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Safe to Love

Safe to Love

By: Chad Nielson and April Benincosa
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We are on a mission to help the world believe in love again, and give you the courage to find it!

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Episodes
  • From Avoiding Intimacy Altogether to Losing Track of Time and Space | Alex Gear | EP211

    From Avoiding Intimacy Altogether to Losing Track of Time and Space | Alex Gear | EP211
    Jun 22 2026
    Send us Fan MailThere is a reason so many men stop dating, ghost after great dates, or avoid intimacy altogether. It is not a lack of desire. It is a fear so loaded with shame that most men would rather disappear than face it. This episode is raw and vulnerable, and you can feel it in Chad's energy - and the numerous technical glitches that show up, even the computers were feeling it. It's not a fun conversation to have, but for a lot of men, it's the most important one yet. In this episode, Chad sits down with UK-based sex and intimacy coach Alex Gear to talk about one of the most common and least discussed issues in men's sexual health: performance anxiety and what the industry calls premature ejaculation. Together they unpack where the fear actually comes from, why confidence alone cannot fix it, how the pressure men put on themselves to perform is the very thing preventing the experience they want, and why resolving this one issue ripples out into every area of a man's life. This one is for every man who has ever avoided something he wanted because he was afraid of what might happen if it went well. In this interview, you'll learn: • Why “premature ejaculation” is a misleading term and why there is no correct duration for sex• How porn, locker room culture, and mainstream media created a performance standard no real sex life can meet - and no one even really wants!• Why confidence-building techniques can paper over fear but never actually remove it• How the fear underneath performance anxiety is almost always the same core wound: I am not good enough• Why men ghost after great dates, and why it has nothing to do with not being interested• How the shame around this issue keeps men suffering alone and avoiding not just sex but connection, dating, and relationships• Why trying to make your partner orgasm from a place of anxiety almost guarantees she won’t• What the orgasm gap actually reveals about men’s fear of failure rather than indifference to their partner’s pleasure• What it looks like on the other side: intimacy where time and space disappear and presence replaces performance• Why this work is not just for men who feel broken but for any man who wants more from his intimate life You are allowed to choose yourself. You are allowed to stop playing small. The life you are grieving may be the very thing making room for the one you actually belong in. With Love and Safety,Chad & April ❤️ What We Discuss: 0:00 — The fear underneath premature ejaculation: I don’t know if I’m good enough0:38 — Welcome to Safe to Love | Introducing Alex Gear, sex and intimacy coach1:10 — Why “premature ejaculation” is a loaded term and what language actually serves men better3:41 — How porn and mainstream media wrote the rulebook for men’s sexual identity8:23 — Why every guy’s dream is control, and why the obsession with duration gets in the way10:05 — Neither partner knows what the other wants, and nobody is asking12:29 — Why confidence is not the fix: papering over fear versus removing it14:52 — It is not a fear of sex. It is a fear of not being good enough16:02 — How performance anxiety cascades into avoidance of emotional vulnerability and relationships19:10 — How social media pile-ons weaponize sexual performance to assassinate men’s character23:52 — Why so many men have stopped dating entirely and why you didn’t hear back from him after a great date29:21 — Suffering in isolation: why men will not admit this to other men32:29 — The Orgasm Gap34:17 — Why desperately trying to make her orgasm is exactly what prevents it36:46 — When men like Clavicular say they don’t care if she comes: protection mechanism, not indifference40:04 — Alex’s four to six week program42:21 — What early results actually look like: removing fear so the real work can begin44:35 — This work is not just for men who feel broken. It is for any man who wants more45:54 — How confidence in the bedroom becomes confidence everywhere46:50 — What safe, deep sexual intimacy actually feels like on the other side of this work49:50 — Alex’s closing message: love is available for everyone. See your own value. Follow Alex on Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/intimacyanxietyalexBook a call on Alex's Website | https://www.alex-gear.comSupport the show🔔 Subscribe for more great content and share this with someone who needs to hear it. Ready to get to work on yourself and your own relationship?❤️ Work With ChadInstagram | @chadonlove❤️ Work with AprilInstagram | @aprilbenincosa Follow or Contact Safe to Love:Email | admin@safetolove.orgWebsite | safetolove.org YouTube | @SafetoLoveShow Facebook | Safe-to-Love Instagram | @safetoloveshow TikTok | @safetoloveshow
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    50 mins
  • How Human Design Helped Us Stop Taking Each Other's Feelings Personally | Natalie Peace | EP210

    How Human Design Helped Us Stop Taking Each Other's Feelings Personally | Natalie Peace | EP210
    Jun 15 2026
    Send us Fan MailIn this episode, Chad and April sit down with human design coach Natalie Pearce, the same coach who helped them navigate a pivotal turning point in their own relationship. Natalie breaks down what human design actually is, why it's less a belief system and more an invitation to experiment, and how understanding your own wiring (and your partner's) can completely change the way you show up for each other. Then things get personal: Natalie pulls up Chad and April's actual charts live, on camera, and walks through the real differences driving some of their most repeated dynamics, from busyness and pressure to communication styles and self-worth. If you've ever felt like your partner just doesn't get you, or wondered why the same argument keeps resurfacing in a slightly different form, this episode offers a new lens, and a lot of relief. In this interview, you'll learn: • What human design is and why it's best approached as an experiment, not a belief system• Why an emotional partner asking a non-emotional partner to "meet them emotionally" almost never works, and what to do instead• How to tell the difference between your true nature (self) and the conditioning you've absorbed from others (not self)• Why waiting 24 hours (or even 7 days) before responding to a big emotional decision can change everything• How couples who feel like they're "speaking different languages" can finally understand why• Why explaining your nature to your partner isn't making excuses, it's making room for understanding• How undefined energy centers cause you to amplify other people's emotions, stress, or mental noise as if it were your own• Why some people are wired to be naturally busy and energized by it, while others burn out trying to keep up• What it means to have a defined heart center versus an undefined one, and how that shapes self-worth in a relationship• Why opposites attract in relationships, and what it takes to make that dynamic work long term instead of losing yourself in it• How to recognize when you're trying to prove yourself to your partner, and why that pattern often goes unnoticed• What it looks like to take radical accountability for your nature instead of using it as an excuse You are allowed to choose yourself. You are allowed to stop playing small. The life you are grieving may be the very thing making room for the one you actually belong in. With Love and Safety,Chad & April ❤️ What We Discuss: 0:00 — Why an emotional person can never get what they need from a non-emotional partner0:25 — Welcome to Safe to Love | Introducing Natalie Pearce and human design1:25 — What human design actually is (and the mystical origin story behind it)2:31 — The four basic human design types, explained simply6:33 — How often couples actually bring human design into their relationship work7:18 — Is there a human design version of "these signs shouldn't date"?9:02 — Why human design is an invitation to experiment, not a religion10:14 — The biggest shift Natalie made once she started living by her own design11:39 — Self vs. not self: the framework that changes how you see your own reactions16:10 — The man who stared at the exit sign at his own wedding17:08 — How Natalie actually works with couples, not by telling them who to be20:14 — Why the emotional person's needs feel unmet, and why that's not their partner's fault23:37 — "It's not an excuse, it's an explanation": reframing nature instead of blaming it28:07 — Why the undefined partner feels the emotional wave even stronger than the emotional one29:14 — Chad's undefined head and mind: why his thoughts feel so loud, and why most of it isn't even his35:23 — Natalie reads Chad and April's charts live for the first time38:17 — April's struggle channel and why Chad can never fully "fix" it39:31 — Defined root vs. undefined root: who actually owns the stress in the room43:42 — The channel of busyness and charisma: why Chad can't stop filling his calendar50:00 — Defined throat vs. undefined throat: why April's voice changes depending on who's in the room53:29 — Defined heart vs. undefined heart: where self-worth actually comes from1:01:56 — Learning to tell the difference between your own voice and someone else's inside your head1:04:41 — Role models explained: April the Opportunist and Chad the Hermit1:13:15 — Natalie's services, where to find her, and her grief support work1:16:16 — Final advice: stop buying your own bullshit Follow Natalie on FB and IG @newnormal.bydesign Email: peaceofmindcoach@startmail.com Phone: 801-726-4619 Website Support the show🔔 Subscribe for more great content and share this with someone who needs to hear it. Ready to get to work on yourself and your own relationship?❤️ Work With ChadInstagram | @chadonlove❤️ ...
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    1 hr and 17 mins
  • Why the Conversation You Keep Avoiding Is the One You Need Most | April Benincosa | EP209

    Why the Conversation You Keep Avoiding Is the One You Need Most | April Benincosa | EP209
    Jun 8 2026
    Send us Fan MailApril thought a marriage with no fighting was the goal. What she discovered was that the silence wasn't peace. It was two people slowly disappearing from each other.In this raw and deeply personal episode, Chad sits down with his partner April Benincosa to explore why avoiding hard conversations is the single fastest way to kill intimacy, and what finally happens when you stop running from them. They get honest about childhood nervous system programming, the performance of a "perfect" relationship, what it means to create real space for truth, and how one dreaded conversation led to the most connected night they'd had in months.This is not a conversation about conflict. It is a conversation about courage, and what becomes possible when two people finally decide to stop pretending.Did you know Safe to Love is also on YouTube?In this interview, you'll learn:1. Why the absence of conflict in a relationship is often a warning sign, not a green flag2. How the stories your brain tells during conflict are almost always worse than reality3. Why you have already been suffering long before the hard conversation actually happens4. How childhood nervous system wiring turns necessary conversations into felt threats5. What "creating space" actually means in practice and why rushed conversations almost always go wrong6. Why curiosity is impossible when your nervous system is in threat mode and what to do about it7. How performing a perfect relationship quietly replaces real intimacy with a shared mask8. Why the stakes feeling higher as a relationship deepens is normal and what to do with that9. What Tantra teaches about presence, authenticity, and why a real no makes a yes mean something10. How to know your own truth when you have spent years absorbing everyone else's11. Why conflict is often just intimacy that ran out of room and what that means for repairYou are allowed to choose yourself. You are allowed to stop playing small. The life you are grieving may be the very thing making room for the one you actually belong in.With Love and Safety,Chad & April ❤️What We Discuss:0:00 — The story your brain tells you during conflict (and why it's almost never true)0:34 — Welcome to Safe to Love | Introducing April Benincosa2:05 — The post that started it all: not having hard conversations kills intimacy2:52 — The conversation April had been rehearsing alone for weeks4:08 — Why avoidance hurts more than the conversation ever does4:39 — Creating space: why tired, rushed, and empty-cup conversations go wrong6:53 — What spaciousness actually means and why the feminine needs it to flourish8:06 — Spiritual bypassing, wanting joy without doing the dishes8:30 — April's childhood nervous system: explosive mom, absent dad, and a freeze response still unwinding10:12 — How quality time gets hijacked by task mode and what that costs a relationship12:03 — Creativity, curiosity, and the drain that happens when life gets full13:54 — Why safety is a prerequisite for curiosity in relationships15:21 — The stories we tell about our relationship when conflict arrives17:16 — Why the stories we avoid speaking out loud keep us suffering alone20:21 — Why hard conversations get harder as the relationship deepens23:34 — The irony of performing your best self upfront and what it costs later26:00 — Where April learned to perform29:09 — A 15-year marriage, a decade of wanting to leave, and the success the mask made possible30:43 — Two people performing a power couple and the quiet loneliness inside it31:55 — What April discovered when she was asked about her needs for the first time33:19 — Falling back into old patterns under stress and what it means to rebuild from an embodied place36:00 — What Tantra teaches about presence, realness, and why a no makes a yes sacred38:20 — Sexual intimacy, the female orgasm, and why presence is the only path there40:28 — If you don't have a no, your yes doesn't mean anything41:33 — Is it harder to share your truth or hear your partner's?45:03 — Spaciousness for yourself: knowing your own truth before you can speak it46:24 — April's closing message: have the hard conversations. They are never as bad as you made them.Support the show🔔 Subscribe for more great content and share this with someone who needs to hear it. Ready to get to work on yourself and your own relationship?❤️ Work With ChadInstagram | @chadonlove❤️ Work with AprilInstagram | @aprilbenincosa Follow or Contact Safe to Love:Email | admin@safetolove.orgWebsite | safetolove.org YouTube | @SafetoLoveShow Facebook | Safe-to-Love Instagram | @safetoloveshow TikTok | @safetoloveshow
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    47 mins
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