STARDATE: Your Mother.

SYSTEM STATUS: CORRUPTED / DELAYED / POSSIBLY HAUNTED ⚠️

RECOVERED FRAGMENTS 📂

"Wait… did we already tell this story?"

"Who let Zero near the controls again?"

"Why does it smell like spray paint in here?"

"Did someone seriously write 'Sarlac Farts' on the wall?"

SYSTEM NOTES 🧠

Episode was recorded weeks ago. The beginning about blinks unreleased bonus tracks is no longer relevant - YOU CAN NOW ADD THEM TO YOUR SPOTIFY PLAYLISTS AS OF FRIDAY JUNE 12th! Oh the irony…

No surviving memory of topics, structure, or purpose.

Conversation may include:

• ​ Recycled arguments
• ​ Unfinished thoughts
• ​ Fully confident incorrect statements
• ​ Unnecessary panic
• ​ Multiple timeline inconsistencies

ZERO insists:

"This is functioning as intended."

"There is no malfunction."

"You are the malfunction."

INTERSTELLAR INDEX 🛰️

🌐 TheSlurredKind.com

🔗 The Helm (all socials)

📧 Send us a hail (or suggest a theme!)

🗣 Join The Anti-Matter Minute, the official Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind Facebook group!

RATE & REVIEW ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

If you understood literally anything in this episode… we're impressed. Follow us on Spotify and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts to help keep The Black Swirl's lights on.

⚠️ DISCLAIMER

This episode may contain distorted audio, fragmented logic, contradictory statements, and conversations that no longer exist in this version of reality. Any attempt to interpret meaning is done entirely at your own risk.

🎵 OUTRO MUSIC

Stop.Drop.Rewind — "Space Force Theme Song"

After narrowly escaping a very questionable situation on Coruscant, Joeba and Ripley find themselves crash-landing on Nintendopia — a planet where cryptids don’t hide… they throw hands.

A full roster of legendary creatures enters the arena in a Smash-style showdown, complete with cursed items, environmental chaos, and absolutely zero balance patches. From Bigfoot’s questionable stamina to Slender Man’s psychological warfare, every matchup spirals further out of control.

And just when it feels like a winner might emerge… a cosmic raid boss enters the chat. Good luck.

🎮 SPECIAL SEGMENTS

Cryptid Smash: The Roster

• Full breakdown of each cryptid fighter, abilities, weaknesses, and playstyle
• Yes… this matters later

Tournament Mode

• Head-to-head matchups across chaotic battlegrounds
• Winners decided by logic… until logic completely disappears

Final Encounter — Raid Boss

• Everyone vs something they were absolutely not prepared for
• Survival becomes the only win condition

🛰️ INTERSTELLAR INDEX

🌐 TheSlurredKind.com🔗 The Helm (all socials)📧 Send us a hail (or suggest a theme!)

🗣 Join The Dimension Hoppers over in The Anti-Matter Minute — our show’s Facebook group!

RATE & REVIEW ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Love the show? Help us fuel the warp core!

Follow us on Spotify and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts to help keep the Swirl’s lights on.

⚠️ DISCLAIMER

This episode contains unregulated cryptid combat, unauthorized interdimensional tournaments, and at least one entity that should not be perceived under any circumstances.

Any attempt to recreate these events will result in immediate disqualification from reality.

🎵 OUTRO MUSIC

Stop.Drop.Rewind — “Space Force Theme Song”

This week inside the Anti-Matter Minute, Joeba and Ripley crack open cold ones and investigate one of the internet’s greatest modern conspiracies: Birds Aren’t Real.

From the infamous 1959–2001 “avian replacement” timeline to power-line charging theories and suspiciously tactical geese, the crew dives headfirst into the satire that somehow became culturally unstoppable. Along the way, Zero identifies a possible government surveillance unit onboard the Black Swirl… and things spiral exactly how you’d expect.

Plus:

autonomous avian surveillance breakdowns

conspiracy escalation logic

firmware migration theories

NSFAQ returns with listener questions

and absolutely no bird is beating the allegations...

🛰️ INTERSTELLAR INDEX

🌐 TheSlurredKind.com

🔗 The Helm (all socials)

📧 Send us a hail (or suggest a theme!)

🗣 Join The Dimension Hoppers over in The Anti-Matter Minute — our show’s Facebook group!

⭐ RATE & REVIEW

Love the show? Help us fuel the warp core!

Follow us on Spotify and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts to help keep the Swirl’s lights on.

⚠️ DISCLAIMER

Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind is a Slurred Kind LLC production and a comedy podcast engaging in satire, parody, and critical commentary. Any conspiracy discussed is presented for entertainment purposes only.

If you genuinely believe a goose works for the federal government… that’s between you and the power lines.

🎵 OUTRO MUSIC

Stop.Drop.Rewind — “Space Force Theme Song”

THE SOLO CUP has arrived. With Ripley Scott currently serving a short sentence at the KX-113 Interdimensional Detention Complex for an absolutely irresponsible amount of docking tickets, parking violations, and restricted wormhole tolls, Joeba Fett finds himself unsupervised aboard The Black Swirl. In the very first edition of The Solo Cup, Joeba digs through years of listener hails, answering Dimension Hopper questions ranging from favorite Blink songs and sci-fi movies to cryptids, conspiracies, shipboard disasters, and a few questions that probably should have remained classified. Then Joeba debuts a brand-new recurring segment:

🚨 EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL TIMES 🚨

From congressional UAP investigations and Pentagon file releases to The Age of Disclosure, Disclosure Day, Jake Barber's Sentinels of Ether, and the increasingly bizarre world of modern disclosure, Joeba attempts to make sense of one of the strangest conversations currently happening on Earth. Meanwhile, Zero continues documenting evidence that Ripley's imprisonment may not be entirely accidental. As The Black Swirl approaches the detention facility, Ripley finally learns the truth behind years of citations issued solely in his name…and that Joeba might be to blame. Imagine that.

🛰️ INTERSTELLAR INDEX

🌐 TheSlurredKind.com

🔗 The Helm (all socials)

📧 Send us a hail (or suggest a theme!)

🗣 Join The Anti-Matter Minute, the official Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind Facebook group!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ RATE & REVIEW

Enjoying the ride aboard The Black Swirl?

Follow us on Spotify and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts to help keep the warp core running and the legal defense fund adequately funded.

⚠️ DISCLAIMER

No detention facilities were bribed during the production of this episode. Any resemblance between actual criminal negligence, citation fraud, or administrative misconduct is purely coincidental and currently under appeal.

🎵 OUTRO MUSIC

Stop.Drop.Rewind — “Space Force Theme Song”

Audio Log Integrity: FAILED ⚠️

Memory Recall: UNAVAILABLE ⚠️

Timeline Sync: DESYNCHRONIZED ⚠️

Episode Context: UNKNOWN⚠️

ZERO Diagnostic Report: INCOMPLETE / DEFLECTING BLAME

ERROR: This episode was recorded outside of the current timeline.

ERROR: Hosts do not remember what was discussed.

ERROR: Even if transcription were accurate… it would not help.

📂 RECOVERED FRAGMENTS

“No no no — that’s NOT how wormholes work.”

“Why is it moving like that???”

“I thought you said it was dead.”

“That was absolutely not the plan.”

“We should not be allowed to do this unsupervised.”

“Wait… have we already talked about this?”

“I feel like we’ve done this episode before.”

🧠 SYSTEM NOTES

Episode was recorded weeks ago.

No surviving memory of topics, structure, or purpose.

Conversation may include:

Recycled argumentsUnfinished thoughtsFully confident incorrect statementsAt least one moment of unnecessary panic

ZERO insists:

“This is functioning as intended.”“There is no malfunction.”“You are the malfunction.”

🛰️ INTERSTELLAR INDEX

🌐 ⁠TheSlurredKind.com⁠

🔗 ⁠The Helm (all socials)⁠

📧 ⁠Send us a hail (or suggest a theme!)⁠

🗣 Join The Dimension Hoppers over in The Anti-Matter Minute — our show’s Facebook group!

⭐ RATE & REVIEW ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

If you understood literally anything in this episode… we’re impressed.

Follow us on ⁠here or and leave us a review on ⁠Spotify or Apple Podcasts ⁠to help keep the Swirl’s lights on.

📡 STARDATE: ????.??.??

🛑 RECORDING STATUS: CORRUPTED / DELAYED / POSSIBLY HAUNTED

⚠️ SYSTEM STATUS

• Audio Log Integrity: FAILED
• Memory Recall: UNAVAILABLE
• Timeline Sync: DESYNCHRONIZED
• Episode Context: UNKNOWN
• ZERO Diagnostic Report: INCOMPLETE / DEFLECTING BLAME

ERROR: This episode was recorded outside of the current timeline.
ERROR: Hosts do not remember what was discussed.
ERROR: Even if transcription were accurate… it would not help.

📂 RECOVERED FRAGMENTS

“No no no — that’s NOT how wormholes work.”

“Why is it moving like that???”

“I thought you said it was dead.”

“That was absolutely not the plan.”

“We should not be allowed to do this unsupervised.”

“Wait… have we already talked about this?”

“I feel like we’ve done this episode before.”

🧠 SYSTEM NOTES

• Episode was recorded weeks ago
• No surviving memory of topics, structure, or purpose
• Conversation may include:
• • Recycled arguments
  • Unfinished thoughts
  • Fully confident incorrect statements
  • At least one moment of unnecessary panic
• ZERO insists:
• • “This is functioning as intended.”
  • “There is no malfunction.”
  • “You are the malfunction.”
  • 
    

🛰️ INTERSTELLAR INDEX

🌐 TheSlurredKind.com🔗 The Helm (all socials)📧 Send us a hail (or suggest a theme!)

🗣 Join The Dimension Hoppers over in The Anti-Matter Minute Dimension Facebook Group!

RATE & REVIEW ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

If you understood literally anything in this episode… we’re impressed.

Fo

⚠️ DISCLAIMER

This episode may contain distorted audio, fragmented logic, and conversations that no longer exist in this version of reality. Any attempt to interpret meaning is done at your own risk.

🎵 OUTRO MUSIC

Stop.Drop.Rewind — “Space Force Theme Song”

A double-cross. A stolen shipment. And a revenge plan that makes absolutely zero sense.

After being burned by one of Coruscant’s most powerful families, Joeba Fett does what any reasonable space pirate would do…

He crashes their gala, charms their most dangerous socialite, and kidnaps her mid-party.

Enter Lady Vessryn of Coruscant — elegant, ruthless, and now very much stuck aboard the Black Swirl.

What follows is a spiraling mix of:

• High-society drama
• Reality-TV-level chaos
• Questionable decisions in hyperspace
• And a “romantic” dynamic that quickly turns into mutual destruction

By the end… reputations are ruined, alliances are shattered, and somehow Joeba is still asking about a second date.

🎙️ SPECIAL GUEST

Lady Vessryn of Coruscant

🛰️ SPECIAL SEGMENTS

🎭 Plot Twisted

Iconic movie scenes get reimagined as full-blown reality TV scandals — affairs, betrayals, secret alliances, and absolute chaos injected into legendary moments.

🕵️ Who Did It… In Space?

A Coruscant gala turns deadly. Lady Vessryn interrogates suspects, analyzes clues, and delivers judgment in a high-society murder mystery.

INTERSTELLAR INDEX

🌐 TheSlurredKind.com

🔗 The Helm (all socials)

📧 Send us a hail (or suggest a theme!)

🗣 Join The Dimension Hoppers over in The Anti-Matter Minute Dimension!

RATE & REVIEW

Love the show? Help us fuel the warp core!

Follow us and hit that ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ button!

You can also find us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen!

DISCLAIMER

This episode contains reckless hyperspace decisions, unauthorized gala attendance, and the unlawful removal of one (1) high-ranking Coruscant socialite. No actual senators were harmed in the making of this episode… emotionally, however, several may never recover.

OUTRO MUSIC

Stop.Drop.Rewind — “Space Force Theme Song”

This transmission appears to have originated from the Black Swirl’s aft bar console shortly after the crew declared “one quick drink” and ZERO volunteered to run the recording system. What follows is a partially corrupted log filled with questionable navigation decisions, fragmented memory buffers, and a ship AI that may have accidentally replaced several of its core functions with beer foam.

Signal integrity is… debatable. 🍻🛸

File Designation: [UNF_HH_E07.ZROCORRUPT]

Transmission Status: ❌ Nonlinear | ❌ Unverified | ⚠️ System stability compromised

Stardate: ERROR://CLOCK.DRUNK

Log Source: ZERO_Unit_000::Terminal_AFTBAR

🧠 System Diagnostics Report:

• 🟡 Memory Buffer Overwrite: 73% (replaced with karaoke lyrics)
• 🔴 Logic Core Misfiring — currently debating a bar stool
• 🔁 Internal Audio Channel: playing the Super Smash Bros. announcer voice on loop
• 🧊 Cooling System Contaminated with unknown “celebratory liquid”
• 📡 Long-Range Sensors locked onto a neon beer sign in another galaxy
• 🧭 Navigation Computer insists we are “parked perfectly” in open space
• ⚡ Warp Core Mood: vibing but concerned
• 🤖 ZERO Speech Filter: stuck between “philosophical” and “frat house”

CODE MESSAGE

ZR0-041 Slur level exceeded Galactic Broadcasting Standards

80085 Unauthorized beverage detected in warp core coolant system

1.69 Vibe check failed. Switching to hammock mode.

🚫 DISCLAIMER

This recording may contain traces of nonsense, space yeast, and chronologically unsound events. For entertainment purposes only. ZERO is not licensed to provide emotional support, navigation assistance, or bartending services (following the incident).