“I had an awakening if you like. I've been out for many years but not really in the lesbian scene. And all of a sudden I was in a room full of queer women all having really nice chats and I felt like a kid in a candy shop. That was only four years ago. I was really proudly a lesbian at that point. And I then really wanted to own it. I wanted to say the word more.”

Embracing the term ‘lesbian’ has been an evolution with this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ and it’s a timely conversation with Lesbian Visibility Week just around the corner. And to be clear, she’s one of my best friends AND my favourite lesbian in the world!

Jayney Flatman (she/her) is a Global Operations Manager in the corporate travel industry - which she’s been in since the start of her career. She’s also one of the Co-Founders of The House of Happiness, London’s Ultimate Queer Sober Clubbing Extravaganza (alongside me) and up until last year, she headed up a community group for queer women & non-binary people. An understanding of inclusion is something Jayney feels is fairly new to how she shows up in the world but how she puts it into action has been shaped by so many of her experiences…

Little Jayney & her family moved around a lot. It’s a recurring theme in her life - and something we touch on in comparison to today. On the one hand, Little Jayney was a quiet & shy child whilst on the other, she was often the one leading a group & taking centre stage. “I’m very much a sea of contradictions” says Jayney, back then and again, now. She was convinced she’d either be famous… or be murdered. Which very much speaks to her dramatic flare!

School wasn’t pleasant for the most part and Jayney experienced a lot of bullying for being different. She would often run away & not fight back and very much felt like she didn’t belong. We explore the impact of this and why finding her voice & therapy have been game changers. As well as how discovering her love of a party & dancing have shaped her.

What makes this episode even more timely is that Jayney has just celebrated her 60th birthday so it provided the perfect opportunity for reflection AND celebration. She shares why she chose to throw a whole festival - brilliantly named JayneyFest - to mark the occasion, diving into self help books from her teens, how sobriety has changed her life, meeting her amazing girlfriend Jess and all things JOY!

Jayney chose the following three words to describe herself & her origin story: No Ordinary Girl. She really isn’t. And I can’t wait for you to hear this…

PLEASE NOTE: This episode contains mentions of bullying, domestic abuse & violence. Take care of yourself whilst listening.

“Through a lot of the experiences that I've had in life, I've hidden away and been quite private with the stuff I do. I would have never dreamed of speaking about myself in a public space before. But it's one of those things where I look at my career now and I'm starting to now understand that I've done a fair bit.”

And at 29 years old, Trenton Tomlinson (he/him), this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ recognised that there’s plenty of time to achieve so much more whilst allowing himself permission to get it wrong along the way.

Trenton is Label Operations Manager at UMG UK’s catalogue label, Universal Music Recordings (UMR), where he leads the day-to-day delivery of catalogue releases and creative campaigns. He has championed projects that bring historic music back into physical, digital and cultural circulation, including championing and leading on Black UK artist catalogues music from artists such as Ms. Dynamite, Unknown T &Linton Kwesi Johnson.

Little Trenton was a very inquisitive kid as well as being bold, sensitive & empathetic. He shares a brilliant anecdote about being in charge of the ‘Friendly Bus Stop’ at school where students could come if they felt lonely. It was a role he took seriously and he recalls how “I loved processes before I even knew what a process was.” Trenton grew up in Liverpool in a single parent household and shares how his mum ran the house ‘like a navy seal. They’re incredibly close today and whilst he acknowledges that hasn’t always been the case, with Trenton reflecting on how he wasn’t ‘an easy kid to understand’, the appreciation, love & respect he has for his mum is undeniable.

His career in music today isn’t quite what he had originally envisioned. Trenton was signed to a music label as a teenager and thought he was going to be ‘the next best thing’. It was a painful experience at the time that has shaped who & where he is now and we delve into the barriers & challenges in the music industry historically & today, where it’s improved and where there is still room for improvement.

Along with his passion for music, Trenton is deeply committed to equity & inclusion. He is Chair of UMG’s The Pride Network and serves on the UK City Of Culture 2029 advisory panel & BPI’s Equity & Justice Advisory Group, contributing to wider Diversity, Equity & Inclusion strategy.

We explore the trap of perfectionism, staying grounded, why it’s important to get involved and the unexpected joy of being an uncle.

I adore Trenton. He’s a brilliant human who always champions others - including myself. Listen in for a great chat!

“I didn't get a handbook when I transitioned like in the film Beetlejuice when they got ‘The Handbook for the Recently Deceased’. I didn't get ‘The Handbook for the Recently Transitioned’. I haven't got an instruction manual on how to be trans. I make mistakes but I'm allowed to do that because I'm learning.”

It's Trans Day of Visibility and I have the perfect guest to mark it.

She’s known for keeping it real, winged eye-liner look & cracking humour… and so much more! Adelle Barker (she/her) is an award-winning inspirational role model and nominated change maker. In her day-to-day professional role, Adele is a Team Leader at Sky and part of the LGBTQ+ Network. But her real CV lives in the messy, human spaces.

Growing up in Essex, Little Adelle was confused and dreamt of a world away from the one she lived in which she describes as a ‘boring, normal upbringing’. She was creative and studied film & media - and her creativity shines through today through her #IDontKnowHowToBeTrans series is ‘equal parts humour, heartbreak and humility. It tackles voice worries, dysphoria, over thinking, parenting, fear, joy and everything in between. It’s chaotic. It’s honest. It’s the stuff people whisper about but she says out loud.’ If you don’t already subscribe, you should do so via Substack.

Like many trans+ & queer folk who lacked representation, Adelle found herself in chat rooms with alter-ego accounts. As a teen, she started to grasp her feminine energy but coming out happened a lot later - as a whirlwind experience which we reflect on.

We talk about Adelle’s career from working on a meat counter & in retail through to her experiences as a Sky engineer & team leader having embraced her skills in management.

Parenting is a big topic too - we hear about Adelle’s big queer family setup, navigating raising kids as a trans parent and them being completely unbothered about her accolades! We also tackle the backwards notion of ‘protect the kids’ when it comes to trans identities.

Adelle gets serious when it comes to urging people to allow others to make mistakes, vulnerability & the importance of storytelling but there’s so many laughs in this episode too. We diss ‘live, laugh, love’, joke about Adelle’s love of nachos with chicken tikka on and there’s also a fair bit of chat about growing books.

As Adelle states, authenticity really is her superpower. Have a listen, it’s a goodun!

PLEASE NOTE | This conversation covers sensitive topics including mental health, coming out, the current landscape for Trans+ folk & more. Take care of yourself whilst listening