You promised yourself you would never be like them. You would never make your child feel the way you felt. So you do the opposite. You soften every hard edge, struggle to say no, and panic when your child is disappointed in you.

But what if trying so hard not to become your parent is still letting them shape the way you parent?

If you grew up in a toxic family, you may have no reliable benchmark for what healthy parenting actually looks like. This episode explores the parenting pendulum, why fear can push you towards permissiveness, rescuing, hypervigilance or repeating the very patterns you wanted to escape, and how to find the middle ground between control and fear-led parenting.

Resources mentioned:

Research on conditioning and learned behaviourChild development and age-appropriate expectationsResearch on rupture, repair, and relational safety

Go deeper:

The companion episode of Is This A Thing? explores how much of what your child does is actually about you, including why your child’s behaviour can trigger reactions that belong to your own childhood and how to separate the child in front of you from the child you once were. Available on The Hub: liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub

Aperio Profiles:

Neurodivergent-informed cognitive and personality profiling for individuals, managers, and HR. Not a diagnosis. A functional map of how your brain actually works.

aperioprofiles.co.uk

You have a cupboard full of abandoned hobbies. A project you still can’t bring yourself to throw away. Every unfinished task feels like evidence that you’re lazy, flaky, or incapable.

Except what if it isn’t?

If you have ADHD and grew up in an environment where your differences were criticised, mocked, or misunderstood, it can become almost impossible to separate the way your brain naturally works from the shame that was layered on top of it. This episode explores how ordinary ADHD traits become confused with character flaws, why unfinished projects carry so much emotional weight, and how years of criticism can leave you measuring yourself with a stick that was never built for your brain.

Resources mentioned:

Russell Barkley on ADHD and executive functionResearch on self-handicapping and perfectionismResearch on conditioning, shame, and behaviour change

Go deeper:

The companion episode of Is This A Thing? explores self-handicapping in much more depth, including why shame changes the way we approach goals, how perfectionism develops as a protective strategy, and what the evidence says about breaking the cycle. Available on The Hub: liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub

Aperio Profiles:

Neurodivergent-informed cognitive and personality profiling for individuals, managers, and HR. Not a diagnosis. A functional map of how your brain actually works.

aperioprofiles.co.uk

You meet someone and tell them your life story within a week. Or you’ve known someone for years and still don’t think they really know you.

It can feel like you’re either all in or completely shut down, with nothing in between.

If you grew up in an environment where your privacy wasn’t respected and your boundaries were repeatedly crossed, trusting other people can become incredibly difficult. This episode explores why oversharing and hyper-independence are often two versions of the same survival strategy, and why the real work isn’t learning to trust other people, it’s learning to trust yourself.

Resources mentioned:

Research on attachment and interpersonal trustResearch on boundaries and self-conceptNeurodivergence, masking, and relational safety

Go deeper:

The companion episode of Is This A Thing? explores the difference between privacy and secrecy, why so many survivors feel guilty for having an inner world of their own, and how learning to keep something for yourself can become an essential part of recovery. Available on The Hub: liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub

Aperio Profiles:

Neurodivergent-informed cognitive and personality profiling for individuals, managers, and HR. Not a diagnosis. A functional map of how your brain actually works.

aperioprofiles.co.uk