Have you ever found yourself explaining your needs — again — to someone who just doesn't seem to care? Or quietly wondering, *Is something wrong with me for wanting to be seen?* If that question has lived in your chest for too long, this episode is for you.

In this warm, honest conversation, Leslie Vernick coaches Diana and Leanne sit down to tackle three of the most common — and most painful — questions they hear from women every day: Does lacking boundaries make me codependent? What's a healthy response when my needs are dismissed over and over? And where is the line between being responsible and over-functioning? You'll walk away with real clarity, practical language to use in hard moments, and the faith-rooted reminder that God never intended for you to erase yourself to keep the peace.

---

Key Takeaways

A Lack of Boundaries Is Often About Survival — Not a Character Flaw

Codependency isn't a label to shame yourself with — it's often a survival strategy that developed when you learned that love meant silence, sacrifice, and self-forgetting. As Coach Diana reminds us, many women were simply never taught that they were allowed to have needs. Mark 12:31 calls us to love others as we love ourselves — and that verse quietly assumes there is a self worth caring for. Boundaries aren't the opposite of love; they're how you love wisely without disappearing.

You Don't Have to Beg for What Love Gives Freely

When your needs are dismissed again and again, your body begins to believe a lie — that you don't matter. Coach Leanne shares honestly that chronic dismissal wears down the soul and scrambles the mind. The healthy response isn't to fight harder for recognition; it's to notice the pattern, name what's happening, and then limit your vulnerability with people who have shown they won't honor it. Psalm 34 reminds us that God is close to the brokenhearted — and you always have an audience with Him, even when others keep turning away.

Speak Up — Then Let It Be on Them

Coaches Diana and Leanne offer a powerful, practical framework: state your need clearly and honestly, make a note in your journal that you've said it, and then stop repeating yourself. You are not responsible for making someone understand what they are choosing not to hear. A simple, grounded statement — "I won't continue this conversation without mutual respect in the room" — is not drama. It is dignity. And once you've named it, the next step belongs to them.

The Difference Between Helping and Rescuing

Over-functioning crosses a line the moment you start doing for someone else what they are fully capable of doing for themselves — and it costs you something precious. As Coach Leanne puts it: *help empowers, rescuing enables.* If exhaustion, resentment, and fear have become your constant companions, that is your signal. Jesus is the Savior. You were never meant to fill that role — and sometimes stepping back is the most loving and courageous thing you can do, both for yourself and for the person you care about.

You Get to Steward This One Precious Life

One of the most beautiful threads woven through this entire conversation is this: you get to have a self. God doesn't ask you to be erased — He invites you to be grounded. Knowing who you are, what you value, and what you are and aren't responsible for is not selfishness. It is faithful stewardship of the life He gave you. When the fog of over-functioning and people-pleasing lifts, you make room to hear His voice again.

---

Personal Invitation

Friend, if self-doubt, perfectionism, comparison, or people-pleasing have been quietly running your life — this is your moment to take one brave step forward.

I want to personally invite you to join us for Moving Beyond Insecurity Coaching Week — five days of practical teaching, live coaching, and biblical encouragement designed to help you stop living from insecurity and start walking with clarity, courage, and confidence in Christ. And it's only $17.

You don't have to keep shrinking back. Come take that one brave step with us:

https://leslievernick.com/insecurity

---

You are not too much. You are not asking for too much. And you are not alone in this.

God sees the quiet ache of being overlooked. He is close to the brokenhearted, and He is not asking you to disappear — He is inviting you to show up, rooted in who He says you are, with your voice intact and your dignity restored. Change is possible. Healing is possible. And with His guidance and a little courage, so is the life where your needs are not just tolerated — but honored.

We are so glad you're here.

Have you ever known the “right” way to communicate, but in the heat of conflict, those tools seem to disappear? In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Leslie sits down with psychologist, speaker, and author Dr. Kelly Flanagan to talk about what really happens inside of us when we get triggered—and how one small, sacred moment of choice can shift us from reactivity toward connection.

Together, Leslie and Kelly explore why communication often breaks down within us before it breaks down between us, how to recognize when our hearts are closing, and why open-heartedness never means becoming a doormat. This conversation is especially meaningful for women navigating destructive, painful, or confusing relationships who want to grow in wisdom, courage, and Christlike strength without abandoning themselves.

1. Communication Breaks Down Inside Us First

Dr. Flanagan explains that many people already have communication skills, but when they feel threatened, hurt, or misunderstood, they “close the toolbox” right when they need it most. The real work is not just learning better words—it is learning to notice what is happening inside our bodies, hearts, and nervous systems when we become triggered.

That moment of awareness creates a pause. And in that pause, we begin to recover our God-given agency to choose a different response.

1. You Can Notice When Your Heart Starts to Close

Kelly describes a triggered moment as a process: the nervous system activates, the heart begins to shift into protection mode, and then we make a quick, often unconscious choice about whether to close down or stay open.

Leslie connects this with the biblical wisdom of Proverbs: “Above all else, guard your heart.” Guarding your heart does not mean hardening it. It means learning when to pause, when to regulate, and when to make wise choices about what you allow in and what you release.

1. Open-Heartedness Does Not Mean Weak Boundaries

One of the most powerful parts of this conversation is the distinction between an open heart and a lack of boundaries. Dr. Flanagan reminds listeners that the condition of your heart is an inner posture, while boundaries are outer actions.

An open heart does not make your boundaries weaker—it makes them wiser. For women in destructive or emotionally unsafe relationships, this is crucial. Christlike love does not require self-abandonment, enabling, or pretending harm is not happening.

1. Calm Yourself Before You Try to Connect

Conflict escalates when we try to calm ourselves by controlling someone else’s behavior. Kelly uses the illustration of a furnace: when the “control board” inside us is malfunctioning, we often try to change the weather outside instead of tending to what is happening inside.

Before we can connect well, we must first regulate. That may mean taking a break, breathing, praying, going to another room, or simply saying, “I’m triggered right now, and I need a little time before I can respond well.”

1. Your Growth Is Never Wasted

Leslie and Kelly offer hope for the woman who has tried everything to get her husband to communicate better, become safer, or look at himself honestly. While you cannot control another person’s choices, you can still do your own work.

Even if the relationship does not heal the way you hoped, God does not waste your growth. As you become more whole, wise, and grounded, you are better equipped to make faithful, courageous decisions about what comes next.

Dr. Kelly Flanagan is offering listeners a free video tutorial that walks through the nine-step process from his book, The Road Less Triggered, helping you begin moving from reactivity toward connection.

To receive the resource, email: drkellybonus@gmail.com

You will also be temporarily subscribed to his online community, The Less Triggered Tribe, with the option to unsubscribe at any time.

Friend, being triggered does not mean you are failing. It means something inside of you is asking for care, attention, and wisdom.

You do not have to stay stuck in reactivity, fear, silence, or blame. With God’s help, you can learn to pause, regulate, speak truth, set wise boundaries, and grow into a more whole version of yourself. You are not alone, and even in painful relationships, your healing and growth still matter.