You are not being dramatic. You may simply be in the friendzone. 😬

This week on Trial & Error & Error, we’re unpacking the awkward, confusing, occasionally delusional world of unrequited feelings. What exactly is the friendzone? Why do admirers keep hanging around when the romantic memo has clearly been marked “no”? And why can the person doing the rejecting sometimes feel even worse? From back burners and emotional loopholes to “I’m not ready for a relationship” and the timeless classic, “You’re like a sibling to me,” we explore the psychology behind wanting to be loved, wanting to keep someone close, and mistaking intermittent attention for a grand romantic destiny.

We also ask whether the friendzone is really the romantic dead-end pop culture makes it out to be. Spoiler: friendship is actually one of the most common ways romantic relationships begin. So perhaps the real problem isn’t friendship—it’s staying on the emotional waiting list long after the position has been filled. 🤔

Expect research, personal stories, questionable romantic decisions, and at least one reminder that “he’s not that into you” is sometimes the closure you were waiting for.

• The friendzone is less “no to the person” and more “no to romance.”
• Admirers may stay because of hope, fantasy, emotional closeness, and intermittent rewards.
• Rejectors can experience guilt, pressure, confusion, and their own kind of emotional discomfort.
• “Back burners” are people kept in low-level romantic or emotional contact—just in case.
• Friendship is not the enemy of romance: many relationships begin as friendships.
• Clear communication and boundaries are kinder than keeping someone permanently on standby.
• You cannot convince someone to choose you—and you shouldn’t have to.

Stinson, Cameron & Hoplock (2022) — The Friends-to-Lovers Pathway to Romance Baumeister & Wotman — Breaking Hearts: The Two Sides of Unrequited Love LeFebvre et al. (2022) — Conceptualizing the Friendzone Phenomenon Bleske-Rechek et al. (2012) — Benefit or Burden? Attraction in Cross-Sex Friendship Back-burner relationship research — Dibble, Drouin and colleagues UAntwerpen research repository iResearchNet: Unrequited Love Psychology Today: “And You Think You’ve Got It Bad” The mental-health benefits of platonic relationships

‼️We apologize for the inconsistent audio quality in this episode. We recorded fully online, which caused some technical limitations and differences in sound quality between speakers. Thank you for your patience and understanding—and we hope you still enjoy the conversation! ❤️

Your 20s are basically: iced coffee ☕️, questionable texts 📱, and the bold confidence to say “I’ll start budgeting next week” 💸. So… naturally, we made an episode about it 🎙️✨

In this week’s chaos-coded chat, we’re breaking down the 10 biggest mistakes people make in their twenties — from thinking you need to have life “figured out” by 25 🫠, to building your entire personality around your job 💼, to staying in situationships that ended 3 business months ago 💔. It’s funny, it’s a little brutal 😅, it’s wildly relatable, and it might save you from at least one emotional support spiral 🌀

Expect laughs 😂, research-backed reality checks 🧠, and plenty of “wait… I do that” moments 😭

• You’re not behind — you’re just early ⏳💛 Your 20s are literally designed for experimenting, failing, pivoting, and trying again.
• Your job is something you do, not who you are 💼≠🧍 Having multiple “identities” (friend, hobbyist, gym-goer, menace) makes you more resilient.
• Money avoidance is expensive 💸📉 Compound interest doesn’t care that you were “too young to think about investing.”
• Love shouldn’t feel like a full-time emergency 🚨❤️ Chaos isn’t chemistry.
• Confidence is a reward, not a prerequisite 🏃‍♀️➡️😌 Action first, confidence later.
• Almost nothing is permanent 🔁🌍 Careers change, people reinvent themselves, and you’re allowed to pivot without a dramatic rebrand.

• Meg Jay — The Defining Decade
• Morgan Housel — The Psychology of Money
• Ramit Sethi — I Will Teach You to Be Rich
• Bill Perkins — Die With Zero
• Brené Brown — The Gifts of Imperfection
• James Clear — Atomic Habits
• Oliver Burkeman — Four Thousand Weeks

• Arnett, J. J. (2000) — Emerging Adulthood: A Theory of Development From the Late Teens Through the Twenties (American Psychologist)
• Arnett, J. J. (2014) — Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens Through the Twenties
• Jay, M. (2012) — clinical work & research on the developmental importance of your twenties
• Harvard Study of Adult Development (ongoing) — long-term findings on relationships, wellbeing, life satisfaction
• Kahneman, D. & Tversky, A. — decision-making research (incl. Sunk Cost Fallacy)
• World Health Organization (WHO) — young adult health & prevention guidance
• OECD — financial literacy and youth economic wellbeing reports

• The Diary of a CEO (Steven Bartlett)
• On Purpose with Jay Shetty
• The Mel Robbins Podcast
• The Psychology of Your 20s
• The School of Life (YouTube)
• TED Talks: Meg Jay (“Why 30 Is Not the New 20”), Brené Brown (“The Power of Vulnerability”)

Plot twist: your girls are taking a little summer breather. 💅🏽☀️

After a year of weekly episodes, questionable advice, unnecessary oversharing, deep conversations, chaotic stories and somehow turning our lives into podcast content… we’ve decided it’s time to slow things down just a tiny bit for summer.

But don’t panic — we’re not going anywhere! 💖

For the rest of the summer, the Trial and Error and Error Podcast will be switching from weekly episodes to one episode every two weeks. Our next full episode will be dropping next week, and then we’ll be back in your headphones every other week. 🎧✨

Consider this our ✨summer opening hours✨.

Most importantly, THANK YOU for understanding and for continuing to show up for us. Whether you’ve been here since episode one or discovered us somewhere along the way, every listen, share, message and recommendation means more to us than you know. 🥹🩷

So this isn’t goodbye. It’s simply:

☀️ Summer schedule: every two weeks 🎙️ Next episode: next week 💅🏽 Level of chaos: absolutely unchanged

Enjoy your summer, stay hydrated, wear your SPF, make good decisions (or at least decisions that make good podcast stories), and we’ll see you next week. 💋

Love, Ale and LJ 🩷🎙️