In this episode I sit down with Sabrina Bendory, bestselling author and relationship coach whose work has reached tens of millions of people, to talk about something so many of us know intimately — the cycle of chasing the ones who don't choose us, while pushing away the ones who do. Sabrina shares her own decade of toxic relationship patterns, dating narcissists and emotionally unavailable men, and exactly what it took to finally break free — including what she calls her "Summer of Me," the moment everything changed. We talk about where the void actually comes from, what detachment really means, how approval addiction keeps us stuck, and what it feels like in your body when a relationship is finally healthy.

This one is raw, honest, and deeply practical — and I think it is going to meet a lot of you exactly where you are.

Connect with Sabrina:

sabrinabendory.com

www.instagram.com/sabrinabendory

Sabrina's book: https://amzn.to/4cCcKZp

WORK WITH ME 1:1:

❥Softening into self- 3 month 1:1 with Whats App Support:https://marina-yt.mykajabi.com/offers/PAWQhZHu

❥❥1:1 Coaching with me: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfWcZM5s9c2OjOLwoGMI5jE6rh_JAzjN2d_vCtuVe7e3pVGxw/viewform

DOWNLOAD FOR FREE:

• Stay or Go: 5 Clarity Questions to Reconnect with Your Inner Knowing: https://marinayt.com/stay-or-go-guide

• Attatchment Practice: Discover the actual blocks beneath the surface so you can actually have the deep intimacy you crave: https://marinayt.com/attachment-practice

• Connect & Ground: 10 Incredible Somatic Practices for Nervous System Regulation: https://marinayt.com/connect-and-ground

• Alive & Aligned: 7 Embodiment Practices For Self Connection: https://marinayt.com/alive-and-aligned

• Trigger to Rooted: A step by step process of working with your triggers: https://marinayt.com/trigger-2-rooted

VIEW MY COURSES & RESOURCES:

https://marinayt.com/resources

CONNECT WITH ME:

Follow me on Instagram:⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/marina.y.t⁠⁠

Subscribe to YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@marinatriner

Top Episode Quotes:

"Being detached doesn't mean you're detaching from people. You still care, you still want love — but you are detaching from outcomes." — Sabrina Bendory

"The stink of desperation poisons everything. You have to channel that energy into something else, otherwise there's just too much at stake." — Sabrina Bendory

"I am so much more than whether or not some avoidant guy chooses me — and once I made that shift, everything started to click into place." — Sabrina Bendory

"In a healthy relationship you can be who you are, express your needs, set a boundary — and you're not afraid you're going to blow everything up." — Sabrina Bendory

"When you're too attached, you don't have the feeling of I know I'll be okay. You feel like if this person doesn't choose me, I'm going to implode." — Sabrina Bendory

somatic healing, nervous system regulation, trauma healing, attachment healing, toxic relationship patterns, narcissistic abuse recovery, inner child work, emotional regulation, relational healing, self trust, self worth, codependency healing, people pleasing, approval addiction, detachment, embodiment, survival mode, burnout recovery, choosing yourself, deep within podcast

What does it actually look like to choose yourself — not as a way of closing off from love, but as the very foundation that makes real love possible? In this conversation, I sit down with Dr. Rachel Greenberg, a psychologist and relationship expert who specialises in attachment healing, authentic connection, and embodied intimacy, helping individuals and couples create relationships rooted in emotional honesty and deep relational repair. We talk about the patterns that keep us stuck, what secure attachment to yourself and others really means in practice, what it looks like to be truly met in a relationship, and why the goal was never to stop needing connection — it was always to become someone who knows her needs matter.

This one got personal. I shared one of my own triggers and got some of the most honest, grounded perspective I've been given. I think you're going to feel that as you listen.

Connect with Dr. Rachel Greenberg:

theworkwithdrrachel.com

www.instagram.com/heydrrachel

WORK WITH ME 1:1:

❥Softening into self- 3 month 1:1 with Whats App Support:https://marina-yt.mykajabi.com/offers/PAWQhZHu

❥❥1:1 Coaching with me: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfWcZM5s9c2OjOLwoGMI5jE6rh_JAzjN2d_vCtuVe7e3pVGxw/viewform

DOWNLOAD FOR FREE:

• Stay or Go: 5 Clarity Questions to Reconnect with Your Inner Knowing: https://marinayt.com/stay-or-go-guide

• Attatchment Practice: Discover the actual blocks beneath the surface so you can actually have the deep intimacy you crave: https://marinayt.com/attachment-practice

• Connect & Ground: 10 Incredible Somatic Practices for Nervous System Regulation: https://marinayt.com/connect-and-ground

• Alive & Aligned: 7 Embodiment Practices For Self Connection: https://marinayt.com/alive-and-aligned

• Trigger to Rooted: A step by step process of working with your triggers: https://marinayt.com/trigger-2-rooted

VIEW MY COURSES & RESOURCES:

https://marinayt.com/resources

CONNECT WITH ME:

Follow me on Instagram:⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/marina.y.t⁠⁠

Subscribe to YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@marinatriner

Top Episode Quotes:

"To be more willing to lose connection with someone else than to lose connection with yourself — that is how a woman chooses herself." — Dr. Rachel Greenberg

"Healing is a life path. If we're choosing to live awake and aware, we will always be encountering new layers of what limits us from deeper intimacy with ourselves and other people." — Dr. Rachel Greenberg

"The degree of trauma re-enactment goes down, and the opportunity for healing in relationship becomes expanded." — Dr. Rachel Greenberg

"Emotional safety is the name of the game. Without emotional availability, emotional engagement, emotional responsiveness — the relationship will be insecure." — Dr. Rachel Greenberg

"Anytime you're at either extreme — I'll give everything, or I don't need anything from anyone — there's some kind of trauma pattern operating." — Dr. Rachel Greenberg

somatic healing, nervous system regulation, trauma healing, attachment healing, secure attachment, inner child work, emotional regulation, relational healing, self trust, childhood wounds, relationship patterns, codependency healing, people pleasing, embodiment, intimacy, self love, choosing yourself, burnout recovery, survival mode, emotional safety

This one really blew my mind — and I was asking questions I'm genuinely grappling with myself. Kristen Schwartz is a certified trauma recovery coach, author of The Healed Empath, and founder of Realized Empath — a wellness community supporting highly sensitive people and empaths since 2016. Kristen and I dig into how to tell the difference between a trauma response and your highly sensitive nature, why labelling yourself an empath can sometimes mask unresolved trauma, what to actually do with emotions you absorb from other people, and why the next step in the empath journey is taking full responsibility for your own inner state.

Connect with Kristen:

www.realizedempath.com

www.instagram.com/realizedempath

WORK WITH ME 1:1:

❥Softening into self- 3 month 1:1 with Whats App Support:https://marina-yt.mykajabi.com/offers/PAWQhZHu

❥❥1:1 Coaching with me: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfWcZM5s9c2OjOLwoGMI5jE6rh_JAzjN2d_vCtuVe7e3pVGxw/viewform

DOWNLOAD FOR FREE:

• Stay or Go: 5 Clarity Questions to Reconnect with Your Inner Knowing: https://marinayt.com/stay-or-go-guide

• Attatchment Practice: Discover the actual blocks beneath the surface so you can actually have the deep intimacy you crave: https://marinayt.com/attachment-practice

• Connect & Ground: 10 Incredible Somatic Practices for Nervous System Regulation: https://marinayt.com/connect-and-ground

• Alive & Aligned: 7 Embodiment Practices For Self Connection: https://marinayt.com/alive-and-aligned

• Trigger to Rooted: A step by step process of working with your triggers: https://marinayt.com/trigger-2-rooted

VIEW MY COURSES & RESOURCES:

https://marinayt.com/resources

CONNECT WITH ME:

Follow me on Instagram:⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/marina.y.t⁠⁠

Subscribe to YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@marinatriner

Top Episode Quotes:

"Labelling yourself highly sensitive can mask being a trauma survivor. The coping mechanisms you developed to feel safe — those aren't your sensitivity. Those are survival." — Kristen Schwartz

"Once your mind gets involved in an emotion — once you're questioning it, dissecting it, asking whose it is — it's already yours. You've made it your responsibility." — Kristen Schwartz

"Someone's opinion of me felt like an emergency in my nervous system. Because how they saw me would determine how they treated me. Therefore they were unsafe." — Kristen Schwartz

"We've created a culture that looks outward for inner peace — blame, control, trigger warnings. And it's made people less able to sit with their own stuff." — Kristen Schwartz

"You can still be deeply sensitive without losing yourself. The goal is to feel everything — and still stay at peace." — Kristen Schwartz

highly sensitive person, empath healing, trauma and sensitivity, nervous system healing, somatic healing, empath vs highly sensitive, trauma response, emotional regulation, absorbing others emotions, inner peace, people pleasing, hypervigilance, fawn response, trauma recovery, embodiment, realized empath, deep within podcast, Kristen Schwartz, Marina Triner, emotional responsibility

One of the most confusing parts of the healing journey is not knowing whether what you're feeling is a trauma response or the discomfort of actually growing. I've been teaching about this in my group program and I wanted to bring it here too — because getting this wrong is one of the biggest ways we stay stuck. I walk through what a trauma response actually feels like in the body, what a dis-confirming experience is and why it's so important, the five F's of nervous system response, and the three options I always give my clients when it comes to relational triggers. This one is practical, grounded, and something I wish someone had taught me a long time ago.

Join Safe to Connect:

https://marinayt.com/safe-to-connect

WORK WITH ME 1:1:

❥Softening into self- 3 month 1:1 with Whats App Support:https://marina-yt.mykajabi.com/offers/PAWQhZHu

❥❥1:1 Coaching with me: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfWcZM5s9c2OjOLwoGMI5jE6rh_JAzjN2d_vCtuVe7e3pVGxw/viewform

DOWNLOAD FOR FREE:

• Stay or Go: 5 Clarity Questions to Reconnect with Your Inner Knowing: https://marinayt.com/stay-or-go-guide

• Attatchment Practice: Discover the actual blocks beneath the surface so you can actually have the deep intimacy you crave: https://marinayt.com/attachment-practice

• Connect & Ground: 10 Incredible Somatic Practices for Nervous System Regulation: https://marinayt.com/connect-and-ground

• Alive & Aligned: 7 Embodiment Practices For Self Connection: https://marinayt.com/alive-and-aligned

• Trigger to Rooted: A step by step process of working with your triggers: https://marinayt.com/trigger-2-rooted

VIEW MY COURSES & RESOURCES:

https://marinayt.com/resources

CONNECT WITH ME:

Follow me on Instagram:⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/marina.y.t⁠⁠

Subscribe to YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@marinatriner

Top Episode Quotes:

"Our minds and bodies confuse threat with safety really easily. We can read safe situations as threatening — and threatening situations as safe."

"When you receive something that was absent in your childhood — love, support, connection — it can register as unsafe. But what's actually happening is the emotions from that time are finally coming to the surface."

"Dis-confirming experiences are uncomfortable because they are filled with the emotions from childhood we haven't yet felt. That's not danger. That's healing."

"Fix is trying to be somebody's therapist when they don't need one. It is a trauma response — and it lives in the nervous system, in the body."

"If somebody does not take in your feedback given from a regulated state, that's important information. That's when boundaries aren't optional — they're necessary."

trauma response, nervous system healing, somatic healing, discomfort vs trauma, healing journey, triggers and trauma, five trauma responses, fawn response, freeze response, fight flight freeze, relational triggers, inner child healing, embodiment, self trust, safe attachment, deep within podcast, Marina Triner, somatic coaching, complex trauma, emotional regulation

I was so excited for this one, and Nicole did not disappoint. Dr. Nicole LePera, the Holistic Psychologist, trained at Cornell University and the New School for Social Research, is the founder of SelfHealers Circle and the author of three books including the number one New York Times bestseller How to Do the Work. In this conversation, Nicole and I go deep into covert narcissism, how growing up with emotional unavailability shapes every relationship that follows, what re-parenting actually looks like in the body, and why healing is never a straight line from A to B. I had so many personal realisations listening back to this one, about my own relational blueprint, my expectations, and how narcissism in my family has quietly shaped how I show up with others.

Connect with Nicole:

theholisticpsychologist.com

www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist

WORK WITH ME 1:1:

❥Softening into self- 3 month 1:1 with Whats App Support:https://marina-yt.mykajabi.com/offers/PAWQhZHu

❥❥1:1 Coaching with me: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfWcZM5s9c2OjOLwoGMI5jE6rh_JAzjN2d_vCtuVe7e3pVGxw/viewform

DOWNLOAD FOR FREE:

• Stay or Go: 5 Clarity Questions to Reconnect with Your Inner Knowing: https://marinayt.com/stay-or-go-guide

• Attatchment Practice: Discover the actual blocks beneath the surface so you can actually have the deep intimacy you crave: https://marinayt.com/attachment-practice

• Connect & Ground: 10 Incredible Somatic Practices for Nervous System Regulation: https://marinayt.com/connect-and-ground

• Alive & Aligned: 7 Embodiment Practices For Self Connection: https://marinayt.com/alive-and-aligned

• Trigger to Rooted: A step by step process of working with your triggers: https://marinayt.com/trigger-2-rooted

VIEW MY COURSES & RESOURCES:

https://marinayt.com/resources

CONNECT WITH ME:

Follow me on Instagram:⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/marina.y.t⁠⁠

Subscribe to YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@marinatriner

Top Episode Quotes:

"We all become self-focused when we feel threatened — that's survival. But when someone is consistently unable to hold anyone else's perspective, that's a different pattern entirely." — Dr. Nicole LePera

"I was a million miles away, demanding someone feel close to me — while every instinct in my body was pushing them away. That was the contradiction I had to face." — Dr. Nicole LePera

"Re-parenting begins in the body. Teaching your nervous system how to come back to safety — that's the foundation everything else is built on." — Dr. Nicole LePera

"The familiar thing that's causing harm still feels safer than the unknown thing that might heal you. That's just how a nervous system works." — Dr. Nicole LePera

"You don't have to get rid of your past entirely. The goal is to give yourself a choice — to bring forward what still serves you and break free from what's overtaking your present." — Dr. Nicole LePera

inner child healing, reparenting, covert narcissism, nervous system healing, somatic healing, childhood emotional neglect, attachment wounds, relational patterns, hypervigilance, emotional attunement, people pleasing, family estrangement, self healing, trauma recovery, embodiment, deep within podcast, Nicole LePera, holistic psychologist, Marina Triner, How to Do the Work

This one opened my heart wide open, and I cried with a friend straight after recording it. Chelsea Horton is a somatic coach, educator, and founder of Healing Embodied, where she trains wellness professionals to integrate somatics, creativity, and emotional healing into their work. A former worship leader with a master's in Dance and Movement Therapy, Chelsea went from the most devoted Christian you'd ever meet, engaged to her gay best friend for Jesus, to building a life and practice rooted entirely in embodied truth. Together we explore religious trauma, good girl programming, what embodiment actually means in daily life, and why your emotions are not a problem to solve but raw material for creation.

Connect with Chelsea:

www.healingembodied.com/connect

https://www.instagram.com/healing.embodied

WORK WITH ME 1:1:

❥Softening into self- 3 month 1:1 with Whats App Support:https://marina-yt.mykajabi.com/offers/PAWQhZHu

❥❥1:1 Coaching with me: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfWcZM5s9c2OjOLwoGMI5jE6rh_JAzjN2d_vCtuVe7e3pVGxw/viewform

DOWNLOAD FOR FREE:

• Stay or Go: 5 Clarity Questions to Reconnect with Your Inner Knowing: https://marinayt.com/stay-or-go-guide

• Attatchment Practice: Discover the actual blocks beneath the surface so you can actually have the deep intimacy you crave: https://marinayt.com/attachment-practice

• Connect & Ground: 10 Incredible Somatic Practices for Nervous System Regulation: https://marinayt.com/connect-and-ground

• Alive & Aligned: 7 Embodiment Practices For Self Connection: https://marinayt.com/alive-and-aligned

• Trigger to Rooted: A step by step process of working with your triggers: https://marinayt.com/trigger-2-rooted

VIEW MY COURSES & RESOURCES:

https://marinayt.com/resources

CONNECT WITH ME:

Follow me on Instagram:⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/marina.y.t⁠⁠

Subscribe to YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@marinatriner

Top Episode Quotes:

"Embodiment is when you live, breathe, become the thing — instead of just knowing it conceptually. It's not a switch you turn on. Your body has to learn a new way of being." — Chelsea Horton

"Sometimes what's familiar sucks. Sometimes what's familiar is harming you. But because it feels predictable, it feels safe. That's not embodied safety — that's familiar safety." — Chelsea Horton

"The reason people end up in a psych hospital is because the one thing they didn't have enough of was being loved. That is our most fundamental human need." — Chelsea Horton

"Your emotions are not a problem to solve. They're an energy with which you can create. Suddenly you become a choreographer of life." — Chelsea Horton

"You're sitting on top of a treasure chest and you've never opened it. And what's inside? Your expression. Yourself. Your life. You finally get you back." — Chelsea Horton

religious trauma healing, embodiment, somatic healing, good girl programming, shame healing, nervous system regulation, inner child healing, creative expression, trauma informed healing, emotional processing, dance movement therapy, familiar safety, embodied safety, deconstruction, people pleasing, deep within podcast, Chelsea Horton, Marina Triner, healing embodied, somatic coaching

If you've ever felt completely out of control in a relationship — knowing it's wrong, unable to leave, ashamed of yourself for staying — this conversation is going to make you feel far less alone. Marina sits down with Andrea Ashley, host of Adult Child and The Shitshow podcast, who grew up in an alcoholic home, spent her teens in and out of rehabs, got sober at 19, and still found herself at rock bottom at 28 — trapped in trauma bonds she didn't yet have words for. Andrea shares the story she's never fully told before: the relationship that pulled her back in at her most under-resourced, the friendship betrayal that happened at the worst possible moment, and what it actually took to finally get out. This one is raw, real, and deeply human.

Connect with Andrea:

https://www.instagram.com/adultchildpod/

https://www.adultchildpodcast.com/

WORK WITH ME 1:1:

❥Softening into self- 3 month 1:1 with Whats App Support:https://marina-yt.mykajabi.com/offers/PAWQhZHu

❥❥1:1 Coaching with me: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfWcZM5s9c2OjOLwoGMI5jE6rh_JAzjN2d_vCtuVe7e3pVGxw/viewform

DOWNLOAD FOR FREE:

• Stay or Go: 5 Clarity Questions to Reconnect with Your Inner Knowing: https://marinayt.com/stay-or-go-guide

• Attatchment Practice: Discover the actual blocks beneath the surface so you can actually have the deep intimacy you crave: https://marinayt.com/attachment-practice

• Connect & Ground: 10 Incredible Somatic Practices for Nervous System Regulation: https://marinayt.com/connect-and-ground

• Alive & Aligned: 7 Embodiment Practices For Self Connection: https://marinayt.com/alive-and-aligned

• Trigger to Rooted: A step by step process of working with your triggers: https://marinayt.com/trigger-2-rooted

VIEW MY COURSES & RESOURCES:

https://marinayt.com/resources

CONNECT WITH ME:

Follow me on Instagram:⁠ ⁠www.instagram.com/marina.y.t⁠⁠

Subscribe to YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@marinatriner

Top Episode Quotes:

"As soon as my fear of abandonment got triggered, I was done. That's how quickly and easily a trauma bond can form." — Andrea Ashley

"The fear of abandonment can make someone ten million times more attractive. It's not real feeling — you're just deepening your attachment." — Andrea Ashley

"I was so sane and yet so insane at the same time. I could witness exactly what was happening and I still could not stop." — Andrea Ashley

"Tending to an alcoholic is the oldest role I know. My nervous system was just reaching for what it knows, what was comfortable." — Andrea Ashley

"I have abandonment trauma. I might freak out the first time you take too long to text me back. And I'm not embarrassed about that anymore. If it's the right person, that's not going to push them away." — Andrea Ashley

trauma bond, love addiction, abandonment wound, complex PTSD, adult child of alcoholics, nervous system healing, somatic healing, anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, intermittent reinforcement, codependency healing, childhood trauma, trauma recovery, emotional flashbacks, attachment healing, inner child healing, deep within podcast, Andrea Ashley, Marina Triner, trauma informed healing