RESOURCES: Quick Start Guide - www.leslievernick.com/start Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Leslie sits down with Assistant District Attorney and Adjunct Professor, Molly Catherine Goodson to explore the intersection of faith, justice, and abuse. Molly Catherine shares personal journey and professional insights, discussing how her faith sustains her in this high-stakes role. She provides practical advice for victims of abuse, highlights the church's role in supporting and protecting them, and emphasizes the importance of empowering women within the church community. Note: Molly Catherine is not representing the state of North Carolina in this episode.

• Balancing a High-Stress Job and Personal Faith: Molly Catherine discusses how her faith helps her manage the stress and high stakes of her career, sharing the importance of worship music and the powerful prayer from her pastor that helps her stay grounded.

• Maintaining Faith Amidst Evil: Leslie and Molly Catherine explore the challenge of maintaining faith in God's goodness despite witnessing daily evils, emphasizing the importance of viewing circumstances through the lens of God's character.

• Biblical vs. Legal Justice: A discussion on the differences between biblical justice and legal justice, explaining that while Jesus takes on our sins, earthly actions still have consequences.

• Forgiveness and Consequences: Addressing common misconceptions in churches that forgiveness erases consequences, stressing that actions have consequences and forgiveness does not negate the need for justice.

• Empowering Women: Encouraging women to learn essential life skills to become less dependent on their abusers, highlighting the empowering effect of managing finances, household tasks, and other responsibilities.

• Church Support for Victims: Practical ways churches can support victims of abuse, such as knowing local resources, helping with logistics, and offering emotional support. Emphasizing the church's role in ensuring the safety and well-being of individuals over maintaining relationships at all costs.

• Hope and Redemption: Molly Catherine shares a hopeful story of a victim of sexual abuse within a church community and how proper support and handling of the case led to justice and healing.

RESOURCES:

Leslie's Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start

If you'd like to ask a question for a future "Ask Leslie" episode, go to www.leslievernick.com/askleslie Questions in this episode:

• Doesn’t there have to be infidelity, domestic violence or abandonment as a reason for divorce?

• 8:51 What does it mean to detach and can I detach from my husband who shows contempt for me and dismisses my feelings and needs
• 23:56 How is empathy different from people pleasing?
• 27:47 What is a narcissist and how do we appropriately use this term?
• 37:33 What does chronic indifference look like in a relationship?

RESOURCES: www.leslievernick.com

Quick Start Guide

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

1. Marital Challenges:

   • Rachel describes her passiveness in her marriage, emphasizing the tension between maintaining peace at home and the public persona she had to project.
   • She recounts instances of emotional and verbal abuse from her husband, including public humiliations and controlling behaviors.

2. Custody Battle and Legal Struggles:

   • Rachel talks about the difficult decisions she had to make regarding her children’s well-being and her work-life balance.
   • She details her harrowing experiences with the legal system during her divorce and custody battle, highlighting the allegations and the temporary loss of contact with her children.

3. Health and Recovery:

   • Rachel discusses the impact of stress on her health, leading to hospital visits and a brief institutionalization.
   • She shares her journey towards healing, emphasizing the role of her faith and community support in overcoming her challenges.

4. Empowerment and Advice:

   • Rachel reflects on the lessons learned from her struggles, discussing the importance of recognizing one's worth and the potential dangers of staying in destructive relationships.
   • She offers advice to listeners who might be in similar situations, encouraging them to seek help and prioritize their safety and mental health.

5. New Beginnings and Continued Challenges:

   • Rachel discusses the ongoing challenges of co-parenting with an abusive ex-partner and the strategies she employs to maintain stability for her children.
   • She explores the emotional impact of her journey on her relationship with her children.

6. Spiritual Growth and Personal Insights:

   • Rachel shares how her understanding of biblical teachings on marriage and divorce evolved, highlighting how new interpretations helped her find freedom from oppression.
   • She discusses the role of her faith community and resources like the Conquer program in providing support and validation during her recovery.

RESOURCES:

• Dr. Alison Cook
• I Shouldn't Feel This Way
• "The Best of You" Podcast
• Lesllie's Quick Start Guide

I. Story: Understanding Emotional Triggers A. Example of anger towards adult child B. Framing emotions: Is it about the other person, oneself, God, or circumstances? C. Importance of recognizing the source of emotions

II. Three Practices for Emotional Health A. Naming Emotions 1. Recognizing and labeling feelings without judgment 2. Importance of self-awareness and emotional vocabulary

B. Framing Emotions 1. Understanding the context and underlying causes of emotions 2. Examining personal responsibility and perspective

C. Braving Action 1. Taking intentional steps based on emotional understanding 2. Balancing discernment and action in response to emotions

III. Selfhood and Agency in Relationships A. Acknowledging personal needs and boundaries B. Exploring societal and Christian expectations for women C. Embracing selfhood as essential for healthy relationships

IV. Recognizing Self-Gaslighting A. Identifying invalidation of personal experiences B. Cultivating self-trust and authenticity C. Partnering with God's discernment in navigating emotions

V. Benefits for Spiritual and Psychological Growth A. Integration of faith and psychology in emotional healing B. Understanding the role of emotions and the body in spiritual life C. Tools for self-compassion and emotional resilience

This episode delves into practical strategies for emotional discernment, emphasizing self-awareness, framing emotions, and taking intentional action. It highlights the importance of embracing selfhood and offers tools for self-compassion and growth, regardless of one's spiritual beliefs.

RESOURCES www.leslievernick.com Suicide and crisis hotline: 988

• Challenges in Recognizing Unsafe Relationships

  • Dismissing Own Feelings and Needs
  • Fear of Confronting Truth About Relationship Dynamics

• Addressing Misguided Advice

  • Forgiveness and Forgetting
    • Importance of Remembering Past Actions for Setting Boundaries
    • Illustration: Story of the Songwriter Behind "Amazing Grace"
    • Understanding Need for Repentance and Growth
  • Maintenance vs. Repair Work in Relationships
    • Analogy: House Maintenance and Repair
    • Necessity of Addressing Trust and Safety Issues Before Other Issues
    • Recognizing Difference Between Maintenance Tasks and Repair Work

• Understanding Individual Capacity and Emotional Management

  • Importance of Self-Awareness in Managing Emotions
  • Recognizing Emotional Capacity and Limitations
  • Analogies: Understanding Emotional Capacity Through Everyday Examples

• Taking Ownership of Personal Growth

  • Individual Responsibility for Personal Development
  • Importance of Prioritizing Self-Care and Emotional Well-Being
  • Recognizing When Individual Work is Necessary Before Addressing Relationship Issues

• Seeking Help and Support

  • Encouragement to Seek Professional Guidance and Support
  • Highlighting Available Resources for Personal Growth and Relationship Support
  • Empowerment to Prioritize Personal Growth and Safety in Relationships

Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Self-Care

1. Introduction to Boundaries

• Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships and self-respect.
• Understanding the importance of boundaries in various aspects of life.

2. Recognizing Boundary Violations

• Signs of boundary violations include feeling drained, disrespected, or overwhelmed.
• Identifying situations where boundaries are being crossed and acknowledging the need for change.

3. Establishing Boundaries

• The importance of clear communication when setting boundaries.
• Examples of effective boundary-setting phrases

4. Dealing with Criticism

• Addressing criticism that may arise when implementing boundaries.
• Seeking support from understanding individuals who respect your journey.

5. Respecting Yourself

• Embracing self-respect and understanding that boundaries are not selfish but necessary for personal growth.
• Recognizing and valuing your uniqueness and individual needs.

6. Knowing Yourself

• The importance of self-awareness in establishing and maintaining boundaries.
• Understanding your preferences, limitations, and values to make informed decisions.

RESOURCES: Find Joel Muddamalle's books and more at: www.muddamalle.com Find Leslie's books, programs, and more at: www.leslievernick.com Find Lysa Terkeurst and the Therapy and Theology podcast: www.lysaterkeurst.com/therapy-and-theology I. Introduction: Setting the Stage

• Acknowledging the complexity and sensitivity surrounding the issue of divorce and the Bible

II. Interpreting Malachi 2:16

• Analysis of the New King James Version's interpretation of Malachi 2:16
• Emphasis on the importance of understanding cultural context and nuances in translation
• Addressing misconceptions and criticism regarding biblical interpretation

III. Unpacking the Statement "God Hates Divorce"

• Clarification of the implications of a unilateral statement from God
• Discussion on the potential impact on individuals experiencing divorce
• Emphasis on the need for a nuanced understanding of biblical teachings

IV. Marriage, Divorce, and Biblical Context

• Examination of Exodus 21 and implications for marriage and divorce
• Discussion on the complexity of marital relationships and divine understanding
• Exploration of the New Testament teachings on divorce, particularly Jesus' response to the Pharisees

V. Understanding the Cultural and Historical Context

• Insights into the debate between the Hillel and Shammai camps regarding divorce
• Analysis of Jesus' response to the Pharisees and its cultural implications
• Consideration of Paul's teachings on divorce and remarriage

VI. Pastoral and Ethical Implications

• Reflection on the pastoral responsibilities in addressing divorce and marriage issues
• Advocacy for seeking specialized help and guidance in dealing with complex marital situations
• Emphasis on the importance of theological honesty and discernment in interpreting scripture

VII. Encouragement and Final Words

• Affirmation of God's love and care for individuals, particularly women
• Encouragement to uphold one's dignity and worth as children of God
• Call to discernment, prayer, and reliance on the Holy Spirit in understanding biblical truths.

In this deeply personal episode, Elizabeth courageously shares her journey of facing the reality of her marriage and finding the strength to pursue freedom and healing. Here's a comprehensive overview of her story: RESOURCES: JOIN CONQUER: www.leslievernick.com/join

• Leslie's website: www.leslievernick.com
• Darby Strickland: www.darbystrickland.com Lysa Terkeurst: www.lysaterkeurst.com Episode with Jeremy Pierre & Greg Wilson: https://www.podbean.com/pu/pbblog-g8pj3-b3457b
• "When Home Hurts: A Guide for Responding Wisely to Domestic Abuse in Your Church," by Greg Wilson and Jeremy Pierre
• Peaceworks Live 2024
• Quick Start Guide

Early Signs of Trouble:

• Elizabeth describes the early signs of trouble in her marriage, including controlling behavior and emotional manipulation from her husband.
• Despite her efforts to maintain peace, she grappled with feelings of rejection and struggled to assert her own autonomy.

Escalation and Confrontation:

• The situation escalated as Elizabeth's husband exerted more control over major decisions in the family, leading to confrontations and emotional turmoil.
• Elizabeth recounts instances where she stood up for herself, challenging her husband's authority and facing his disapproval.

Coping Mechanisms and Inner Conflict:

• Elizabeth shares her internal struggle between wanting to honor her husband and feeling suffocated by his control.
• She alternated between coping with strength and exploding with anger, grappling with feelings of guilt and grief afterward.

Awakening to Unhealthy Dynamics:

• Through reading Leslie's book, "The Emotionally Destructive Marriage," Elizabeth began to recognize the unhealthy dynamics in her relationship.
• She realized that she had inadvertently made her husband the center of her life, prioritizing the marriage over addressing underlying issues.

Separation and Reconciliation Attempts:

• Elizabeth opens up about the difficult decision to separate from her husband and the subsequent attempts at reconciliation.
• Despite seeking counseling and church support, the marriage continued to deteriorate, leading Elizabeth to face the painful reality of divorce.

Finding Peace and Acceptance:

• Elizabeth reflects on her journey towards finding peace and acceptance amidst the shame and pain of divorce.
• She emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility for one's own behavior and finding grace and support from others.

Community and Support:

• Elizabeth highlights the profound impact of joining Conquer and the supportive community she found there.
• Through Conquer, she found a safe space to share her struggles, receive practical tools for growth, and form deep, lasting connections with other women.

Encouragement and Hope:

• Elizabeth encourages listeners to be honest with themselves about their own behavior and seek support and community as they navigate their own journeys.
• She finds hope in the midst of brokenness, recognizing the transformative power of God's love and the possibility of growth and healing.