You may think you're fine. You're still performing well at work, still the one people rely on, yet you know something's off.

In this episode - a replay of one of my most important conversations from 2025, I share the question that changed how I think about burnout: What are you borrowing from your life to keep your work looking fine? For many of us, our ingrained programming tells us we have to please everyone all the time to feel good enough, so we protect our work and borrow energy from the rest of our life to do it. We look totally fine on the outside. Inside, the walls are standing but there's nothing left.

I’m chatting with Dr Richard Duggins NHS Psychiatrist and Author of ‘Burnout Free Working’ about why high achievers stay high-performing right up util they burn out, what radiators and drains have to do with it, and what Richard calls the burnout cliff - where one small trigger takes you by surprise. If you go back into the same way of working, carrying the same load in the same way, it will affect your next decision, and the one after that.

This is about burnout not as a personal failing, but as a change in the balance of your energy.

We cover:

• Why your performance can stay high while the rest of your life shrinks
• Borrowing energy from home, fun, and rest to protect work
• Radiators and drains - work intensity, home pressures and culture
• The burnout cliff and the plateau before it
• Early signs - poor sleep, irritability, detachment, loss of joy
• What may help you carry it differently without going back over the edge

This episode is for you if... you are a high achiever in a leadership role who has to have the conversation nobody else will, has to make the call someone disagrees with, and lies awake replaying a decision you had to make. A doctor or professional who looks capable to everyone else but feels depleted when you get home.

You do not need to collapse to prove you were struggling.

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Burnout Self-Assessment Toolkit: https://youarenotafrog.com/toolkit/

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🟦 Beat Stress & Thrive | Live Cohort Starts 13 October

The Overwhelm SOS Toolkit
Stop the overwhelm and get back on track, without dropping balls or quitting.

Have you ever felt ashamed or frustrated that you didn't know the answer? Not to a clinical question, but about your own life - what's next, what's wrong, why you feel the way you do?

If you're the one everyone relies on, not knowing can feel like failing at the one thing you're supposed to be good at. This is a replay from 2024 I'm bringing back while I’m writing my book ‘How to Say No When Someone Might Die’. One of the things I keep coming back to in the book is how much of the load we carry isn't about the work at all. It's our ingrained programming that tells us we have to have the answer to feel good enough. And when we don't, it will affect your next decision, and the one after that.

In this episode we revisit what to do when the furniture is shifting, and why wait and see can be a strategy.

We cover:

• Why high achievers feel shame when they don't know what's next
• Shifting furniture - what to do when life is reconfiguring and you can't see where things will land
• Your left brain interpreter - and why it makes up catastrophic stories to feel safe
• Zone of Power - what is actually yours to carry, and what isn't
• Why wait and see is a valid, proactive strategy, not avoidance
• The next best action when you feel discombobulated

This episode is for you if... you are a doctor or professional, a high achiever in a leadership role who has to have the difficult conversation nobody else will, has to make the call someone disagrees with, and lies awake replaying a decision you had to make. If not knowing feels like not being good enough, this one is for you.

You are not a frog.

Mentioned in this episode:

🟦 Beat Stress & Thrive | Live Cohort Starts 13 October

Have you ever laid awake replaying a conversation with a tricky colleague, wondering if you were the one completely out of order? If you're a high achiever in a leadership role, you know the dilemma - you don't want to be the bad guy, so you avoid the awkward chat, pick up everyone else's slack, and say yes when you mean no. Then it leaks out at the worst possible moment.

In this fun episode I play Am I the A**hole? with Leanne and Al Elliott from Truth, Lies and Work. I read out workplace dilemmas and they give their verdicts - the nurse who keeps leaving early, the WhatsApp Work group from hell, the dreaded "can I have a quick word?", Gary the people-pleasing team leader, and yes, someone watching rather dodgy videos on a train.

You'll come away with the exact words to use when you need to raise something, why "no, and..." beats a plain no, and why your job as a leader is not to be nice, it's to be clear. You'll also meet a new species we name in the episode: the accidental arsehole - where our ingrained programming tells us we have to please everyone all the time to feel good enough, so we duck the conversation and it will affect your next decision, and the one after that.

Fair warning: fruity language in this one, so maybe not for the school run. And all scenarios are made up and stitched together from training stories - none is about anyone specific. Even if you've definitely got a Greta.

We cover:

• Am I the a**hole? How the game exposes why caring leaders duck hard chats
• The colleague who leaves early: the exact curious words to open a difficult conversation without judgment
• The WhatsApp group row: why it's on you to set your boundary
• Gary the people-pleaser: Drama Triangle, rescuing, and the MoSCoW way to hand work back before leave
• "Heard, held or helped?", "no, and..." and "I can't now, but I can at..." - phrases that make saying no doable
• The accidental arsehole: how avoidance, not harshness, creates most workplace conflict

This episode is for you if... you are a high achiever in a high stakes leadership role who has to have the conversation nobody else will, has to make the call someone disagrees with, and lies awake replaying a decision you had to make. If you say yes when you mean no and then feel resentful after, this will help you see what's actually happening and carry it differently.

You are not a frog.

Guests: Leanne Elliott and Al Elliott host the Truth, Lies and Work podcast - weekly conversations about work psychology, leadership and tricky team dynamics.

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Am I Stressed, Overwhelmed... or Burning Out?
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