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The Gaslight Effect

How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life
Narrated by: Nan Mcnamara
Length: 9 hrs and 34 mins
4.5 out of 5 stars (9 ratings)
Regular price: £26.29
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Summary

Are You Being Gaslighted? 

Check for these telltale signs: 

  • You constantly second-guess yourself. 
  • You wonder, "Am I being too sensitive?" a dozen times a day. 
  • You wonder frequently if you are a "good enough" girlfriend/wife/employee/friend/daughter. 
  • You have trouble making simple decisions. 
  • You think twice before bringing up innocent topics of conversation. 
  • You frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to friends and family. 
  • Before your partner comes home from work, you run through a checklist in your head to anticipate anything you might have done wrong that day. 
  • You buy clothes for yourself, furnishings for your apartment, or other personal purchases thinking about what your partner would like instead of what would make you feel great. 
  • You actually start to enjoy the constant criticism, because you think, "What doesn't kill me will make me stronger." 
  • You start speaking to your husband through his secretary so you don't have to tell him things you're afraid might upset him. 
  • You start lying to avoid the put-downs and reality twists. 
  • You feel as though you can't do anything right. 
  • You frequently wonder if you're good enough for your lover. 
  • Your kids start trying to protect you from being humiliated by your partner. 
  • You feel hopeless and joyless. 

Your husband crosses the line in his flirtations with another woman at a dinner party. When you confront him, he asks you to stop being insecure and controlling. After a long argument, you apologize for giving him a hard time. 

Your boss backed you on a project when you met privately in his office, and you went full steam ahead. But at a large gathering of staff - including yours - he suddenly changes his tune and publicly criticizes your poor judgment. When you tell him your concerns for how this will affect your authority, he tells you that the project was ill-conceived and you'll have to be more careful in the future. You begin to question your competence. 

Your mother belittles your clothes, your job, your friends, and your boyfriend. But instead of fighting back as your friends encourage you to do, you tell them that your mother is often right and that a mature person should be able to take a little criticism. 

If you think things like this can't happen to you, think again. Gaslighting is when someone wants you to do what you know you shouldn't and to believe the unbelievable. It can happen to you and it probably already has. 

©2007 Dr. Robin Stern (P)2018 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

"Compassionate and honest in equal parts, The Gaslight Effect is like a sturdy, truth-telling friend in difficult times. Robin Stern will show you you're not alone in your toxic relationship, and she'll also help you identify your role and how to change - and be a stronger, wiser person as a result." (Rachel Simmons, best-selling author of Odd Girl Out)
"An essential survival tool. In a clear, comforting, and sophisticated voice, therapist Robin Stern takes her psychologically abused readers on a step-by-step journey that will help them take control of their lives and their destinies." (Phyllis Chesler, PhD, author of Woman's Inhumanity To Woman)

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A guiding light in the darkness confusion caused by gaslighting

This book is essential reading for anyone who has been, or is, in an emotionally abusive relationship. In fact it would be helpful for anyone to read as anyone can be sucked into a psychologically abusive relationship as they start so subtly you don’t realise it’s happening until it’s too late. But this book makes sense of it all - how it happens and what to do about it!
Thank you for writing this book.

3 of 3 people found this review helpful

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  • A. Demas
  • 14-08-18

Tough topic but important

This is so prevalent but important to read. It isn't the most enjoyable book but one to read for great awareness.

5 of 5 people found this review helpful

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  • Jk
  • 28-03-18

Political stuff... really?

I didn’t get this book to listen about the “gaslighting” of the Trump administration. Just irritated me.

29 of 39 people found this review helpful

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  • Shalonda Blanding
  • 22-07-18

The Gaslight Book it self is Gaslighting.

Who ever written the book, was angry with people they have came across in there life.
I was looking for a little more Spirit in the book.
I really would like my money back.

4 of 6 people found this review helpful

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  • Utilisateur anonyme
  • 06-09-18

No stars - authors view lacks balance and scientific foundation

I was able to tolerate about half of this. The opinions presented lack a requisite broader view of relationship and human dynamics, the role of shared value systems, the importance of compromise in relationships, an overall understanding of equity and balance in relationships with complete disregard and / or ignorance of the concept of invalidation. It is my opinion that the author should avoid politics completely and seek a more neutral approach.

I fail to understand how this material is in any way new but rather, a poor attempt at conflating liberal philosophy with a pseudo-scientific, surface understanding of gas lighting and narcissism to support an unbalanced approach to relationships.

If you believe you’re dealing with a “gas-lighter”, I would suggest spending your money and time on material dealing with narcissistic behavior and how to address.

3 of 5 people found this review helpful

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  • Victoria
  • 14-02-19

Life changing

So helpful for me, and really great narrator. So often the narrator is a huge distraction, but the book and the narrator go well together.

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  • Cyndi Holder
  • 12-02-19

Very Helpful

This book was very enlightening.. it was informative and helpful. I loved it from beginning to end.

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  • Dallas Tanner
  • 15-01-19

Complete man bashing trash.

She tries to take credit for popularizing the term Gaslighting 10 years ago... try 1938. she is the one actually gaslighting, I'm not falling victim to it.

1 of 2 people found this review helpful

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  • twinkids
  • 30-12-18

Solutions, Strategies & Hope

I learned so much from this book. I went from being a confused victim to learning how to empower MYSELF and stop the dance. One of the best books I've ever read !! Unstuck now

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  • Courtenay
  • 20-12-18

I loved it because its harshly honest and needed

nothing has come close to explaining my issues better. its honest and impactful. happy I found it

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  • Stephanie A Hannahs
  • 14-12-18

Insightful

Plenty of examples and tips for seeing what is happening, understanding why it happens, how it evolves if it is allowed to continue and most important how to "turn off the gas". Highly recommend for everyone. This happens enough times in our lives to warrant devoting a few hours to this book in order to becoming familiar with this phenomenon and how to handle it when it arises. You'll likely be more attuned to your behavior, bookmark passages, implement suggestions and re-listen!