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"Everything happens for a reason" - sometimes those words feel like a punch in the gut when you're drowning in grief, fear, or anger. But what if there's a different way to look at life's hardest moments that doesn't feel like toxic positivity?

In this Big Stuff summer series episode, host Danielle Colley weaves together four powerful stories that explore whether life happens TO us or FOR us. From comedian Jordana Borensztajn bombing so badly on a cruise ship she called it "the floating prison of shame," to Imogen Carn losing her mum to suicide and channeling her rage into The Grief Files podcast that's helped hundreds of thousands, to Vashti Whitfield losing her husband Andy at 39 and reframing tragedy, to Preston O'Brien's rock bottom becoming his greatest gift.

This isn't about pretending everything is fine or denying pain. It's about trust. About redirects versus failures. About the difference between giving up and letting go. It's about asking "what can I create from this?" instead of "why is this happening to me?"

Danielle also shares her own journey through her father's death that redirected her entire career, and her current navigation of her mother's recent death - the wreckage, the gifts hidden in grief, and learning to trust the redirect even when you can't see where it's going.

Chapters:

• [00:00] Introduction - The Problem With "Everything Happens For A Reason"
• [02:45] Jordana's Floating Prison of Shame
• [07:20] Creativity as Resilience - What's the Next Best Thing?
• [10:15] Imogen Carn - Losing Mum to Suicide
• [14:30] The Investigation and The Light
• [16:45] "It's Something You Have to Find For Yourself"
• [18:20] Danielle's Wreckage After Dad's Death
• [21:40] Vashti Whitfield - This Is Happening TO Us AND FOR Us
• [25:10] Can We Say Mum's Death Is Happening FOR Me?
• [28:35] Preston O'Brien - Becoming the Inspiration He Was Looking For
• [30:50] Four Redirects - What Can You Create From This?
• [33:20] Final Reflection - Trust the Redirect

Guests Featured:

• ⁠Jordana Borensztajn (Communications expert, author of The Little Book of Influence)⁠
• ⁠Imogen Carn (Co-host of Good Mourning podcast)⁠
• ⁠Vashti Whitfield (Transformational facilitator, co-creator of Be Here Now documentary)⁠
• ⁠Preston O'Brien (Men's mental health advocate, founder Triumphant Man)⁠

Connect: If this episode helped you see your challenges differently, share it with someone navigating their own redirect. Tell us about a time something you thought was happening TO you turned out to be happening FOR you.

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A listener wrote in feeling completely torn apart by the weight of expectations. Family expectations, societal expectations, and the brutal “shoulds” we place on ourselves.

In this How Are You Really? episode of Big Stuff, Danielle unpacks what it costs us when we say yes to someone else’s vision… and no to our own. Whether your dream is travelling the world, changing careers, choosing not to have kids, leaving a relationship, studying later in life, or stepping out of the role everyone assigned you, this episode is about reclaiming your one big, bold, beautiful life.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why expectations are often rooted in love (and still feel suffocating)
• The difference between aligned choices vs paying the imaginary debt of expectation
• Why you’re not choosing between two options — you’re choosing between two identities
• The #1 regret of the dying (from The Five Regrets of the Dying by Bonnie Ware)
• How to share your truth with love, ask people to trust you, and stop abandoning yourself
  
  

If you’ve been feeling “confused,” this might be the truth:
You’re not confused about what you want, you’re questioning whether you’re allowed to want it.

People will be okay if you live your own life… but will you be okay if you don’t?

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:15 Listener's Dilemma: The Weight of Expectations

03:53 Unpacking Family and Societal Expectations

08:19 The Importance of Self-Permission

11:30 Living True to Yourself: Lessons from the Dying

15:06 Navigating Personal Choices and Expectations

22:26 The Role of Self-Worth and Success

30:26 Final Thoughts and Season Wrap-Up

Connect with Danielle:

See her website - https://daniellecolley.com.au/

But the Chocolate Bar Life book - https://www.thechocolatebarlife.com.au/buy-book

Find her on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/iamdaniellecolley/

Connect on Facebook - https://web.facebook.com/IAmDanielleColley/?_rdc=1&_rdr#

Watch on Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/@iamdaniellecolley

Check out her substack - https://substack.com/@iamdaniellecolley?utm_source=user-menu

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Jordana Borensztajn, a comedian, communication expert and mentalist, joins the show to share how her most humiliating moments became the fuel for her career. From bombing so badly on a cruise ship that an elderly passenger told her to get off while she was still at sea, to being escorted off Facebook’s campus in a giant Like costume, Jordana reveals how comedy, curiosity and creativity helped her transform embarrassment into influence and resilience.

In this episode, we explore the surprising psychology behind stage presence, why humor can be healing and the grounding techniques that help calm nerves before high-stakes moments. Jordana also breaks down mentalism’s insights on human connection, the 4-2-4 breathing method and how following joy, not perfection, is the secret to authentic communication. This conversation is a must-listen for anyone facing fear of judgment, imposter syndrome or the pressure to perform.

Connect with Jordana Borensztajn:

Website: jordanab.com.au

Instagram: @jordanaborensztajn

Book Website: littlebooks.biz

00:00 Introduction to the Floating Prison of Shame

00:30 Meet Jordana Borensztajn: From Journalist to Comedian

02:06 The Challenge of Standup Comedy

03:49 The Worst Date Ever: A Comedy Catalyst

05:22 The Healing Power of Laughter

07:58 The Floating Prison of Shame: A Cruise Ship Disaster

12:07 Lessons from Bombing on Stage

14:27 The Importance of Authentic Connection

16:46 Embracing the Messy and Chaotic

17:19 The Power of Imagination and Play

23:16 Discovering Mentalism During Lockdown

25:09 The Magic of Mentalism and Human Connection

32:30 The Quest to Meet Mark Zuckerberg

33:42 The Giant Costume Quest Begins

34:24 Meeting Tech Icons at Dallas Digital Summit

35:01 The Facebook Headquarters Adventure

35:25 Facing Fear and Embracing the Experience

38:12 The Aftermath and Realizations

40:45 Grounding Techniques for Public Speaking

48:17 Resilience and Creativity in Comedy

52:49 Visionaries and Overcoming Fear

56:50 The Power of Joy and Embracing Mistakes

59:59 Concluding Thoughts and Future Plans

01:02:18 Final Reflections and Podcast Outro

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In this deeply personal episode recorded only weeks after her mother’s death through voluntary assisted dying, Danielle shares the raw reality of grief, far beyond the familiar sadness people expect. She opens up about dissociation at work events, emotional numbness, and the biological impact of loss on the brain and body, from the amygdala to the mitochondria. This conversation explores what grief actually feels like, why it isn’t linear, and why “being strong” can sometimes do more harm than good.

Whether you’re grieving yourself or supporting someone who is, this episode offers a compassionate blend of science, lived experience, and practical tools for navigating loss. Danielle unpacks cultural discomfort around sadness, the truth behind emotional “rewiring,” and the idea that grief is a form of love.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:46 Dealing with Grief: Personal Experiences

01:49 The Science of Grief

05:01 Navigating Life Amidst Grief

08:50 Coping Mechanisms and Support

12:14 The Emotional Rollercoaster of Grief

26:45 Public Displays of Grief and Cultural Perspectives

29:23 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Connect with Danielle:

See her website - https://daniellecolley.com.au/

But the Chocolate Bar Life book - https://www.thechocolatebarlife.com.au/buy-book

Find her on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/iamdaniellecolley/

Connect on Facebook - https://web.facebook.com/IAmDanielleColley/?_rdc=1&_rdr#

Watch on Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/@iamdaniellecolley

Check out her substack - https://substack.com/@iamdaniellecolley?utm_source=user-menu

Enjoyed this and want to let us know? Drop us a text

In this powerful episode divorce coach and founder of Women's Divorce Academy, Carolyn Tate, shares the heartbreaking yet inspiring journey of supporting her son Connor through a life-threatening crisis that ultimately revealed his truth which changed their lives forever.

Carolyn and host, Danielle Colley, explore the reality of parenting through fear, confusion, and impossible choices where trusting your child matters more than fully understanding them. The conversation also explores on the emotional toll of divorce, co-parenting challenges, and the loneliness of navigating crisis in silence.

Carolyn explains how her darkest chapters became the foundation for the Women’s Divorce Academy, helping hundreds of women through one of life's other huge transitions - separation and divorce.

Together, she and Danielle discuss medical support for transgender youth, practical survival tools like 'grey-rocking' and the Perspex box visualization, and the transformative power of choosing belief, compassion, and community. This episode is a reminder that the hardest moments of life can become the wisdom someone else needs.

Connect with Carolyn:

Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/womensdivorceacademy/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/womensdivorceacademy
Website: www.womensdivorceacademy.com

00:00 A Mother's Nightmare Begins

00:26 Introducing Carolyn Tate

02:18 The Turning Point: Connor's Revelation

02:34 A Conversation on the Big Green Couch

03:19 The Perfect Storm: Carolyn's Struggles

04:06 Connor's Mental Health Battle

08:28 The Journey of Acceptance

16:48 The Transition Process

21:07 Support Systems and Challenges

26:44 Life After Top Surgery

35:03 Turning Pain into Purpose

38:03 Embracing a Clean Slate

38:37 Navigating Post-Breakup Challenges

39:06 Rebuilding and Finding Optimism

40:02 Support Networks and Positivity

41:27 Dealing with Difficult Exes

48:42 The Power of Community

50:34 Reflecting on Personal Growth

55:09 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

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What happens when you stop apologising for your choices with one tiny word?

Lisa Schweighoffer went from saying "I'm just a stay-at-home mom" to co-founding Boost Lab, the irreverent skincare brand that's disrupting beauty by refusing to take itself too seriously.

In this raw conversation, Lisa shares how just one single word was shrinking her presence and what it was like to build an international business after 10 years at home with kids.

And we go deeper than this, as a busy and successful mum, Lisa also dives deep into the reason her medical hysterectomy at 48 came with zero menopause information, and the ultimate partnership secret that makes 30+ year marriages actually thrive.

From testing products on speedboats to dancing on Instagram and building a very successful business, Lisa proves that the most confident founders aren't those who take everything seriously, they're those who know exactly what deserves their attention, leaving them free to approach everything else with humour and joy.

Resource List - Books:

• Dr. Mary Claire Haver - "The New Menopause" (Lisa says it "literally changed my life")
• Dr. Michael Mosley - "Just One Thing"

Podcast:

• Brené Brown - "Unlocking Us" (episode with Dr. Mary Claire Haver on perimenopause and bone health)

Where to find Lisa -

Instagram - ⁠@lisaschway⁠ and ⁠@boostlabco⁠

Website -⁠ Boost Lab⁠

0:00 - Introduction: The power of removing "just" from your vocabulary

4:00 - The New Zealand leap: Moving countries with three kids under four

10:00 - The reality of stay-at-home motherhood: isolation, sacrifice, and chosen family

17:00 - The "never just" breakthrough: Removing one word that was making her smaller

22:00 - "You're choosing what you don't change": Life philosophy on making empowered choices

26:00 - From hammers to beauty: The unexpected entrepreneurial journey

30:00 - Why Boost Lab does skincare differently: Concern-led, not ingredient-led

35:00 - 15 years of bleeding: The health journey no one talks about

38:00 - Medical gaslighting: When doctors fail women in perimenopause

40:00 - Self-advocacy: How Lisa armed herself with information and changed everything

43:00 - The HRT conversation: "If your doctor doesn't listen, find another one"

44:00 - Partnership gold: How she and Craig work as a true team

48:00 - Being "just the fun face" and learning to own your value

51:00 - Practical wisdom: Bone health, heavy lifting, and preparing for the next chapter

52:00 - Stop watching the news: Protecting your nervous system

54:00 - Lisa's tips for happy living: HRT, lift heavy, laugh at yourself, whiskey

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Trigger warning: Episode discusses death, grief and choosing to die.

This is part two of a series. If you haven't listened to Episode 12 where I first introduced you to my mum Carolyn and her decision to pursue voluntary assisted death, start there.

On the 11th October, we threw my mum the living wake of the century. It was supposed to be four months before she died. We had time. We had plans.

Then that night, she couldn't breathe. She pressed her buzzer. Nobody came. She thought she was going to suffocate alone in her bed.

The next morning, I got the call. Less than an hour later, my brother and I were sitting with her asking: "Do you feel done?" She said yes.

Three days later, she would be dead.

On the Tuesday—her final full day—she asked if we could record one more conversation. I was exhausted, but my friend Rodney said, "You'll regret not doing this."

So we talked about last words, regret, flickering lights as a form of communication from the other side, and whether she thought she was brave.

Then I share what actually happened in her final hours—the ritual, the music, her actual last words as her chosen music played, and the surprising peace that came after.

What has surprised me most is that peace. Not the devastation I expected. Just this gentle, unexpected calm.

I'm sharing this because I think we need different stories about death. Real ones. Where someone looks forward to what's next.

Where grief can be peaceful instead of wild.

If you feel like this is too raw for you, it's ok. This won't be for everyone, but I'm glad I recorded this episode even though I was exhausted and dubious.

My mum is, was, and will always be a remarkable human being.

CAROLYN COLLEY

07/10/1951 - 15/10/2025

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Two months before her wedding, Dr. Phoebe Rogers, a clinical psychologist and couples therapist and she was having secret panic attacks.

Every time she pictured herself saying “I do,” she imagined herself bolting from the altar instead. She almost went through with it anyway, because sometimes the voice whispering “at least someone loves you” can drown out the one shouting “this isn’t right.”

In this raw, vulnerable, and inspiring conversation, Dr. Rogers opens up about her journey from relationship expert to runaway bride and how that moment of truth became the catalyst for real healing and self-discovery.

Connect with Phoebe:

Instagram: @therelationshipspace

Facebook: The Relationship Space

Website: therelationshipspace.com.au

Book: When Will It Happen Me? (available now)

00:00 Introduction: Dr. Phoebe Rogers' Journey

02:31 Phoebe's Personal Love Story

04:55 Recognizing Red Flags and Inner Conflict

06:09 The Decision to Call Off the Wedding

09:08 Healing and Self-Discovery

14:24 Therapeutic Techniques and Inner Child Work

20:25 Applying Therapy to Personal Life

23:44 Building a Healthy Relationship with Self

26:47 Recognizing Patterns and Healing

28:43 Finding the Right Partner

29:34 Navigating Relationship Communication

31:46 Dealing with Attachment Styles

32:34 The Inevitability of Heartbreak

33:30 Healing and Growth in Relationships

43:46 The Importance of Self-Love

49:06 Insights from the Book

53:20 Final Thoughts and Takeaways