Anxious–avoidant relationships are often described as doomed — intense, painful, and inherently incompatible. While these dynamics can certainly be challenging, they’re not automatically destined to fail.

In this episode, I explore what it actually takes to make an anxious–avoidant relationship work — not through chemistry, hope, or sheer effort, but through three essential, non-negotiable ingredients.

I share why these dynamics can become either deeply healing or deeply reinforcing of old wounds, and how safety, responsibility, and discernment determine which way it goes.

In this episode, I cover:

• Why anxious–avoidant relationships can feel both magnetic and destabilising
• The difference between understanding attachment styles and doing the relational work
• Why commitment is essential — and how “one foot out the door” undermines safety
• The role of humility in breaking defensive patterns and power struggles
• Why self-awareness isn’t enough without nervous system and relational capacity
• How to discern whether a relationship can actually support mutual growth and security

This episode is not about forcing a relationship to work at all costs. It’s about honestly assessing whether the conditions required for safety, repair, and growth are present — and whether both partners have the willingness and capacity to do the work.

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In this Ask Steph episode, I’m answering a listener question about infidelity and whether a fearful-avoidant partner can genuinely change.

Rather than asking whether change is possible in theory, this episode focuses on a more important question: how likely is real change, and what should you actually be paying attention to after betrayal?

In this episode, I explore:

• How someone takes responsibility for cheating, and whether their remorse goes beyond guilt or shame.
• Why understanding why the cheating happened matters more than promises alone.
• How fearful-avoidant patterns and unresolved shame can drive self-sabotage.
• What it takes to rebuild trust, including the capacity to stay present with your pain rather than rushing to move on.
• When repair after infidelity can lead to growth — and when the conditions for real repair may not be there.

If you’re navigating betrayal, I’m really sorry you’re going through that. I hope this episode helps you clarify what to look for and whether meaningful repair is possible.

Letting go of someone you love can feel like the hardest thing you’ll ever do — especially if you have anxious attachment patterns. When your nervous system equates connection with safety, walking away can feel more intolerable than staying in pain.

In this episode, I explore why letting go is so difficult, and what actually helps when love, attachment, and fear are all tangled together.

I talk about:

• Why anxious attachment makes holding on feel safer than letting go
• How we often confuse feelings with instructions for action
• Why waiting to “feel ready” or to stop loving someone keeps us stuck
• The crucial distinction between love and compatibility
• Why letting go isn’t a feeling — it’s a choice you make again and again
• How grief, discomfort, and longing are part of the process, not signs you’ve made a mistake

This episode is both a pep talk and a reality check — an invitation to trust yourself enough to choose what’s right for you, even when it hurts, and even when you still love them.

If you’re navigating a breakup or struggling to let go, be sure to check out my free breakup training: https://www.stephanierigg.com/break-up-webinar