincing and those at whom the book fucuses can see themselves in it. It feels like a biographical account of your inner feelings. At least it made me feel that I am not delusional or crazy.
Thank you Dr Ramani, you are doing a meaningful work for humanity. More power to you. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

The constant rhythm of the story telling and its alignment with the main argument

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