
Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship
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Narrated by:
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Angela Brazil
About this listen
People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be intensely caring, warm, smart, and funny, but their behavior often drives away those closest to them. If you're struggling in a tumultuous relationship with someone with BPD, this is the book for you. Dr. Shari Manning helps you understand why your spouse, family member, or friend has such out-of-control emotions and how to change the way you can respond. Learn to use simple yet powerful strategies that can defuse crises, establish better boundaries, and radically transform your relationship. Empathic, hopeful, and science based, this is the first book for family and friends grounded in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), the most effective treatment for BPD.
©2011 Guilford Press (P)2015 TantorCritic reviews
exercises and 6 levels of validation
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I have this disorder and this book is excellent
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This book helped me hugely. I recommend reading it.
Having it on audible is double the value of the paper copy because you can hear the tone of voice required, not just the words.
This will help you save your loved ones life. Literally.
First class life saver
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I feel like I underestimated the size and the depth of this book when I first picked it up. The intro is quite light, but before long it begins to very thoroughly map a complex condition in the context of close relationships. It approaches the subject from the viewpoint of the other person, in recognising and responding to behaviours of the person with BPD.
The book is very matter of fact, and describes a very wide spectrum of emotionally driven, impulsive behaviours, with examples of scenarios. Each scenario assists the reader in breaking down cause and effect, and gives step by step guidance on how to best assist a person, whilst not making things worse, enabling destructiveness or putting yourself at risk.
As I said, it is very thorough. It deals with the most difficult elements of 'loving someone with BPD' and for anyone reading who has experienced trauma or is still going through traumatic times, please use caution.
The realness of the descriptions, and the extreme difficulties expressed in the book at engaging with people on all sides of the situation can be really heavy to hear, especially if/when it describes your own lived experiences. I took plenty of breaks.
The book is aimed at families of people with BPD, and there's no doubt that there is a huge amount of excellent information in this book. Shari Manning, Ph.D is a leader in the treatment of BPD and I feel like she wanted to share as much information as possible whatever the weather, and I'd suggest that some of it is probably more useful to professionals than family members as it assumes the reader is themselves able to regulate their emotions and act responsibly in a high care relationship, and honestly? There's a lot to take in. There's a directory of cognitive empathy techniques, with a lot of steps and a lot of variables, and if you're going to use it effectively in your daily life you will need to read and reread and study this book like you're back at school.
The thing that stands out the most for me, is that the person in the middle (me, in my case) MUST engage with their own treatment. DBT is recommended repeatedly throughout the book, and it is one very good place to start because it inspires self awareness and encourages competency in dealing with difficult emotions. Beyond that, a person can be helped infinitely more, but unless the person with BPD is willing to work, they will remain at the mercy of their impulsive behaviour, and a challenge for anyone, even well qualified professionals, to help.
The book is a very worthy read. I cried a lot, so there's plenty of meaning, and it is a very raw account of a relationship with a person with BPD. Perhaps it could be more accessibly written for a wider audience, but this is a very good book by a highly respected Ph.D, sharing the wealth of her life's work, and I'm very grateful, considering that there is still a lot of general misunderstanding and mistreatment of people with treatable mental health conditions, and this book cuts through many myths and stigmas to deliver a thorough and honest attempt at a lifeline for families, partners and friends of people with BPD, so it's very worthy
Extremely thorough
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important listen
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New understanding of what BPD is and it's effects.
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Great Help with Positive approach
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Very helpful
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Brilliant book.
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It’s okay
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