When was the last time you asked yourself what you actually want?

For many women, menopause is the first time that question becomes impossible to ignore. The body is changing. Desire is shifting. And relationships that have been running on autopilot for years are suddenly asking to be looked at more honestly.

In this episode, Gabriela sits down with Sari Cooper, AASECT-certified sex therapist and founder of the Center for Love and Sex in New York City, for one of the most expansive and shame-free conversations this show has ever had. Sari explains why menopause is often the elephant in the therapy room, why low desire is almost never just hormonal, and how the concept she calls sex esteem — knowing what you want, owning it, and communicating it with confidence — changes everything for women in midlife.

They go places this podcast has not gone before. Consensual non-monogamy. Gray divorce. The erotic mind. Infidelity and what comes after. And throughout all of it, the invitation is the same: approach your sexuality and yourself with more curiosity and less judgment.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Sari Cooper is an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist & Supervisor and Founder and Director of the Center for Love and Sex (CLS), a boutique group practice specializing in sex therapy, couples counseling and individual clients challenged with erotic and sexual disorders. She created Sex Esteem, LLC to provide coaching, books, blogs and Talks to the public on critical cutting-edge insight on how to center one’s sexual pleasure in dating, ‘relationshipping’ and mating.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why menopause is still the elephant in the therapy room and what it will take to change that
• How to tell a partner what is changing in your body in a way they can actually understand
• Why low desire is almost never just hormonal and what the full picture actually looks like
• What sex esteem is and the three things it requires: consciousness, confidence, and communication
• Why taking penetration off the table can actually be the most liberating thing a couple does together
• What consensual non-monogamy looks like in practice and when couples start considering it
• Why gray divorce is so often initiated by women and what menopause has to do with it

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

Sari ends with something I want every woman in this community to carry with her. Sexual and erotic agency begins with yourself. Give yourself permission to slow down, check in, and locate where it is that you feel pleasure, desire, or even just interest or curiosity. Start from there.

Before we can ask someone else to understand us, we first have to understand ourselves. That is what sex esteem is really about. And this episode is a beautiful place to begin.

If this episode resonated, subscribe to Pleasure in the Pause and share it with someone who needs this conversation. And if someone came to mind while you were listening, that is your sign to send it to them.

Resources mentioned:
Sari Cooper: centerforloveandsex.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/-sari-cooper-center-for-love-and-sex/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/saricooperofficial/

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

You know the feeling. You have been going since morning — emails, deadlines, the relentless doing. Your nervous system has been in full output mode for hours. And then evening comes, your partner moves in close wanting to connect, and your body just shuts down. Not because you don't love them. Simply because you have nothing left to give.

If you have ever thought "I want to want, I just can't get there from here" — this episode is for you.

In this solo episode, Gabriella introduces one of the most powerful and underused concepts in relationship science: co-regulation. Rooted in polyvagal theory and the science of connection, co-regulation is what happens when two nervous systems help each other find their way back to safety, warmth, and presence. It is not about sex. It is not about performance. It is about the small, intentional acts of connection that happen all day long — and that make intimacy feel possible again by the time evening comes.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• What co-regulation is and why our nervous systems are never operating in isolation
• The difference between co-regulation and codependency — and why leaning into your partner is biology, not weakness
• Emotional intimacy and emotional attunement — what they are and what they feel like in the body
• How the window of regulation connects to intimacy and why connection is genuinely out of reach when we are outside it
• Five practical ways to kindle connection with your partner without pressure, expectation, or any destination in mind
• Why pleasure does not begin with desire — it begins with safety

Co-regulation does not require a perfect relationship or a perfect moment. It requires willingness. And the understanding that connection is not something that happens to you. It is something you and your partner create in the smallest, most ordinary moments all day long.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

Resources mentioned:

Free Embodiment Tune-In Audio → Download Here

Ep 107 — From Survival Mode to Self-Connection

Ep 91 — Colette Jane Feehr and The Cost of Quiet

Book: The Nervous System Reset by Jessica McGuire

CONNECT WITH GABRIELLA ESPINOSA:

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Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Most women step into perimenopause the same way Gabriela did — in the dark, without language, without a roadmap, and without anyone telling them what was actually happening in their bodies. The anxiety, the brain fog, the rage, the fatigue, the loss of libido — they could feel it all, but they could not make sense of it. Dr. Mariza Snyder felt the same way. Even after 17 years of clinical experience supporting women through this transition.

In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, Gabriela sits down with Dr. Mariza Snyder for one of the most layered and honest conversations this show has ever had. This is a deeply intergenerational conversation and together they bridge that gap and pass the wisdom forward.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Dr. Mariza Snyder is a powerhouse advocate for midlife women, leveraging 17+ years as a practitioner, author, and speaker to spark a massive movement for women in perimenopause and beyond. With her top-rated Energized with Dr. Mariza podcast, she’s a trusted guide, offering science-backed solutions for perimenopause and metabolic health. Her new book, The Perimenopause Revolution, is the ultimate resource for women ready to take charge of their health and embrace perimenopause with resilience and confidence. Check out her website, drmariza.com, for solutions to thrive.

In this episode, we discuss:

• The often-overlooked connection between hormones and the nervous system
• How to distinguish what's hormonal from what may be years of accumulated stress and over-functioning
• The role of rage as a messenger rather than something to suppress
• The practical tools women can use to move through this transition with greater resilience

You are not going to be the same woman on the other side of this transition. That is not a warning. That is a promise. Perimenopause is equally as destabilizing as it is transformative — and the more you understand what your body is doing and why, the more you can move through it with clarity, compassion, and a sense of what is actually possible on the other side.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH DR. MARIZA SNYDER:

FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/drmarizasnyder/

Insta: https://instagram.com/drmariza/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/drmarizasnyder

LINKS MENTIONED:

Episode 107 — From Survival Mode to Self-Connection https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/blog/nervous-system-reset-for-midlife-women

Episode 106 — The Menopause Gut with Cynthia Thurlow https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/blog/midlife-sobriety-and-returning-to-yourself-with-ashley-kelsch

CONNECT WITH GABRIELLA ESPINOSA:

Instagram

LinkedIn

Work with Gabriella!

Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.