This week on The Midlife Mess, I’m diving into the viral dating philosophy from Burn the Haystack by Dr. Jennie Young — and honestly? I feel personally attacked in the best possible way.

I break down:

• What the “Burn the Haystack” method actually is
• How critical discourse analysis applies to dating profiles
• Why language reveals more than people realize
• The difference between intuition and rationalization
• “Attraction of deprivation” and why inconsistency can feel addictive
• The rhetorical red flags hiding in plain sight on dating apps
• Why “fluent in sarcasm” may not be as charming as men think it is
• Why online dating should be treated more like a job search than ordering takeout

I also confess that I got back on Bumble and paid for premium to test this method in real life…for journalism. Obviously.

This episode is funny, a little unhinged, deeply analytical, and ultimately about learning to stop rationalizing people who are showing you exactly who they are.

If you’ve ever:

• ignored your gut
• confused anxiety with chemistry
• over-explained bad behavior
• stayed too long in “potential”
• or wondered whether you’re being “too picky”…

…this one’s for you.

And yes, I’ll report back on whether I actually find any “needles.” 🔥🪡

This week on The Midlife Mess, I’m talking about love—but not just the romantic kind.

After revisiting 8 Rules of Love by Jay Shetty, I found myself reflecting on something that hit even harder this time around: society teaches us to place romantic love at the top of the pyramid, while often overlooking the many other forms of love that shape our lives just as deeply.

As someone navigating singleness in midlife, this conversation felt personal.

I talk honestly about the tension between wanting partnership while also learning to love yourself more deeply. About how singleness can feel peaceful one day and painful the next. About the life you pictured versus the life you have now—and how to stop treating your current chapter like a waiting room.

We also get into:

• Why self-love is more about boundaries than bubble baths
• How we confuse chemistry with compatibility
• The patterns midlife helps us finally recognize
• Why peace matters more than potential now
• The love of friendship, children, family, pets, and community
• Building a richly loved life—even before romance arrives

If you’re single, partnered, healing, hopeful, or somewhere in between, this one is for you.

This week, Lara shares a very real recap of the past couple of weeks—from spring break comparison spirals and a meaningful trip with her daughter, to friendship accountability, letting go of someone from her past, and processing tragic loss in her community.

This episode is about motherhood, grief, emotional growth, and what it looks like to hold joy and heartbreak at the same time.

In this episode:

• spring break pressure and comparison
• friendship, insecurity, and accountability
• love, longing, and not sending the text
• a sweet mother-daughter trip to Biltmore
• a funny Banana Ball mix-up
• grief, parenting fears, and talking to kids about hard things

Content note: This episode includes discussion of suicide and grief. If you or someone you love is struggling, you’re not alone. You can call or text 988 in the U.S. for support.