Dr. Eddie Capparucci and Tami explore the uncomfortable truths of emotional regulation, the importance of sitting with emotional discomfort, and realistic expectations for betrayal addicts and their partners to see improvements in their relationship. They then answer listener questions about emotional regulation techniques, timeframes, and the motivation behind seeking to be an emotionally regulated partner in a relationship.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:33] The hard truth of staying emotionally present.

[4:34] Roadblocks to developing emotional leadership.

[7:08] What emotional leadership isn't.

[10:29] What emotional leadership is.

[18:30] Your partner is seeking safety, not explanations.

[20:33] Dialogue for emotionally stable conversations.

[22:35] The role of healthy conflict in healing.

[28:19] "You are asking a lot of the betrayed partner."

[33:32] The person in pain and grief never gets to take a timeout from the nightmare. Why should their partner?

[35:17] Is this a slip or relapse?

[38:36] How can I better manage my emotions in the moment?

[40:20] How long should recovery work take?

[43:02] How can I correct after I become disregulated?

[45:43] How long will it take to feel confident and see results in my relationship?

[47:40] My partner ran away, how long should I give him to process?

[49:58] Body language recommendations.

[53:47] How do I know if emotional regulation techniques are working for me?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• "You cannot establish emotional leadership if you can't emotionally regulate yourself."

• "Emotional leadership is not about winning. It's about the way you handle emotional distress when things become uncomfortable."

• "Safety, not explanations, is what your partner's nervous system is seeking in order to regulate."

• "You can be factually correct and absent at the same time."

• "Demonstrating emotional leadership is not a one-time performance."

Dr. Skip Speer and Tami answer participant questions about missing a partner who has betrayed you, strategies for opening up in honest and helpful ways, timelines for dedicating time to recovery resources, and appropriate dialogue to have with family and friends during recovery.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:04] What is my role in holding the pain of my betraying partner?

[6:50] Seeking Integrity resources that are available to navigate unhealthy relationships.

[7:58] What treatment options are available to a narcissistic sex addict betrayer?

[13:24] How and when should we approach discussing our situation with family and friends?

[17:10] How can I open up as the betrayer and address the tough topics with my partner?

[23:37] Do I need to discuss being a 12-Step sponsor with my spouse?

[27:20] Is it normal to miss my betraying spouse?

[30:51] How can we navigate my partner's addictions with our children?

[36:15] Which support groups offer accountability instead of enablement.

[43:29] Can betrayed partners have traits of love addiction?

[44:31] How can I avoid getting pulled in to my sex addict partner's lies?

[50:02] How do I know when it's time to adjust the amount of time we spend on recovery resources?

[54:14] How can I possibly initiate sex after the years of my partner's betrayal?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• "If a person is willing to engage in therapy and get in and do the work, there is hope."

• "The more you focus on healing for you, the faster you will heal."

• "Things may be bad, but they will get so much worse if you keep holding onto it."

• "No addict changes unless the pain of changing is less than the pain of staying the same."

Dr. Skip Speer and Tami talk about doomscrolling and hopescrolling, the features of each, and how to tailor your algorithm to lift you up at every stage of recovery. They then answer participant questions about sex addiction, including narcissism, gaslighting, and therapist obligations as mandatory reporters.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:49] Doomscrolling versus hopescrolling – how to engage in what serves you.

[7:01] Using your phone to numb out? Try this instead.

[8:50] What is the difference between a CSAT and a regular therapist?

[13:25] Do we really need a couples therapist?

[20:24] The importance of accountability in therapy.

[26:57] Programs for sex addiction with narcissistic traits.

[37:25] The danger of denial in recovery.

[41:03] Dealing with a sex offender changes the recovery game.

[44:49] Key differences between narcissism and sociopathic behaviors.

[46:45] How can I financially separate myself from my betraying partner?

[50:05] My partner is looking at underage porn. Should I report him?

[54:33] Is the term 'gaslighting' used too loosely?

[56:30] What are the obligations of a mandatory reporter?

[58:30] What is the likelihood that underage porn addicts will ever ask for help if they know they will be reported?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• "It feels better to comfort than confront, but at the end of the day, recovering addicts need accountability."

• "In real recovery, we're looking for anything that is problematic or helping us escape in unhealthy ways."

• "You know what your partner is not willing to do. So what are you willing to do?"