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How to Have Impossible Conversations

A Very Practical Guide

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How to Have Impossible Conversations

By: Peter Boghossian, James Lindsay
Narrated by: Peter Boghossian
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About this listen

 From politics and religion to workplace negotiations, ace the high-stakes conversations in your life with this indispensable guide from a persuasion expert.

In our current political climate, it seems impossible to have a reasonable conversation with anyone who has a different opinion. Whether you're online, in a classroom, an office, a town hall—or just hoping to get through a family dinner with a stubborn relative—dialogue shuts down when perspectives clash. Heated debates often lead to insults and shaming, blocking any possibility of productive discourse. Everyone seems to be on a hair trigger.

In How to Have Impossible Conversations, Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay guide you through the straightforward, practical, conversational techniques necessary for every successful conversation—whether the issue is climate change, religious faith, gender identity, race, poverty, immigration, or gun control. Boghossian and Lindsay teach the subtle art of instilling doubts and opening minds. They cover everything from learning the fundamentals for good conversations to achieving expert-level techniques to deal with hardliners and extremists. This book is the manual everyone needs to foster a climate of civility, connection, and empathy.

"This is a self-help book on how to argue effectively, conciliate, and gently persuade. The authors admit to getting it wrong in their own past conversations. One by one, I recognize the same mistakes in me. The world would be a better place if everyone read this book." —Richard Dawkins, author of Science in the Soul and Outgrowing God Civics & Citizenship Communication & Social Skills Personal Development Political Science Politics & Government

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Critic reviews

"This is a self-help book on how to argue effectively, conciliate, gently persuade. The authors admit to getting it wrong in their own past conversations. One by one, I recognize the same mistakes in me. The world would be a better place if everyone read this book."—Richard Dawkins, author of Science in the Soul and Outgrowing God
"In a Free Republic there would be no 'impossible conversations', which begs the question: are we truly free anymore? After reading, listening and conversing with Peter and James, I am convinced that they are the Galileo's, I. Kant and even William Tynsdale of our time."—--Glenn Beck
"I thought I knew all I needed to know about conversations and arguments. I was wrong. I just knew a lot about debates and rows. In their insightful and highly readable new book, Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay offer all kinds of ingenious pathways to constructive dialogue. At a time when public discourse has degenerated into mud-slinging and when campuses favour every kind of diversity except viewpoint diversity, this is an invaluable contribution. I guarantee that reading it will make you more -- much more -- persuasive."—Niall Ferguson, Milbank Family Senior Fellow, The Hoover Institution, Stanford
"In these polarized times, people live inside social media echo chambers of their own extremism, growing ever more self-righteous. This smart, scientifically grounded book, teeming with social and emotional wisdom, teaches how to break that isolation and effectively converse with someone with very different opinions. It will make you more adept at challenging, even changing, someone's beliefs, biases and sacred values. And it might even pave the way for making some of those changes yourself."—Robert Sapolsky, John A. and Cynthia Fry Gunn Professor of Neurology and of Neurosurgery, Stanford University
"Drs. Boghossian and Lindsay offer critical advice regarding how to talk about contentious issues in today's political climate. How to Have Impossible Conversations is a necessary guide to navigating disagreements -- and building bridges -- using approaches backed by evidence and science."—Debra W. Soh, Ph.D., science columnist and political commentator
"This fascinating book provides not only useful instruction on how to talk with someone who thinks differently, it also offers a powerful method of questioning and reducing confidence in unsubstantiated beliefs to help people think about what is true."—Helen Pluckrose, Editor, Areo Magazine
All stars
Most relevant
I've been a devotee of verbal judo, as taught by the late and lamented George Thompson and was given a copy of ' How to Win Friends and Influence People' as a teenager. This book extends those skills. I didn't learn a lot of completely new information, but current phraseology is helpful. What it mostly did for me, was allow me to see where my skills had rounded off, unfocused and slipped in their effectiveness.
I took a train ride, discovered my opposite passenger was a Tory, by way of political leaning, and played the game getting him to explain why their policies were better than mine. It was a few days before I got a tremendous Corbynista, and played the same game in reverse.
I think train and plane companies should sponsor this book and hire deliberate polemicists to enliven tedious commutes.

Excellent information.

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Helpful and eminently sensible advice encouraging us to be better listeners, more respectful and less dogmatic. A conversation should be a pleasure and maybe a learning experience; it's not a matter of winning or imposing. I particularly like the author's nice capture of the concept of "the gift of doubt" as a desirable outcome.
On the negative side, the book has a contrived structure, trying to suggest the reader can be walked through increasingly higher levels of proficiency. This is artificial and unnecessary and the book would be better without it.

Sensible stuff but repetitive

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Boghossian and Lindsay are two of the most important voices in the anti-woke movement. This book helps the listener to begin to engage in politically controversial discussions with opponents and ideologies, offering pragmatic strategies for promoting civil conversation throughout. Highly recommend.

Very good

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A great listen, and presumably also a great read. Handy for both impossible and possible conversations.

Recommended for anyone planning on having a conversation

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This is a really great book. I've read several like it recently, but this is one of the best. Some really good tips about the structure of conversations in regards to difficult topics plus much more about daily interaction.

Great

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