Episodes

  • From Avoiding Intimacy Altogether to Losing Track of Time and Space | Alex Gear | EP211

    From Avoiding Intimacy Altogether to Losing Track of Time and Space | Alex Gear | EP211
    Jun 22 2026
    Send us Fan MailThere is a reason so many men stop dating, ghost after great dates, or avoid intimacy altogether. It is not a lack of desire. It is a fear so loaded with shame that most men would rather disappear than face it. This episode is raw and vulnerable, and you can feel it in Chad's energy - and the numerous technical glitches that show up, even the computers were feeling it. It's not a fun conversation to have, but for a lot of men, it's the most important one yet. In this episode, Chad sits down with UK-based sex and intimacy coach Alex Gear to talk about one of the most common and least discussed issues in men's sexual health: performance anxiety and what the industry calls premature ejaculation. Together they unpack where the fear actually comes from, why confidence alone cannot fix it, how the pressure men put on themselves to perform is the very thing preventing the experience they want, and why resolving this one issue ripples out into every area of a man's life. This one is for every man who has ever avoided something he wanted because he was afraid of what might happen if it went well. In this interview, you'll learn: • Why “premature ejaculation” is a misleading term and why there is no correct duration for sex• How porn, locker room culture, and mainstream media created a performance standard no real sex life can meet - and no one even really wants!• Why confidence-building techniques can paper over fear but never actually remove it• How the fear underneath performance anxiety is almost always the same core wound: I am not good enough• Why men ghost after great dates, and why it has nothing to do with not being interested• How the shame around this issue keeps men suffering alone and avoiding not just sex but connection, dating, and relationships• Why trying to make your partner orgasm from a place of anxiety almost guarantees she won’t• What the orgasm gap actually reveals about men’s fear of failure rather than indifference to their partner’s pleasure• What it looks like on the other side: intimacy where time and space disappear and presence replaces performance• Why this work is not just for men who feel broken but for any man who wants more from his intimate life You are allowed to choose yourself. You are allowed to stop playing small. The life you are grieving may be the very thing making room for the one you actually belong in. With Love and Safety,Chad & April ❤️ What We Discuss: 0:00 — The fear underneath premature ejaculation: I don’t know if I’m good enough0:38 — Welcome to Safe to Love | Introducing Alex Gear, sex and intimacy coach1:10 — Why “premature ejaculation” is a loaded term and what language actually serves men better3:41 — How porn and mainstream media wrote the rulebook for men’s sexual identity8:23 — Why every guy’s dream is control, and why the obsession with duration gets in the way10:05 — Neither partner knows what the other wants, and nobody is asking12:29 — Why confidence is not the fix: papering over fear versus removing it14:52 — It is not a fear of sex. It is a fear of not being good enough16:02 — How performance anxiety cascades into avoidance of emotional vulnerability and relationships19:10 — How social media pile-ons weaponize sexual performance to assassinate men’s character23:52 — Why so many men have stopped dating entirely and why you didn’t hear back from him after a great date29:21 — Suffering in isolation: why men will not admit this to other men32:29 — The Orgasm Gap34:17 — Why desperately trying to make her orgasm is exactly what prevents it36:46 — When men like Clavicular say they don’t care if she comes: protection mechanism, not indifference40:04 — Alex’s four to six week program42:21 — What early results actually look like: removing fear so the real work can begin44:35 — This work is not just for men who feel broken. It is for any man who wants more45:54 — How confidence in the bedroom becomes confidence everywhere46:50 — What safe, deep sexual intimacy actually feels like on the other side of this work49:50 — Alex’s closing message: love is available for everyone. See your own value. Follow Alex on Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/intimacyanxietyalexBook a call on Alex's Website | https://www.alex-gear.comSupport the show🔔 Subscribe for more great content and share this with someone who needs to hear it. Ready to get to work on yourself and your own relationship?❤️ Work With ChadInstagram | @chadonlove❤️ Work with AprilInstagram | @aprilbenincosa Follow or Contact Safe to Love:Email | admin@safetolove.orgWebsite | safetolove.org YouTube | @SafetoLoveShow Facebook | Safe-to-Love Instagram | @safetoloveshow TikTok | @safetoloveshow
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    50 mins
  • How Human Design Helped Us Stop Taking Each Other's Feelings Personally | Natalie Peace | EP210

    How Human Design Helped Us Stop Taking Each Other's Feelings Personally | Natalie Peace | EP210
    Jun 15 2026
    Send us Fan MailIn this episode, Chad and April sit down with human design coach Natalie Pearce, the same coach who helped them navigate a pivotal turning point in their own relationship. Natalie breaks down what human design actually is, why it's less a belief system and more an invitation to experiment, and how understanding your own wiring (and your partner's) can completely change the way you show up for each other. Then things get personal: Natalie pulls up Chad and April's actual charts live, on camera, and walks through the real differences driving some of their most repeated dynamics, from busyness and pressure to communication styles and self-worth. If you've ever felt like your partner just doesn't get you, or wondered why the same argument keeps resurfacing in a slightly different form, this episode offers a new lens, and a lot of relief. In this interview, you'll learn: • What human design is and why it's best approached as an experiment, not a belief system• Why an emotional partner asking a non-emotional partner to "meet them emotionally" almost never works, and what to do instead• How to tell the difference between your true nature (self) and the conditioning you've absorbed from others (not self)• Why waiting 24 hours (or even 7 days) before responding to a big emotional decision can change everything• How couples who feel like they're "speaking different languages" can finally understand why• Why explaining your nature to your partner isn't making excuses, it's making room for understanding• How undefined energy centers cause you to amplify other people's emotions, stress, or mental noise as if it were your own• Why some people are wired to be naturally busy and energized by it, while others burn out trying to keep up• What it means to have a defined heart center versus an undefined one, and how that shapes self-worth in a relationship• Why opposites attract in relationships, and what it takes to make that dynamic work long term instead of losing yourself in it• How to recognize when you're trying to prove yourself to your partner, and why that pattern often goes unnoticed• What it looks like to take radical accountability for your nature instead of using it as an excuse You are allowed to choose yourself. You are allowed to stop playing small. The life you are grieving may be the very thing making room for the one you actually belong in. With Love and Safety,Chad & April ❤️ What We Discuss: 0:00 — Why an emotional person can never get what they need from a non-emotional partner0:25 — Welcome to Safe to Love | Introducing Natalie Pearce and human design1:25 — What human design actually is (and the mystical origin story behind it)2:31 — The four basic human design types, explained simply6:33 — How often couples actually bring human design into their relationship work7:18 — Is there a human design version of "these signs shouldn't date"?9:02 — Why human design is an invitation to experiment, not a religion10:14 — The biggest shift Natalie made once she started living by her own design11:39 — Self vs. not self: the framework that changes how you see your own reactions16:10 — The man who stared at the exit sign at his own wedding17:08 — How Natalie actually works with couples, not by telling them who to be20:14 — Why the emotional person's needs feel unmet, and why that's not their partner's fault23:37 — "It's not an excuse, it's an explanation": reframing nature instead of blaming it28:07 — Why the undefined partner feels the emotional wave even stronger than the emotional one29:14 — Chad's undefined head and mind: why his thoughts feel so loud, and why most of it isn't even his35:23 — Natalie reads Chad and April's charts live for the first time38:17 — April's struggle channel and why Chad can never fully "fix" it39:31 — Defined root vs. undefined root: who actually owns the stress in the room43:42 — The channel of busyness and charisma: why Chad can't stop filling his calendar50:00 — Defined throat vs. undefined throat: why April's voice changes depending on who's in the room53:29 — Defined heart vs. undefined heart: where self-worth actually comes from1:01:56 — Learning to tell the difference between your own voice and someone else's inside your head1:04:41 — Role models explained: April the Opportunist and Chad the Hermit1:13:15 — Natalie's services, where to find her, and her grief support work1:16:16 — Final advice: stop buying your own bullshit Follow Natalie on FB and IG @newnormal.bydesign Email: peaceofmindcoach@startmail.com Phone: 801-726-4619 Website Support the show🔔 Subscribe for more great content and share this with someone who needs to hear it. Ready to get to work on yourself and your own relationship?❤️ Work With ChadInstagram | @chadonlove❤️ ...
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    1 hr and 17 mins
  • Why the Conversation You Keep Avoiding Is the One You Need Most | April Benincosa | EP209

    Why the Conversation You Keep Avoiding Is the One You Need Most | April Benincosa | EP209
    Jun 8 2026
    Send us Fan MailApril thought a marriage with no fighting was the goal. What she discovered was that the silence wasn't peace. It was two people slowly disappearing from each other.In this raw and deeply personal episode, Chad sits down with his partner April Benincosa to explore why avoiding hard conversations is the single fastest way to kill intimacy, and what finally happens when you stop running from them. They get honest about childhood nervous system programming, the performance of a "perfect" relationship, what it means to create real space for truth, and how one dreaded conversation led to the most connected night they'd had in months.This is not a conversation about conflict. It is a conversation about courage, and what becomes possible when two people finally decide to stop pretending.Did you know Safe to Love is also on YouTube?In this interview, you'll learn:1. Why the absence of conflict in a relationship is often a warning sign, not a green flag2. How the stories your brain tells during conflict are almost always worse than reality3. Why you have already been suffering long before the hard conversation actually happens4. How childhood nervous system wiring turns necessary conversations into felt threats5. What "creating space" actually means in practice and why rushed conversations almost always go wrong6. Why curiosity is impossible when your nervous system is in threat mode and what to do about it7. How performing a perfect relationship quietly replaces real intimacy with a shared mask8. Why the stakes feeling higher as a relationship deepens is normal and what to do with that9. What Tantra teaches about presence, authenticity, and why a real no makes a yes mean something10. How to know your own truth when you have spent years absorbing everyone else's11. Why conflict is often just intimacy that ran out of room and what that means for repairYou are allowed to choose yourself. You are allowed to stop playing small. The life you are grieving may be the very thing making room for the one you actually belong in.With Love and Safety,Chad & April ❤️What We Discuss:0:00 — The story your brain tells you during conflict (and why it's almost never true)0:34 — Welcome to Safe to Love | Introducing April Benincosa2:05 — The post that started it all: not having hard conversations kills intimacy2:52 — The conversation April had been rehearsing alone for weeks4:08 — Why avoidance hurts more than the conversation ever does4:39 — Creating space: why tired, rushed, and empty-cup conversations go wrong6:53 — What spaciousness actually means and why the feminine needs it to flourish8:06 — Spiritual bypassing, wanting joy without doing the dishes8:30 — April's childhood nervous system: explosive mom, absent dad, and a freeze response still unwinding10:12 — How quality time gets hijacked by task mode and what that costs a relationship12:03 — Creativity, curiosity, and the drain that happens when life gets full13:54 — Why safety is a prerequisite for curiosity in relationships15:21 — The stories we tell about our relationship when conflict arrives17:16 — Why the stories we avoid speaking out loud keep us suffering alone20:21 — Why hard conversations get harder as the relationship deepens23:34 — The irony of performing your best self upfront and what it costs later26:00 — Where April learned to perform29:09 — A 15-year marriage, a decade of wanting to leave, and the success the mask made possible30:43 — Two people performing a power couple and the quiet loneliness inside it31:55 — What April discovered when she was asked about her needs for the first time33:19 — Falling back into old patterns under stress and what it means to rebuild from an embodied place36:00 — What Tantra teaches about presence, realness, and why a no makes a yes sacred38:20 — Sexual intimacy, the female orgasm, and why presence is the only path there40:28 — If you don't have a no, your yes doesn't mean anything41:33 — Is it harder to share your truth or hear your partner's?45:03 — Spaciousness for yourself: knowing your own truth before you can speak it46:24 — April's closing message: have the hard conversations. They are never as bad as you made them.Support the show🔔 Subscribe for more great content and share this with someone who needs to hear it. Ready to get to work on yourself and your own relationship?❤️ Work With ChadInstagram | @chadonlove❤️ Work with AprilInstagram | @aprilbenincosa Follow or Contact Safe to Love:Email | admin@safetolove.orgWebsite | safetolove.org YouTube | @SafetoLoveShow Facebook | Safe-to-Love Instagram | @safetoloveshow TikTok | @safetoloveshow
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    47 mins
  • How Honoring Your Grief Finally Opens Your Heart to Love | Mariposa | EP208

    How Honoring Your Grief Finally Opens Your Heart to Love | Mariposa | EP208
    Jun 1 2026
    Send us Fan MailIn this episode, we sit down with April’s mentor Mariposa to explore what grief really is, why our culture is so ill-equipped to support it, and how learning to honor loss — instead of avoid it — is the only real path to opening your heart for love again. This conversation is for anyone who has ever felt stuck after heartbreak, afraid to trust again, or ashamed of still caring about someone they lost. Discover how to hold space for grief in relationships, why rushing to recover actually keeps you trapped, and how sacred practices from indigenous traditions can help you move through loss with dignity, power, and hope — keywords: how to heal after divorce, processing grief after a breakup, how to open your heart to love again, grief in relationships, emotional healing and intimacy.Follow Mariposa on Instagram to learn more about her!In this interview, you'll learn:1. Why grief is not a weakness but a sacred teacher that shows you what you truly value2.How to hold space for your own grief without being swallowed by it3. Why one partner almost always begins grieving a relationship long before the other even knows it is ending4. What it actually means that "grief is love with nowhere to go"5. How unprocessed grief from a past relationship gets silently projected onto the next person who loves you6. Why American culture is so ill-equipped to support grief, and what other traditions do instead7. How to hold space for a grieving partner without trying to fix or rush their process8. The difference between avoiding grief and becoming consumed by it, and how to walk the middle path9. How to grieve the life you never lived, including the partner or children you never had10. Why grieving your ex inside a new relationship may actually be a sign you are finally healing11. What anger and rage have to do with grief, and when they help versus when they keep you entangled12. How to keep your heart open to love again after bitterness and heartbreak have tried to close it13. The one practice Morwenna returns to again and again when grief feels too vast to hold aloneWith Love and Safety,Chad & April ❤️What we discuss:00:00:31 - April introduces Morwenna and the reason grief became the topic for this episode00:01:34 - Morwenna introduces herself: guide of consciousness, ceremonialist, and how grief first found her at 2300:03:51 - Why grief in romantic relationships and the loss of a dream is so hard for the human experience00:05:31 - "Grief is love with nowhere to go": April shares her first real encounter with grief through divorce00:06:40 - The Serenity Prayer and the power of accepting what we cannot change in grief00:07:26 - Chad: how his father's suicide shaped every aspect of his life and still surfaces in unexpected ways00:08:33 - How people avoid grief out of fear they will never come out of it00:09:20 - Why grief can feel so out of control, and the human instinct to negotiate with or escape the feeling00:10:17 - The two extremes: avoidance versus being consumed, and how to create space for grief as it is00:12:33 - Grief as a teacher: how loss reveals what we did not value when we had it00:13:16 - Morwenna: actively grieving the time lost with her children as a single working mother00:13:56 - April: grieving her marriage while still inside it, and what her sister helped her see00:14:57 - Chad: being the partner who did not know the relationship was ending, and the grief gap that creates00:16:11 - Why it is nearly impossible to compare how two people grieve the same loss00:17:12 - April: crying for hours while putting on a mask before Chad came home, preparing herself for what she knew was coming00:19:19 - How to hold space for a grieving partner: Morwenna's guidance for couples00:21:51 - The Serenity Prayer again: sitting with powerlessness when your partner is in grief and you cannot fix it00:23:28 - Grief, powerlessness, and the collective: feeling overwhelmed by what is happening in the world right now00:24:07 - How to reclaim a sense of power inside grief: energy, thought, creative action, and nature00:26:47 - Grieving the life you never lived: not finding a partner, not having children, the loss of a dream that never arrived00:29:23 - Waiting for the "then" moment of happiness, and why choosing it now is the real work00:32:15 - Chad: a decade of being single after divorce, the grief of the life not lived, and the shame that comes with it00:33:54 - Morwenna: the story of the Colombian elder whose wife left him, and what he did with that grief00:36:41 - Why the United States has such an unhealthy relationship with death and grief, and how other cultures hold it differently00:37:56 - The Celtic tradition of singing someone to the other side, and grief as a celebration in other realms00:40:03 - How unprocessed grief stores in the body and what that can look like over time00:41:44 - Why we give even less honor to the grief of a relationship ending than to death, and the cultural scorn that...
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    1 hr and 7 mins
  • Shame Has Never Fixed a Man - Here Is What Actually Works | Chad Nielson | EP207

    Shame Has Never Fixed a Man - Here Is What Actually Works | Chad Nielson | EP207
    May 25 2026
    Send us Fan MailIn this episode, Chad takes an honest, vulnerable look at the real masculinity crisis — where it comes from, what it's costing men and the women who love them, and what actually rebuilds identity and attraction. This conversation is for the woman who wants to understand the man in her life, and for the man who feels something is missing but has no language for it. Explore masculinity, emotional identity, sexual polarity, men's mentorship, and why shame never creates the change we're desperately looking for.In this interview, you'll learn:How Chad redefined masculinity after years of rejecting it entirelyWhy playground dominance wiring still drives adult male behaviorThe cultural vacuum that made Andrew Tate possible — and what actually fills itWhy telling men what NOT to be created more damage than it solvedHow labeling emotions as "feminine" quietly kills men's growth and your relationshipThe real difference between masculine and feminine energy frameworks — and why Chad pushes back on the popular versionWhy men doing inner work FOR their partner almost always backfiresWhat sovereignty actually looks like in a man — and why women are more attracted to it than they realizeHow women can support a man's growth without trying to fix himWhy men's community is the single most impactful thing for a relationship — more than coaching or retreatsWith Love and Safety,Chad & April ❤️What We Discuss:0:00 Why physical strength feels like identity to young men but isn't5:59 Playground dominance: how boys define strength before they understand it9:49 Strength of will vs. strength of character, and why it matters in relationships13:59 How adversity and mentorship together are the only things that build real character21:59 Why the mentorship gap is a generational crisis, and where men are going to fill it23:10 The unmet need Andrew Tate exploits, and what it reveals about modern masculinity27:30 Men in the wild: the Costco moment that started a bigger conversation29:54 Why social media creates a distorted reality about how bad men actually are34:29 The fracture inside men who rejected masculinity wholesale, including Chad38:45 Why "masculine and feminine energy" language backfires with men who want to feel like men41:39 The dinner table story: four men talking about feelings, one phrase, and sudden silence44:51 Why women connecting to their masculine is empowering, while men connecting to their feminine feels threatening46:16 What women actually crave vs. what men fear losing when they drop the performance49:15 Sexual polarity: the real energy underneath attraction, and why it gets weaponized54:25 The women who've given up on men, and the women who want Chad to fix their husbands56:35 Why caring about men's inner world is controversial, and why it matters anyway59:02 The global argument: how the feminine rage uprising and masculine identity crisis are the same wound from two sides1:00:06 Why shame and blame never fix anything, and what actually does1:03:30 The catch-22 of pleasing your partner: why trying harder makes attraction fade1:07:19 Chad's final word to women: what believing in your man actually looks like1:09:14 Chad's final word to men: stop giving other people the power to define who you areLink to Podcast with Cam Fraser:AppleSpotifySupport the show🔔 Subscribe for more great content and share this with someone who needs to hear it. Ready to get to work on yourself and your own relationship?❤️ Work With ChadInstagram | @chadonlove❤️ Work with AprilInstagram | @aprilbenincosa Follow or Contact Safe to Love:Email | admin@safetolove.orgWebsite | safetolove.org YouTube | @SafetoLoveShow Facebook | Safe-to-Love Instagram | @safetoloveshow TikTok | @safetoloveshow
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    1 hr and 7 mins
  • Overcoming People Pleasing and How to Create Safety for Pleasure | Jennifer Holland | EP206

    Overcoming People Pleasing and How to Create Safety for Pleasure | Jennifer Holland | EP206
    May 11 2026

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    Jennifer Holland, somatic coach and creator of the DRIPP methodology, joins April for a raw, expansive conversation about why real pleasure can only emerge from deep safety in the body. They explore de-armoring (releasing trauma stored in physical tissue), the difference between people-pleasing and devotion, "inner daddy" energy as a reframe of reparenting, and why so many women feel pleasure as more dangerous than pain. If you've done years of mindset work and still feel stuck in the same patterns, this episode is the somatic next layer.

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    1. Why safety and pleasure are inseparable in the body

    2. What de-armoring actually is and how trauma physically lives in your tissue

    3. The difference between people-pleasing and true devotion (to yourself and a partner)

    4. How to develop "inner daddy" energy without slipping into shame or reparenting

    5. Why slowing down often unleashes a tsunami of unfelt emotion, and what to do with it

    6. How somatic touch and self-massage rewire the nervous system back into pleasure

    7. Why the cervix holds generational and birth trauma (and what cervical de-armoring reveals)

    8. Why everyone should begin a safe self-de-armoring practice at home

    You are allowed to choose yourself. You are allowed to stop playing small. The life you are grieving may be the very thing making room for the one you actually belong in.

    With Love and Safety,

    Chad & April ❤️

    What We Discuss:

    0:00 Why slowing down unleashes a tsunami of unfelt emotion

    1:56 Jennifer's purpose: bringing people home to their bodies

    4:56 Why so many women can't look at themselves in the mirror

    6:49 How control and disconnection cause disease in the body

    11:52 Inner daddy energy: a kinky reframe of reparenting

    22:31 Pleasing a partner vs. devotion to yourself

    30:38 Devotion, worship, and Mary Magdalene healing

    33:44 The rise of yoni de-armoring and why women are seeking it

    38:50 What de-armoring actually is (and what it isn't)

    44:54 How to begin a self-de-armoring practice at home

    46:58 Cervical armor, generational trauma, and unlocking new pleasure

    55:08 Where to find Jennifer (Drip retreat, online classes, 1:1 work)

    58:19 Closing wisdom: trust the inner voice you abandoned

    Support the show

    🔔 Subscribe for more great content and share this with someone who needs to hear it.


    Ready to get to work on yourself and your own relationship?

    ❤️ Work With Chad
    Instagram | @chadonlove

    ❤️ Work with April
    Instagram | @aprilbenincosa

    Follow or Contact Safe to Love:

    Email | admin@safetolove.org
    Website | safetolove.org
    YouTube | @SafetoLoveShow
    Facebook | Safe-to-Love
    Instagram | @safetoloveshow
    TikTok | @safetoloveshow
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    1 hr
  • Somatic Healing, Freeze States and Safer Relationships | Darci Burke | EP205

    Somatic Healing, Freeze States and Safer Relationships | Darci Burke | EP205
    May 4 2026

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    Most people think they are broken when they feel emotionally shut down, stuck in painful patterns, or numb in their relationships.

    Somatic practitioner Darci Burke joins April and Chad to explain why your nervous system is not broken, it is protecting you.

    And how learning to work with your body instead of against it is the key to healing, deeper connection, and love that actually feels safe.


    In this interview, you'll learn:

    1. How to recognize if you are living in a freeze state without knowing it
    2. Why your nervous system shuts down instead of fighting or fleeing
    3. What the difference is between freeze and full dorsal vagal shutdown
    4. Why trauma is not about what happened to you but what happened inside you
    5. How childhood wounds get silently projected onto your adult partner
    6. Why regulation does not mean calm it means presence
    7. How to stay present with anger without destroying yourself or your relationship
    8. Why you cannot think your way out of what your body is holding
    9. How titration and pendulation release survival energy safely from the body
    10. Why plant medicine and breathwork can re-traumatize an under-resourced nervous system
    11. How to communicate your body sensations to your partner during conflict
    12. Why relationship health is measured by how fast you repair not how often you rupture.


    You are allowed to choose yourself. You are allowed to stop playing small. The life you are grieving may be the very thing making room for the one you actually belong in.

    With Love and Safety,
    Chad & April ❤️


    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Teaser: Why relationships become self-serving without inner work
    01:30 Introducing somatic practitioner Darci Burke
    03:00 Live grounding practice, orienting and resourcing your nervous system
    10:00 How Darci's own healing led her to somatic work
    15:00 Chad on freeze, dissociation, and men's disconnection from the body
    17:36 What a freeze state actually is and why it is exhausting
    20:00 The antelope analogy, freeze as survival, not weakness
    21:35 Functional freeze, functioning on the outside, numb on the inside
    26:00 Trauma is what happened inside you, not just what happened to you
    28:26 The personality traits that are actually survival patterns
    31:00 Why healing must be slow, titrated, and consistent
    36:31 Women, anger, and the nervous system history behind it
    40:00 Regulation means presence, not calm
    42:38 Your partner mirrors your unresolved wounds
    47:00 How childhood rewires your definition of love and safety
    55:00 Your nervous system sets the foundation for your entire lived experience
    57:00 Practical somatic steps to heal freeze inside a relationship
    1:00:19 How to name body sensations to your partner during conflict
    1:01:17 Relationship health is how fast you repair after rupture
    1:06:22 How to connect with Darci Burke
    1:07:20 Darci's closing message, come home to yourself

    Support the show

    🔔 Subscribe for more great content and share this with someone who needs to hear it.


    Ready to get to work on yourself and your own relationship?

    ❤️ Work With Chad
    Instagram | @chadonlove

    ❤️ Work with April
    Instagram | @aprilbenincosa

    Follow or Contact Safe to Love:

    Email | admin@safetolove.org
    Website | safetolove.org
    YouTube | @SafetoLoveShow
    Facebook | Safe-to-Love
    Instagram | @safetoloveshow
    TikTok | @safetoloveshow
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    1 hr and 9 mins
  • Somatic Transformation - Why Mindset Work Only Gets You So Far | April Benincosa | EP204

    Somatic Transformation - Why Mindset Work Only Gets You So Far | April Benincosa | EP204
    Apr 27 2026

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    Everything you learned about mindset, willpower, and "faking it till you make it" has gotten you this far, but what happens when you hit the wall? In this deeply personal conversation, April sits on the other side of the mic as Chad interviews her about the somatic, nervous-system-level transformation she's walked through this year and what embodied change actually looks like when you stop performing and start feeling.

    This episode is for anyone who has done the mindset work, read the books, attended the seminars, and still hits the same wall. It's for the woman tired of wearing masks of confidence, the man learning to lead with vulnerability, and the couple ready to stop repeating old patterns.

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    • Why "fake it till you make it" creates masks of confidence instead of real change
    • The three ways of knowing (mind, heart, gut) and why embodiment is the missing piece
    • How to reframe discipline as devotion to end the burnout cycle
    • Why safety in your body matters more than confidence or willpower
    • How triggers in relationships become the fastest path to healing
    • The truth about vulnerability that real leaders never talk about
    • What it actually means to be self-led (and which parts of you are driving)
    • A daily practice for coming back to love when your walls go up


    You are allowed to choose yourself. You are allowed to stop playing small. The life you are grieving may be the very thing making room for the one you actually belong in.

    With Love and Safety,
    Chad & April ❤️


    What We Discuss:
    0:00 The part of myself that takes the most courage to face
    0:35 Welcome + what transformation really means on a nervous system level
    2:40 The three ways of knowing and why embodiment changes everything
    4:15 Why mindset work alone hits a wall
    5:25 The conversation that built Safe to Love: safety as love language
    6:05 Willpower is force (and why it leads to burnout)
    8:30 Reframing discipline as devotion
    12:15 Performing a better life vs. actually living one
    15:00 From Tony Robbins and NLP to somatic coaching
    40:20 Why the inner work never ends (and why that's the point)
    43:30 The hardest thing to embody this year: true vulnerability
    45:40 What it's like being with a partner who can see your mess
    50:00 What it actually means to be self-led
    52:40 A daily devotion to love yourself back to an open heart

    Support the show

    🔔 Subscribe for more great content and share this with someone who needs to hear it.


    Ready to get to work on yourself and your own relationship?

    ❤️ Work With Chad
    Instagram | @chadonlove

    ❤️ Work with April
    Instagram | @aprilbenincosa

    Follow or Contact Safe to Love:

    Email | admin@safetolove.org
    Website | safetolove.org
    YouTube | @SafetoLoveShow
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    55 mins