Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder cover art

Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship

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Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

By: Shari Y. Manning PhD
Narrated by: Angela Brazil
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About this listen

People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be intensely caring, warm, smart, and funny, but their behavior often drives away those closest to them. If you're struggling in a tumultuous relationship with someone with BPD, this is the book for you. Dr. Shari Manning helps you understand why your spouse, family member, or friend has such out-of-control emotions and how to change the way you can respond. Learn to use simple yet powerful strategies that can defuse crises, establish better boundaries, and radically transform your relationship. Empathic, hopeful, and science based, this is the first book for family and friends grounded in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), the most effective treatment for BPD.

©2011 Guilford Press (P)2015 Tantor
Mental Health Mood Disorders Personal Development Personality Disorders Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships Social Sciences Health Funny Mood Bipolar

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Critic reviews

"Research based, clearly written, and practical, this guide to a complex disorder is highly recommended." ( Library Journal)
Most relevant  
Good book, I like that it dives into details of bpd thinking patterns. I don't have bpd but I find what to use in my life that helps with anxiety from this book. Also, I improved communication with someone I know who has bpd.Thank you.

exercises and 6 levels of validation

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This is an excellent book. Helps understand my condition a lot better. Thank you so much

I have this disorder and this book is excellent

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If your loved one had bpd or eupd or even an eating disorder you probably feel pretty helpless, even desperate.

This book helped me hugely. I recommend reading it.

Having it on audible is double the value of the paper copy because you can hear the tone of voice required, not just the words.

This will help you save your loved ones life. Literally.

First class life saver

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I have a recent diagnosis of BPD, and I've done DBT and I'm recovering from a very difficult time. I finally realise how serious my health is, so I've decided to learn as much about my condition(s) as I can, and this is the first 'DBT' title that I've read.

I feel like I underestimated the size and the depth of this book when I first picked it up. The intro is quite light, but before long it begins to very thoroughly map a complex condition in the context of close relationships. It approaches the subject from the viewpoint of the other person, in recognising and responding to behaviours of the person with BPD.
The book is very matter of fact, and describes a very wide spectrum of emotionally driven, impulsive behaviours, with examples of scenarios. Each scenario assists the reader in breaking down cause and effect, and gives step by step guidance on how to best assist a person, whilst not making things worse, enabling destructiveness or putting yourself at risk.

As I said, it is very thorough. It deals with the most difficult elements of 'loving someone with BPD' and for anyone reading who has experienced trauma or is still going through traumatic times, please use caution.
The realness of the descriptions, and the extreme difficulties expressed in the book at engaging with people on all sides of the situation can be really heavy to hear, especially if/when it describes your own lived experiences. I took plenty of breaks.

The book is aimed at families of people with BPD, and there's no doubt that there is a huge amount of excellent information in this book. Shari Manning, Ph.D is a leader in the treatment of BPD and I feel like she wanted to share as much information as possible whatever the weather, and I'd suggest that some of it is probably more useful to professionals than family members as it assumes the reader is themselves able to regulate their emotions and act responsibly in a high care relationship, and honestly? There's a lot to take in. There's a directory of cognitive empathy techniques, with a lot of steps and a lot of variables, and if you're going to use it effectively in your daily life you will need to read and reread and study this book like you're back at school.

The thing that stands out the most for me, is that the person in the middle (me, in my case) MUST engage with their own treatment. DBT is recommended repeatedly throughout the book, and it is one very good place to start because it inspires self awareness and encourages competency in dealing with difficult emotions. Beyond that, a person can be helped infinitely more, but unless the person with BPD is willing to work, they will remain at the mercy of their impulsive behaviour, and a challenge for anyone, even well qualified professionals, to help.

The book is a very worthy read. I cried a lot, so there's plenty of meaning, and it is a very raw account of a relationship with a person with BPD. Perhaps it could be more accessibly written for a wider audience, but this is a very good book by a highly respected Ph.D, sharing the wealth of her life's work, and I'm very grateful, considering that there is still a lot of general misunderstanding and mistreatment of people with treatable mental health conditions, and this book cuts through many myths and stigmas to deliver a thorough and honest attempt at a lifeline for families, partners and friends of people with BPD, so it's very worthy

Extremely thorough

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very good and very informative. life would be alot easier for many of us if everyone was taught about the topics in this book.

important listen

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Listening to this book has given me a new perspective on where I failed my close friend with BPD. I wish I had listened to this when I first met her and hope I'm able to use the knowledge to be a better friend to her and everyone in my life. I feel like before I was stumbling around in the dark and would only accidentally be the friend she deserved, this book flicked the light on.

New understanding of what BPD is and it's effects.

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This book has change my paradigm about people with BPD or simmilar problems. The way things are explained in this book and examples given are clear and very easy to digest.

Great Help with Positive approach

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A very helpful and informative source of information on BPD. Provides invaluable advice for friends and relatives of sufferers.

Very helpful

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This book truly breaks with the stigma of BPD. it shows the people with this disorder in a compassionate caring way and provides people who are close to such a person with understanding and tools to cope and help their loved one. I would really recommend this book to anyone even people who never come across a person with BPD. And this is mainly because this book is very professional and at the same time is about compassion, understanding and helping people with BPD rather then a warning to run away... finally, on top of brilliant content the narration is very, very good too!

Brilliant book.

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This book is perfect for anyone who is only just starting to learn about BPD - it has very basic information and is easy to understand. The narrator is a bit hard to listen but definitely not the worse I’ve listened to.

It’s okay

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