When a person decides to leave an abusive relationship, it marks a significant loss of control for their partner that can make the abuse escalate. Most domestic violence homicides and serious injuries occur when a person decides to leave an abusive relationship. That is why safety planning is crucial for all people experiencing abuse, even if you don’t plan on leaving immediately.

In this episode, JBWS staff member Robin Hughes discusses:

• General tips to increase your safety
• How to deescalate an abusive situation
• Involving children in safety planning
• Staying safe after you leave the relationship
• And more

CONTENT:

(0:00) Introduction

(2:08) What Is Safety Planning?

(6:00) Preparing to Leave An Abusive Relationship

(8:13) Signs You Need to Deescalate

(10:08) How to Placate an Abusive Partner for Safety

(14:20) Tips for Preparing to Leave An Abusive Relationship

(18:32) "Where Do I Go Now?"

(21:35) Staying Safe After Leaving

(27:35) Document The Abuse

(29:41) Ideas for Safety Planning

(35:48) Safety Planning With A Restraining Order

(39:35) Involving Children in Safety Planning

(43:32) Weapons and Abuse

(46:06) Recap on Tips for Staying Safe

(51:44) Resources and About JBWS

*Every person’s circumstance is different. This podcast is intended to offer general tips for safety planning, not to offer advice. Not every suggestion will be right for you. Call a domestic violence agency and speak with an advocate to develop your own safety plan.

Resources and About JBWS:

JBWS's Services: Jbws.org/services

Morris County, NJ 24-Hour Helpline:1.877.782.2873

Passaic County, NJ 24-Hour Helpline: 1.973.881.1450

General Resources: https://jbws.org/helpful-domestic-violence-information/

Ideas for Safety Planning: https://jbws.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Developing-a-Safety-Plan.pdf

If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv

If you don't live or work in either Morris or Passaic County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Choking your partner during sex is becoming increasingly common. People engage in breath play to enhance eroticism and sexual pleasure.

But can sexual choking ever be a consensual act? Is it possible to consent to something that could kill you with the same force it takes to open a can of soda?

CONTENT:

Introduction (0:00)Choking vs. Strangulation (2:45)

Can You Consent to Choking? (3:59)

Dangers of Sexual Choking (5:34)

Choking and Abusive Relationships (10:45)

Defining Strangulation (16:21)

Warning Signs of Medical Distress (22:35)

Choking Puts Abuse Victims At Increased Risk of Death (25:34)
Talking to Teens About Sexual Choking (28:46)

BREATHE Protocol (34:24)

Is Sexual Choking Abuse? (37:52)

About JBWS & Resources (41:41)

Resources:

If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris or Passaic County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit jbws.org/services

If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

It’s difficult to find common ground when you disagree with someone politically. Instead of taking the time to really listen to each other, we get caught up in arguments and proving our points. Too often, this leads us to focus on what divides us instead of what unities us.

In this special episode of Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse the New Jersey Senate Minority Leader, Anthony M. Bucco, spoke about the importance of bipartisanship as it relates to domestic violence. Since domestic violence is an issue that impacts all people, with no regard to their political affiliation, it requires a unified front to end abuse.

Content:

(0:00) Introduction

(2:17) Why Domestic Violence Should Matter to Republicansand Democrats

(3:11) Conservative Values & Ending Domestic Violence

(4:46) Polarization, Politics, & Abuse

(7:08) Domestic Violence Legislation

(11:02) A Message About Abuse

(15:58) A Message from the New Jersey Coalition to EndDomestic Violence

(19:55) About JBWS & Resources

Resources:

Find more resources about restraining orders: ⁠jbws.org/resources

If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠ ⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠

If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

We’re not used to thinking about fighting with our partner in a healthy way, but it is possible to have fights with your partner, rooted in respect, that bring you closer together. This episode explores:

• How to fight in a healthier way
• Signs of unhealthy fighting
• How to effectively take a break from arguments
• Feeling emotions versus acting on those emotions
• Changing patterns of fights and arguments
• Tips to regulate your emotions, body, and mind
• And so much more!

CONTENT:

(0:00) Introduction

(1:36) The Benefit of Disagreements

(4:29) What is Healthy Fighting?

(6:35) Elements of a Healthy Fight

(10:49) Example of a Healthy Argument

(14:58) Don't Try To Make Your Partner Feel Bad

(20:17) Signs an Argument Is Becoming Unhealthy

(21:34) How to Effectively Take a Break From Arguing

(24:17) Change Takes Time, Don't Rush It

(29:15) How To Take A Break, Step by Step

(35:29) Feeling Emotions Versus Acting on Emotions

(38:32) Regulating Physical, Emotional, and Mental Energy

(45:57) Accountability and Behavior Change

(48:06) Signs of Abuse in Arguments

(53:04) About JBWS & Resources

Resources:

If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris or Passaic County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

What are restraining orders? What can you get a restraining order for? Who can apply for a restraining order? What does the restraining order process look like? In this episode, we explore all facets of restraining orders.

We cover the difference between a temporary restraining order and a final restraining order, the difference between a civil restraint and a restraining order, answer frequently asked questions and much more. Please note, this information applies to New Jersey law. If you are in another state or country it may be different.

CONTENT:

(0:00) Introduction

(2:38) What is a Restraining Order?

(4:37) Temporary vs. Final Restraining Orders

(8:22) What is a Predicate Act?

(9:58) Burden of Proof

(12:13) What is Involved in Obtaining a Restraining Order

(15:22) How Do You Get A Restraining Order?

(18:43) What Can You Get A Restraining Order For?

(23:30) Civil Restraint vs. Restraining Order

(27:09) Advice for Seeking a Restraining Order

(34:31) Prior Acts of Domestic Violence

(37:12) FAQs

(41:11) Violating a Restraining Order

(43:20) Will the Defendant Know I Filed?

(45:23) About JBWS & Resources

Resources:

Find more resources about restraining orders: ⁠jbws.org/resources

If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠ ⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠

If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Have you ever felt like you couldn't say no to someone? Were you ever encouraged to just give in to avoid embarrassing someone asking you on a date? Why do we prioritize the feelings of the person asking someone out and disregard the comfort of the person being asked?

In this episode, we discuss why it’s so hard for us to say no and the importance of accepting no.

Resources:⁠

Learn how to express concern for people experiencing jbws.org/resources

If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠ ⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠

If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

With the coverage surrounding Sean "Diddy" Combs trial, many people are questioning why Cassie Ventura didn't just leave Diddy. However, even asking this question demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of domestic violence.

We felt it was critically important to re-release this episode of Unsilenced that explores why leaving an abusive relationship isn't that easy and how is the most dangerous time in a victim's life.

Resources:

Learn how to express concern for people experiencing abuse

Learn how to express concern for people using abuse

If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠ ⁠jbws.org/services⁠

If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ jbws.org/jcnv⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

How can you tell if a person is naturally passionate and expresses their affection through big displays of love versus someone who is using love bombing to gain power and control? In this episode of Unsilenced, Dr. Danielle Graddick explains the signs of love bombing, how it differs from loving relationships, and how love bombing intersects with domestic violence.

Content:

(0:00) Introduction

(1:35) Defining Love Bombing

(3:00) Why is Love Bombing a Problem?

(4:15) What is the Effect of Love Bombing?

(7:57) Can Love Bombing Happen at Any Age?

(8:52) Love Bombing and The Cycle of Violence

(10:27) A Personal Experience with Love Bombing

(14:17) Romantic Gestures vs. Love Bombing

(20:04) Love Bombing and Social Media

(24:44) Love Bombing, Abuse, and Isolation

(26:53) Love Bombing? Or Genuine Interest?

(30:00) About JBWS and Resources

Resources:

If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠ jbws.org/services

If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit jbws.org/jcnv

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris