Someone asks how you feel and you deliver a flawless twelve-minute analysis of everyone else’s motivations. Or you say “fine.” Or you get nothing at all, just a blank where the answer should be.

If you grew up in a toxic family and your brain is wired differently, there are specific, mechanical reasons why identifying your own emotions is so difficult. This episode takes that apart.

Helen explains the three layers that stack on top of each other to produce this: alexithymia (a processing difference found at significantly higher rates in autistic and ADHD populations), trained emotional suppression from growing up in an environment where having feelings was punished, and the maintenance cycle that keeps the whole thing running on autopilot. She covers the research (Kinnaird, Stewart & Tchanturia on alexithymia prevalence in autism; Donfrancesco et al. on ADHD; Murphy & Brewer on interoception and emotional awareness) and explains why the standard advice doesn’t work for non-standard brains.

The Rewire section offers four sequential strategies designed for brains that forget things, find social scripts impossible, or don’t process internal experience visually: body-state check-ins, pattern mapping, retroactive emotional identification, and vocabulary expansion. With specific adaptations for ADHD and autistic processing.

This episode is first in the season because everything else depends on it.

Resources mentioned:

Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions

The Feelings Wheel (Geoffrey Roberts)

Go deeper:

The companion episode of Is This A Thing? takes the interoception piece from today’s episode and goes much further: how interoception works and doesn’t, why it presents differently in ADHD versus autistic brains, and what to do about it when standard body-based approaches assume a type of processing you don’t have. Available on The Hub: liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub

Aperio Profiles:

Neurodivergent-informed cognitive and personality profiling for individuals, managers, and HR. Not a diagnosis. A functional map of how your brain actually works.

aperioprofiles.co.uk

This week we're replaying one of our listeners' favourite episodes in which Patrick asks, is it autism or trauma?

When we’ve grown up in chaos, it can be hard to untangle our trauma from who we truly are. In this episode, Patrick explores the tangled web of trust, identity, and survival after a lifetime shaped by narcissistic abuse - and a recent autism diagnosis that’s reframed everything.

As he sits down with Helen, we witness a moving conversation about how trauma disguises itself in our thoughts, how autism and trauma intertwine, and how addiction can become a clever - if costly - coping mechanism. Together, they unpack people-pleasing, perfectionism, emotional disconnection, and the shame that lingers long after the abuse ends.

This is an episode about rebuilding from the rubble, reclaiming joy, and learning to trust yourself again.

If you would like to be a guest on The Liberation Effect, you can apply for one of our limited therapeutic sessions recorded for the podcast. Your identity is fully protected, and only twelve sessions are published each year: https://liberationacademy.co.uk/recorded-session-application/

Grow, connect and thrive with The Hub: ⁠⁠https://liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub/

In this solo episode, Helen responds to a listener who feels at breaking point in a relationship shaped by chronic stress, emotional withdrawal and fear. With two young children in the home, she explores the weight of being expected to absorb a partner’s distress, manage the emotional atmosphere, and question your own character for reacting to behaviour that feels unsafe. Losing patience is often framed as a personal failing, but this episode challenges that belief directly, reframing it as a signal that boundaries have been crossed for too long.

Helen unpacks the difference between explanation and excuse, especially when stress is used to justify shutting down, lashing out or emotionally disappearing. She speaks to the impact on children, the danger of walking on eggshells, and how childhood trauma can make people more likely to self blame rather than name harm. The episode also addresses financial fear, preparation rather than panic, and the importance of protecting emotional safety without minimising reality. This is a compassionate exploration of accountability, patterns, and the right to stop tolerating what hurts.

This week Helen is joined by Lucy, and together they explore the lasting impact of growing up with criticism, shaming and emotional chaos.

Despite years of therapy and increased awareness, Lucy still carries a harsh internal voice shaped by her relationship with her mother, particularly around her body, appearance and worth. Confidence was treated as something dangerous, and self acceptance often led to ridicule or punishment, leaving Lucy hyper aware of how she is seen and quick to turn against herself.The episode looks at how body shame and self loathing can become coping strategies in homes where safety is unpredictable and love feels conditional.

Lucy reflects on growing up around fear, conflict and instability, and how focusing on her body became a way to gain control when everything else felt overwhelming. It is an exploration of projection, survival and identity, and the slow work of separating your own truth from the voices that taught you to stay small.

If you would like to be a guest on The Liberation Effect, you can apply for one of our limited therapeutic sessions recorded for the podcast. Your identity is fully protected, and only twelve sessions are published each year: https://liberationacademy.co.uk/recorded-session-application/

Grow, connect and thrive with The Hub: ⁠⁠https://liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub/

In this episode, Helen speaks with Kate about the kind of guilt that forms when a child learns to survive by explaining away harm. Growing up in an emotionally unsafe home taught Kate to stay agreeable, take responsibility and protect her parents from accountability, even when their behaviour caused lasting damage. A central thread in the conversation is Kate’s reflection on her mother potentially being autistic, and the painful question of whether understanding that context changes, or excuses, the abuse she experienced.Together, they explore how children internalise blame when a parent cannot attune, regulate or repair, and how compassion is often confused with self erasure. Kate speaks about the fear of anger, the pressure to be fair at her own expense, and the belief that holding someone accountable is unkind. Helen challenges this directly, separating explanation from excuse and naming the cost of silencing your own experience.This is a conversation about guilt, power and the right to name harm, even when you understand where it came from.If you would like to be a guest on The Liberation Effect, you can apply for one of our limited therapeutic sessions recorded for the podcast. Your identity is fully protected, and only twelve sessions are published each year: https://liberationacademy.co.uk/recorded-session-application/Grow, connect and thrive with The Hub: ⁠⁠https://liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub/

In this conversation, Helen speaks with Sarah, who has carried a sense of not being good enough since childhood. Growing up in an environment where curiosity was treated as defiance and undiagnosed ADHD was seen as naughtiness, Sarah learned early that safety depended on silence, compliance and taking the blame. As an adult, that history lives on in self blame, people pleasing and the fear of letting others down. Together they explore how old coping mechanisms form in the absence of safety, how quickly internal voices can take over, and why worthiness can feel frightening even when you long for it.The conversation touches on grief for the child who tried so hard, the tension between knowing you are a good person and feeling unworthy, and the relief that comes when familiar patterns repeat, even at your own expense. It is honest look at what it means to slowly imagine a life where worth is not something earned, but something felt.If you would like to be a guest on The Liberation Effect, you can apply for one of our limited therapeutic sessions recorded for the podcast. Your identity is fully protected, and only twelve sessions are published each year: https://liberationacademy.co.uk/recorded-session-application/Grow, connect and thrive with The Hub: ⁠⁠https://liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub/

In this episode, Helen sits with Evie as she unravels the painful chain reaction that followed the betrayal of a long-term friend. What began as a rupture in a twenty one year friendship opened the door to something much older. Memories of a childhood shaped by a narcissistic mother, the loss of her father, and years spent surviving rather than becoming herself. The fallout has stirred insomnia, nightmares and flashbacks, as well as a grief for the identity she feels she never had the chance to form.Together they explore how familiar patterns repeat in friendships and relationships, why suppressed trauma can erupt when a safe person is lost, and what it means to rebuild trust from the inside out. The conversation looks at anger, self blame and the longing to be understood, and it gently shifts the focus from the behaviour of others to the power Evie has to choose herself now. It is an honest and reflective dialogue about identity, boundaries and beginning again after years of being shaped by someone else’s story.If you would like to be a guest on The Liberation Effect, you can apply for one of our limited therapeutic sessions recorded for the podcast. Your identity is fully protected, and only twelve sessions are published each year: https://liberationacademy.co.uk/recorded-session-application/Grow, connect and thrive with The Hub: ⁠⁠https://liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub/

To be on the show please apply here: ⁠⁠https://hub.liberationacademy.co.uk/podcast-application

In this episode, Helen speaks directly to the challenges of parenting when your own childhood was marked by fear, invalidation or emotional neglect. Drawing on the questions she is asked most often, she explores why a child’s big feelings can feel overwhelming to a parent with trauma, how rescue becomes a survival strategy rather than support, and why holding both connection and boundary is the foundation of safety for a child.

Helen unpacks the difference between old nervous system reactions and present day parenting choices, and offers compassionate guidance on repairing after you lose your temper, recognising when you are parenting your inner child instead of the child in front of you, and staying steady when your child rejects you or pulls away. She speaks honestly about the grief that can surface as you watch your child receive the care you never had, and the responsibility that comes with breaking long patterns of control, shame or emotional burden.

Grow, connect and thrive with The Hub: ⁠⁠https://liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub/