When was the last time you asked yourself what you actually want?

For many women, menopause is the first time that question becomes impossible to ignore. The body is changing. Desire is shifting. And relationships that have been running on autopilot for years are suddenly asking to be looked at more honestly.

In this episode, Gabriela sits down with Sari Cooper, AASECT-certified sex therapist and founder of the Center for Love and Sex in New York City, for one of the most expansive and shame-free conversations this show has ever had. Sari explains why menopause is often the elephant in the therapy room, why low desire is almost never just hormonal, and how the concept she calls sex esteem — knowing what you want, owning it, and communicating it with confidence — changes everything for women in midlife.

They go places this podcast has not gone before. Consensual non-monogamy. Gray divorce. The erotic mind. Infidelity and what comes after. And throughout all of it, the invitation is the same: approach your sexuality and yourself with more curiosity and less judgment.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Sari Cooper is an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist & Supervisor and Founder and Director of the Center for Love and Sex (CLS), a boutique group practice specializing in sex therapy, couples counseling and individual clients challenged with erotic and sexual disorders. She created Sex Esteem, LLC to provide coaching, books, blogs and Talks to the public on critical cutting-edge insight on how to center one’s sexual pleasure in dating, ‘relationshipping’ and mating.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why menopause is still the elephant in the therapy room and what it will take to change that
• How to tell a partner what is changing in your body in a way they can actually understand
• Why low desire is almost never just hormonal and what the full picture actually looks like
• What sex esteem is and the three things it requires: consciousness, confidence, and communication
• Why taking penetration off the table can actually be the most liberating thing a couple does together
• What consensual non-monogamy looks like in practice and when couples start considering it
• Why gray divorce is so often initiated by women and what menopause has to do with it

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

Sari ends with something I want every woman in this community to carry with her. Sexual and erotic agency begins with yourself. Give yourself permission to slow down, check in, and locate where it is that you feel pleasure, desire, or even just interest or curiosity. Start from there.

Before we can ask someone else to understand us, we first have to understand ourselves. That is what sex esteem is really about. And this episode is a beautiful place to begin.

If this episode resonated, subscribe to Pleasure in the Pause and share it with someone who needs this conversation. And if someone came to mind while you were listening, that is your sign to send it to them.

Resources mentioned:
Sari Cooper: centerforloveandsex.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/-sari-cooper-center-for-love-and-sex/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/saricooperofficial/

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

You know the feeling. You have been going since morning — emails, deadlines, the relentless doing. Your nervous system has been in full output mode for hours. And then evening comes, your partner moves in close wanting to connect, and your body just shuts down. Not because you don't love them. Simply because you have nothing left to give.

If you have ever thought "I want to want, I just can't get there from here" — this episode is for you.

In this solo episode, Gabriella introduces one of the most powerful and underused concepts in relationship science: co-regulation. Rooted in polyvagal theory and the science of connection, co-regulation is what happens when two nervous systems help each other find their way back to safety, warmth, and presence. It is not about sex. It is not about performance. It is about the small, intentional acts of connection that happen all day long — and that make intimacy feel possible again by the time evening comes.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• What co-regulation is and why our nervous systems are never operating in isolation
• The difference between co-regulation and codependency — and why leaning into your partner is biology, not weakness
• Emotional intimacy and emotional attunement — what they are and what they feel like in the body
• How the window of regulation connects to intimacy and why connection is genuinely out of reach when we are outside it
• Five practical ways to kindle connection with your partner without pressure, expectation, or any destination in mind
• Why pleasure does not begin with desire — it begins with safety

Co-regulation does not require a perfect relationship or a perfect moment. It requires willingness. And the understanding that connection is not something that happens to you. It is something you and your partner create in the smallest, most ordinary moments all day long.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

Resources mentioned:

Free Embodiment Tune-In Audio → Download Here

Ep 107 — From Survival Mode to Self-Connection

Ep 91 — Colette Jane Feehr and The Cost of Quiet

Book: The Nervous System Reset by Jessica McGuire

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Most women step into perimenopause the same way Gabriela did — in the dark, without language, without a roadmap, and without anyone telling them what was actually happening in their bodies. The anxiety, the brain fog, the rage, the fatigue, the loss of libido — they could feel it all, but they could not make sense of it. Dr. Mariza Snyder felt the same way. Even after 17 years of clinical experience supporting women through this transition.

In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, Gabriela sits down with Dr. Mariza Snyder for one of the most layered and honest conversations this show has ever had. This is a deeply intergenerational conversation and together they bridge that gap and pass the wisdom forward.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Dr. Mariza Snyder is a powerhouse advocate for midlife women, leveraging 17+ years as a practitioner, author, and speaker to spark a massive movement for women in perimenopause and beyond. With her top-rated Energized with Dr. Mariza podcast, she’s a trusted guide, offering science-backed solutions for perimenopause and metabolic health. Her new book, The Perimenopause Revolution, is the ultimate resource for women ready to take charge of their health and embrace perimenopause with resilience and confidence. Check out her website, drmariza.com, for solutions to thrive.

In this episode, we discuss:

• The often-overlooked connection between hormones and the nervous system
• How to distinguish what's hormonal from what may be years of accumulated stress and over-functioning
• The role of rage as a messenger rather than something to suppress
• The practical tools women can use to move through this transition with greater resilience

You are not going to be the same woman on the other side of this transition. That is not a warning. That is a promise. Perimenopause is equally as destabilizing as it is transformative — and the more you understand what your body is doing and why, the more you can move through it with clarity, compassion, and a sense of what is actually possible on the other side.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH DR. MARIZA SNYDER:

FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/drmarizasnyder/

Insta: https://instagram.com/drmariza/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/drmarizasnyder

LINKS MENTIONED:

Episode 107 — From Survival Mode to Self-Connection https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/blog/nervous-system-reset-for-midlife-women

Episode 106 — The Menopause Gut with Cynthia Thurlow https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/blog/midlife-sobriety-and-returning-to-yourself-with-ashley-kelsch

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

What if the question is not why can't I quit, but what is this doing for me?

In this installment of the Return to Her series, Gabriela sits down with Ashley Kelsch, writer, coach, and somatic practitioner who helps midlife women change their relationship with alcohol and reconnect with themselves. Ashley spent a decade running a sexual wellness shop in Austin, where women quietly confided things in dressing rooms they were not sharing with anyone else — and underneath it all was the same thread. Disconnection from their bodies, their desires, and their needs, often soothed with a glass of wine.

This conversation explores what women are really reaching for when they pour that glass, why alcohol can feel like relief, confidence, freedom, and connection, and what happens when we discover those things were never in the wine to begin with. They talk about the difference between being uninhibited and truly inhabited, why midlife often feels like a crisis when it is actually an awakening, and why women's sexual pleasure is their birthright, not something to wait for or outsource.

This conversation is not really about alcohol. It is about what happens when a woman stops outsourcing her aliveness and starts coming home to herself.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Ashley Kelsch is a writer, coach, and somatic practitioner who helps midlife women change their relationship with alcohol and reconnect with their bodies, desire, and aliveness. After a decade running a sexual wellness retail space in Austin, Texas, she became a life coach focused on dating, sex, and relationships before discovering the common thread connecting so many of the women she worked with — gray area drinking as a way of outsourcing relief, confidence, and connection. She has been alcohol-free for over four years and recently was accepted into the Somatic Experiencing Institute to deepen her trauma-informed work.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why Ashley believes women don't have a drinking problem, they have an aliveness problem
• What women are really looking for when they pour that glass of wine — and why it is an exhale, not the wine itself
• The four-part framework: reveal, reclaim, rewire, rebuild
• The difference between being uninhibited and being inhabited
• Why alcohol affects women's bodies differently in midlife as hormones decline
• Why pleasure and sensuality are self-care, and why a glass of wine is not
• One simple practice — pause before you pour — to start reconnecting with what you actually need

Sobriety is not really about stopping. It is about what you find when you do. Ashley's story is a reminder that so many of the things we reach for outside ourselves — wine, distraction, escape — are often pointing us toward something we have been taught to disconnect from. The work is not abstinence. The work is coming home.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH ASHLEY KELSCH:

Website

Instagram

Substack

LINKS MENTIONED:

Episode 107 — From Survival Mode to Self-Connection

CONNECT WITH GABRIELLA ESPINOSA:

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Have you ever lain awake at 3am, heart racing, mind running through a list of worries you cannot seem to turn off? Or maybe it is the opposite — you move through your days flat, numb, going through the motions of a life that looks perfectly fine from the outside while feeling strangely absent from it on the inside.

Both of those states have a name. And neither of them is a personal failing.

In this solo episode, Gabriela shares one of the most foundational concepts in nervous system work — the window of regulation — and explains why understanding it as a map of your biology rather than just your emotions changes everything. Drawing on her recent immersion at the Omega Institute with nervous system educator Jessica McGuire, and weaving in her own deeply personal story of survival mode, perimenopause, and coming home to herself, Gabriela walks you through what dysregulation actually looks like in midlife, why it so often gets mistaken for a character flaw, and two simple practices to begin returning to your window right now.

This is not just an episode to listen to. It is one to feel.

Highlights from our discussion include

• What the window of regulation is and why it is a map of your biology, not just your emotions
• What hyperarousal looks like in midlife women — including the version that looks like overachieving and perfectionism
• What hypoarousal looks like — the flat, numb, going-through-the-motions version so many women recognize
• Why stress followed by genuine recovery builds resilience, and why overriding your own limits destroys it
• How adverse childhood experiences connect to a more difficult perimenopause transition
• Two guided practices — exteroception and containment — to return to regulation right now
• Why regulation is not a wellness trend but the foundation of sleep, desire, digestion, and connection

The window of regulation is not about becoming someone who never gets dysregulated. It is about building the capacity to return — more quickly, more gently, more reliably — to the place where life can actually be lived.

If you heard your own story somewhere in this episode, your nervous system is not broken. It is doing what it learned to do, sometimes a long time ago, in a body that is now changing. That is not a flaw. That is information. And information is where we begin.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

Links Mentioned:

The Nervous System Reset by Jessica McGuire Website

Ep 75

Ep 106 Cynthia Thurlow

Dr. Dan Siegel Website

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

What if the brain fog, the broken sleep, the mood swings, the weight that won't budge, and the libido that has gone missing are not a collection of separate problems? What if they are one connected story and the missing piece of that story is your gut?

In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, Gabriela sits down with Cynthia Thurlow, nurse practitioner, bestselling author, and host of the Everyday Wellness podcast, to explore her groundbreaking new book The Menopause Gut: Balance Your Microbiome to Reclaim Your Health in Midlife and Beyond. Cynthia has spent a decade working exclusively with midlife women, and what she keeps seeing is this: women doing all the right things and still not feeling like themselves. Her book offers a fascinating new lens through which to understand why, and what to do about it.

Cynthia Thurlow is a nurse practitioner, two-time TEDx speaker, international speaker, and CEO and founder of the Everyday Wellness Project. With over 25 years of experience in health and wellness, she is a globally recognized expert in perimenopause, menopause, intermittent fasting, and women's metabolic health. Her latest book The Menopause Gut: Balance Your Microbiome to Reclaim Your Health in Midlife and Beyond is available everywhere books are sold.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What the gut microbiome actually is and why it sits at the center of midlife health
• The estrobolome — the part of your gut that processes and eliminates estrogen — and why it matters on HRT
• How the gut and brain are connected through the vagus nerve and what that means for mood, anxiety, and desire
• Why 90% of serotonin is made in the gut and what that means for midlife mood swings
• How trauma history contributes to weight loss resistance and early menopause
• Practical starting points: protein, fiber, sleep rituals, strength training, and the power of saying no
• Why supporting your gut ripples out into energy, vitality, mood, and pleasure

My hope is that this episode helps you see your symptoms as one connected story — and gives you a clear, practical place to begin.

Cynthia says it simply: major in the majors. Before the supplements and the protocols and the testing, it is the basics — how you eat, how you sleep, how you manage stress, and how honestly you honor your own limits — that move the needle most. Your gut is not a separate system. It is the ecosystem everything else depends on.

If this episode resonated, subscribe to Pleasure in the Pause and share it with a woman in your life who has been doing all the right things and still not feeling like herself. And grab Cynthia's book — it is one of the most practical and comprehensive guides to midlife health I have come across.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH CYNTHIA THURLOW:

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Podcast

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CONNECT WITH GABRIELLA ESPINOSA:

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

When you hear the word erotic, what comes up for you?

For most of us it immediately conjures images of sex, the taboo, or something forbidden. But eroticism is so much bigger than that. At its core, the erotic is about aliveness. It is our capacity to feel present, connected, awake to beauty, pleasure, desire, creativity, and the experience of being fully in our bodies.

And it is something so many women lose touch with, especially in midlife, when stress, caregiving, hormonal shifts, and the relentless pace of everyday life leave us feeling disconnected from ourselves.

In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, Gabriela welcomes back somatic psychotherapist, sex therapist, and author Carly Mountain for one of the most expansive and thought-provoking conversations this show has ever had. Carly's new book, Untamed Pleasure: Unleash Your True Erotic Nature, is an invitation to examine the invisible cages that have domesticated our pleasure, and to find the keys that live inside us to open them.

Carly Mountain is a somatic psychotherapist, sex therapist, sacred space holder and author of Descent & Rising: Women’s Stories & the Embodiment of the Inanna Myth and Untamed Pleasure: Unleash Your True Erotic Nature. She is passionate about facilitating people to reconnect with their inherent erotic aliveness, power and pleasure. She lives in Sheffield, England with her husband and two daughters.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• What eros and eroticism actually mean and why they are so much bigger than sex
• The cages — cultural and personal — that domesticate women's pleasure and how to start finding the keys
• Why midlife may actually be the most erotic chapter of a woman's life
• How communication is the skeleton key that opens every single cage
• The six bodies framework and why giving the emotional body its own wisdom is so important for women
• Creative transgression as a pathway back to erotic aliveness and what that can look like in practice

When pleasure has gone quiet in your life, Carly says it is not a sign that something is over. It is a compass pointing you toward where you need to go next. The cages are real. And so are the keys. They have been inside you all along.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH CARLY MOUNTAIN:

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Ep 10: Carly Mountain

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.