What if the first person to reject you and the hardest one to recover from, was you?

Alice is joined by Selena Rezvani, Wall Street Journal bestselling author, leadership and confidence speaker, and creator of the viral newsletter that became the Quick Confidence and Quick Leadership series. This episode is a masterclass in overcoming the fear of rejection at work: Selena has half a million followers teaching self-advocacy, yet the rejection she keeps circling back to isn't from a publisher or an online hater. It's the self-rejection that began in a turbulent childhood, where she learned she could earn love by achieving quietly and never needing anything.

Selena's reframe: rejection from other people is a moment of contact, self-rejection is the quiet, corrosive one that whispers you're not worthy unless you're in "conquer mode." She traces how trauma-driven overachievement became perfectionism, guilt around rest, and showing up as "the diet soda version of yourself." Then she unpacks how to build confidence at work one rep at a time, naming her inner critic (hers is called Marjorie) and swapping "what if I fail?" for "I'm either going to win or I'm going to learn."

The sharp turn: success doesn't end rejection, it amplifies it. She's blunt that eight publisher rejections for one book turned out to be a gift, the idea was a "should," not a "want." Her antidote to the shame spiral is disarmingly simple: "share is a way to repair," because sunlight is the best disinfectant.

Whether you're dealing with rejection at work, rebuilding confidence after a setback, or weighing a career risk in a frozen job market, this is a candid, practical reframe of what rejection is really for.

In this episode they explore:

• How to overcome the fear of rejection — and why the first rejection often comes from yourself

• Trauma-driven overachievement: the survival strategy that later becomes the wound

• Why success and visibility amplify rejection instead of ending it

• The "diet soda version of yourself" — how fear makes you show up watered-down

• How to build confidence at work using rejection as exposure therapy

• The regret-minimization framework for deciding whether to take the risk

• How to quiet your inner critic and catch all-or-nothing self-talk

• Recovering from a bad review or a lower-than-usual score

• How to handle rejection as a leader — and why eight publisher rejections were a gift

• "Share is a way to repair" — how talking openly steals rejection's power

• Job hugging: taking career risks and negotiating in a tough job market

• "I'm either going to win or I'm going to learn"

Connect with Selena:

Website: selenarezvani.com

LinkedIn / Instagram / TikTok: @selenarezvani

Books: Quick Confidence and Quick Leadership

Chapters:

00:00 "The first rejection I remember came from me" — self-rejection

04:31 Trauma and overachievement at work

09:15 Confidence, self-advocacy, and self-leadership

11:29 Why success amplifies rejection

15:47 Fear of rejection at work — the "diet soda" self

21:34 "Write the book you wish existed"

29:00 Recovering from a bad review — the keynote that stung

35:56 Quieting your inner critic and black-and-white thinking

44:01 Eight publisher rejections — the gift

49:00 Job hugging and career risk in a tough market

53:59 "I'm either going to win or I'm going to learn"

What if saying "no worries" a thousand times was never politeness, but a survival strategy your brain built to dodge rejection?

Alice wants the answer to be yes: is people pleasing a sign of ADHD? First she reframes herself, not a people pleaser but a "recovering self-sacrificer." Pleasing from love is a gift. Pleasing because you're terrified of being a burden is something else. If you've ever wondered whether pleasing people is part of ADHD, this one's for you.

Alice's reframe: the science on ADHD and people pleasing is messier than the internet admits. People pleasing isn't in the ADHD criteria, and no study pins it directly on the condition, so "is people pleasing an ADHD trait?" doesn't have a clean yes. But ADHD is tied to a stack that can build a self-sacrificer: rejection sensitivity, emotional dysregulation, and masking.

The stack: a 2024 study links ADHD symptoms to higher rejection sensitivity. Dysregulation makes feelings hit harder and linger. Over 90% of ADHD adults mask, the ADHD masking and people pleasing overlap is real. Add thousands more negative comments before age ten, and appeasing looks less like a flaw than a rational way to limit the hits. For a lot of ADHD women especially, pleasing people becomes the default long before anyone names it.

Whether you're living adult ADHD and people pleasing, exploring the RSD and ADHD people pleasing link, or trying to understand someone who is, this is an honest, uncertain look at where the evidence stands, grain of salt included, therapist's blessing pending. Next week: how to stop pleasing people when you have ADHD.

In this episode Alice explores:

• Why "recovering self-sacrificer" is a truer label than "people pleaser"

• Is people pleasing related to ADHD — or something else entirely?

• Why the confident online take — "people pleasing is just ADHD" — outruns the science

• Rejection sensitivity, and the 2024 study linking it to ADHD symptoms

• RSD, ADHD and people pleasing — how rejection sensitive dysphoria feeds the cycle

• Emotional dysregulation — when feelings hit harder and take longer to settle

• ADHD masking and people pleasing: the study where 90%+ of ADHD adults hide themselves socially

• Why ADHD women and people pleasing so often go hand in hand

• How "yes, that's fine" becomes a survival mechanism when disapproval feels catastrophic

• ADHD and people pleasing in relationships — where the pattern shows up most

• The overlap with trauma-world "fawning" — and why some of this may be childhood, not ADHD

• Does ADHD cause people pleasing? Where the honest answer lands

• A tease for next week — how to stop people pleasing with ADHD

  
  

  Connect with Alice:

  Website: hustlingwriters.com

  Instagram: @alicedraper

  LinkedIn: Alice Draper

  Email: alice@hustlingwriters.com.

  
  

  Chapters:

  00:00 "I am a people pleaser — and it might be because I have ADHD"

  01:00 Why "recovering self-sacrificer" is the better term

  02:00 Pleasing from love vs. pleasing at your own expense

  03:00 The research deep dive — and a messier answer than expected

  04:00 Rejection sensitivity and the 2024 study

  05:00 Emotional dysregulation and masking (90%+ of ADHD adults)

  06:00 Stacking it up — when appeasing becomes survival

  07:00 RSD and 10,000 negative comments before age ten

  08:00 The fawning overlap — ADHD, or early childhood?

  09:00 Where this leaves us: a pattern, not a proven fact

  10:00 Next week's episode, and one ask for listeners

What if the kindest thing you can do for someone is reject them clearly, and the cruelest thing is to keep them hoping?

In this solo episode, recorded from a Poddster booth at the 1 Billion Followers Summit in the UAE, Alice makes the case that a clean "no" beats a soft maybe every time. She opens with the situationship hot and cold, days of silence, then something romantic and the research that ambiguity hurts more than a clear rejection. She calls it the Ellsberg paradox: we prefer known risks to uncertainty.

Her reframe, from client Kelli Thompson: "clarity is kindness, but clarity is difficult." Saying no hurts, but leaving someone to wonder is worse. As an entrepreneur of six years, she's grateful for the "it's not a fit" email. Rejection resilience is a muscle: start small on salespeople, reframe every no as self-respect and respect for the other person, and listen to your body before answering. She cites Gabor Maté's "When the Body Says No" on how yes-saying leads to burnout, then closes with her own housemate story how conflict avoidance eroded a friendship.

Whether you fade dates out or wait on replies that never come, this is a sharp reframe of why a clear no is the kinder gift.

In this episode Alice explores:

• The situationship and the Ellsberg paradox — why ambiguity hurts more than a clean rejection

• "Clarity is kindness, but clarity is difficult" — Kelli Thompson's framing

• Why the "sorry, it's not a fit" email is a gift, not a snub

• Building the rejection-resilience muscle by starting on salespeople and insurance cold-calls

• Practicing assertiveness with people who can take it before the people who can't

• Reframing every "no" as self-respect AND respect for the other person

• The coffee-with-someone-who-doesn't-want-to-be-there test

• Listening to your body: intrigue, dread, and "good nervous" as decision signals

• Gabor Maté's "When the Body Says No" and yes-saying as a path to burnout

• The university housemates story — how conflict avoidance eroded a friendship

• Why never setting boundaries is unfair to the people who care about you

Connect with Alice:

Website: hustlingwriters.com/templates.

Instagram: @alicedraper

LinkedIn: Alice Draper

Email: alice@hustlingwriters.com.

Chapters:

00:00 Situationships and the Ellsberg paradox

01:30 Clarity is kindness, but clarity is difficult

02:30 Getting ghosted by leads — why a clear no saves everyone

03:30 Start small: practicing on salespeople and cold-callers

04:30 Reframe the no as self-respect and respect for others

05:30 Setting emotional boundaries by listening to your body

06:30 Gabor Maté and yes-saying as a cause of burnout

07:15 The good nervous: knowing when a yes is right

08:00 The housemates story, when conflict avoidance erodes friendships

09:15 Why boundaries are fairer to the people who care about you

What if the spirit of self-sabotage isn't weakness at all, but a quiet strategy to make sure a loss never truly feels yours?

Alice is joined by Steve Magness — performance scientist, coach to Olympians and military teams, and the high-school phenom who ran a 4:01 mile, chased Roger Bannister's ghost, and never broke four. In his book, Win the Inside Game, he speaks about choking under pressure in sports and why talented people freeze the moment an audience shows up. But what makes Steve fascinating isn't the elite résumé — it's the self-sabotaging psychology underneath: we don't fear failure so much as being seen as failing, and so we self-sabotage to soften the blow before it lands.

Steve's reframe: choking is rarely a skills problem, it's an ego defence — which is self-sabotaging explained in a single move. The student who "didn't really study," the runner who "wasn't really training" — both are pre-building excuses, so a loss never feels fully theirs. That's why self-sabotaging behaviours show up exactly when stakes rise. His antidote is to treat the brain like a muscle: step into the arena on purpose, start small, and rig a friendly audience so your alarm system turns down a notch instead of screaming 'run'. The deeper argument is about who's standing around you, and how that quiets the spirit of self-sabotage.

Drawing on toddler-persistence research, the boot-and-nail case, and studies of coaches on the sideline, Steve shows how a calm, believing audience rewires what your brain reads as danger — part of why choking happens at all. He ties this to "the problem of modernity" — we've swapped deep local communities for shallow global connection, candy instead of fruits and vegetables, and lost the support that used to help us get back on the horse. Whether you've been hiding behind a half-effort or you're trying to build something in public, this is a sharp, science-backed reframe of what rejection is for.

In this episode they explore: • Choking as self-protection — why "I didn't even study" is an excuse built before the test

• The gym model for courage: start small, never max out the bar on day one

• The boot-and-nail case and a predictive brain that manufactures pain that isn't there

• Interoception and anxiety — why some people read every twinge as a five-alarm threat

• The "problem of modernity": intimate strangers and the community we traded away

• The "healer in chief" — why the alpha chimp consoles rather than dominates

• The Pygmalion study: fake potential scores that became real test gains

• Leading people back from a loss without breaking them

• Adam Smith warning his own invention about hyper-individualism

• Treating life as a quest — why Steve won't write "Do Hard Things 2"Connect with Steve:

Instagram: @stevemagness

X: @stevemagness

Substack: SteveMagness

Newsletter: https://thegrowthequationnewsletter.substack.com/

Books: https://www.stevemagness.com/books/

Chapters:

02:05 Choking as self-rejection

05:31 Treat your brain like a muscle

07:30 Rig a small, friendly audience

09:32 The quest mindset

11:43 The predictive brain and the boot-and-nail illusion

16:55 Interoception, anxiety, and sitting with the signal

23:19 The problem of modernity

28:0 The healer-in-chief

33:31 "I believe in you" and the Pygmalion study

37:13 Leading after a loss

41:42 Adam Smith's warning

46:03 The 4:01 mile that taught Steve outcomes never satisfy

51:45 Crippled by success, and why he won't write the sequel

56:45 Where to find Steve

What if the first person to reject your book isn't a publisher — it's you?

Alice is joined by Stacy Ennis — number-one bestselling author, founder of the Nonfiction Book School, and a writer who launched her career by deliberately collecting 29 rejections in 30 days. She talks about the second-grade rejection that branded her the "bad kid" in a tiny Christian school, the parent who bullied her in empty hallways, and the chip on her shoulder she's used ever since. But what makes Stacy fascinating isn't the survival story. It's the philosophy underneath: the rejection blocking most people's books was never going to come from the outside.

Stacy's reframe: most people's first rejector is themselves, and most authors never get past their own self-rejection to write a word. External rejection — the 99% of proposals turned down, the pitches that go nowhere — is just part of the game. The quieter, more lethal one is the voice asking "am I even worthy of writing this?" She invokes Esther Perel's idea that resilient people always had one person in their corner. Whether you've got a finished manuscript in a drawer or you're still telling yourself you'll start someday, this is a clear-eyed reframe of what writing a book — and getting rejected for it — is actually for.

In this episode they explore:

• The second-grade rejection that followed her every year — and being called a liar when she asked for help

• Esther Perel's one-person-in-your-corner theory.

• Why your first rejector is yourself — and how self-rejection kills more books than any publisher

• The numbers: 55% want to write a book, roughly 4% finish

• Public accountability vs. public shaming — a launch date on the calendar 18 months out

• Guilt-free breaks, and why "creating through chaos doesn't work" in nonfiction

• Rethinking ROI — measuring a book by the stage it unlocks, not the copies it sells

• Why she won't let authors use AI in early ideation — "it shuts you down so quickly from yourself"

Connect with Stacy:

• Instagram @stacyennis https://www.instagram.com/stacyennis/

• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stacylynn/

• YouTube: https://youtube.com/@stacyennisauthor

• Website: https://stacyennis.com/

• Join the newsletter: https://stacyennis.com/join

• Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/beyond-better-with-stacy-ennis/id1451233196

Chapters:

01:05 Two earliest rejections

04:00 Why rejection builds some, breaks others

06:05 Holding your sense of self

11:40 The one-person-in-your-corner theory

14:43 30 query letters, 30 days, one yes

19:07 Where fear stops people

24:27 Why your first rejector is yourself

27:25 The messy middle

30:00 Guilt-free breaks, and why "creating through chaos doesn't work" in nonfiction

33:20 Rethinking ROI by measuring a book by the stage it unlocks, not the copies it sells

37:20 Challenges in the writing process

40:30 Why AI shuts you down

43:00 Standing beside your best book

47:40 Where to find Stacy

What if the rejection that shapes you most isn't the one the world hands you — it's the one you learn to hand yourself?

Alice is joined by Sabrina Pace-Humphreys — British ultra runner, author of *Black Sheep*, and co-founder of Black Trail Runners, the charity diversifying the UK's outdoor spaces. She grew up the only Black girl in a small Cotswold town; her Afro shoddily cut against a Jackson Five photo because no one knew how to do her hair. But what makes her story land isn't the rejection she survived — it's what healing from rejection trauma taught her on the other side of chasing approval.

"No one else's opinion is any of my business," she tells herself daily — because the only acceptance that holds is the kind you give yourself. She traces a life spent dealing with social rejection by making herself "palatable," and the realization in her 40s that rebuilding identity in addiction recovery is an inside job. She's confident, too, that addiction is not a choice — and that addiction guilt was never the same as blame.

After 18 months training for the Marathon des Sables — sober, a mother of four — she felt something that had always evaded her: pride no one had to grant her, built from resilience earned through all she'd survived.

Whether you're carrying guilt you can't put down or standing at the door of a change you can't yet imagine, this is a raw reframe of what rejection and recovery are for. If you've ever wondered how to heal from rejection trauma, Sabrina's answer is three words: you are enough.

In this episode they explore:

• The earliest memory: a cot, the dark, and a father who threw her back into it

• Growing up biracial in an all-white town, where racial preference ran so deep, she wished her skin and hair away

• Why "I wanted to be white" was the survival logic of an isolated child

• Dealing with social rejection by overachieving — and why the praise never translated

• Addiction is not a choice: getting sober in 2016, and the call that was really a decision to live

• "Connection is the opposite of addiction" — what the 12 steps gave her

• Reclaiming identity in addiction recovery, one sober decision at a time

• A GP's prescription of jogging for postnatal depression, and the day wanting to live got her out the door

• Rock bottom, the Samaritans, and the power of someone saying "I've been you"

• *Start Where You Are* — why the hardest mile is always the first

Connect with Sabrina:

Website: Sabrina Pace – Humphreys

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sabrina-pace-humphreys/

Instagram: @sabrunsmiles

Books: *Black Sheep* (memoir) and *Start Where You Are: The Beginner's Guide to Running 5K for Women* https://www.amazon.com/stores/Sabrina-Pace-Humphreys/author/B096WMN3B5?ref=ap_rdr&shoppingPortalEnabled=true

Chapters:

00:00 Welcome — meet Sabrina Pace-Humphreys

00:26 The earliest memory: a cot in the dark

03:39 The only Black girl in a Cotswold town

07:57 “I wanted to be white" — survival as a child

11:21 Seeking belonging through overachievement

14:32 Realizing approval was never going to be enough

17:09 Sober in 2016, turning 40, and a start line in the Sahara

21:01 The hardest mile is the first mile

23:03 “I wanted to live" — the catalyst behind every big decision

26:50 Connection is the opposite of addiction

28:22 How to do the first mile: accepting help

31:27 What she'd say to Sabrina in her darkest days

33:10 A starting point for anyone at the edge — the Samaritans

35:37 Black Trail Runners, the books, and the world she's building

What if the rejection you're dreading isn't the editorial rejection — it's the pitch you never bothered to fix?

In this solo episode of My Rejection Story, Alice goes from her earliest days as a student journalist — including a mortifying ghosting that ended with an editor telling her it would be "ill-advised, now and in her future career" to ever give an editor a deadline — to running a PR agency placing clients in HBR, Forbes, Business Insider, and the world's biggest podcasts. What changed wasn't her confidence. It was her framework: the Five P's of a Perfect Pitch.

Alice's reframe: rejection is rarely about you — it's usually about missing P's. Drawing on the Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve (humans forget 50% of information within a day, 90% within a month), she explains why most pitches vanish before they're even considered, and why pattern interruption is the real craft underneath great media outreach. Her 100 Rejection Challenge didn't just build resilience — it built spreadsheets, pitch data, and eventually a career. Exposure therapy for rejection, done alongside community support.

In this episode, Alice explores:

• The spec assignment ghosting — and the editor who told her she'd sabotaged her career (she hadn't)

• The 100 Rejection Challenge: how going for a hundred no's turned rejection into a pitching education

• The Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve — why editors forget your pitch within hours, and why that's good news

• Pattern interruption: the real reason some pitches get opened and others get archived

• P1: Personal — social proof, social anchoring, and why one specific mutual connection beats a generic opener

• P2: Plot — storytelling that drops a reader into a scene in one line and makes them want to know what happens next

• P3: Pressing — tying your pitch to the news cycle, data, and cultural moments to make it feel unmissable now

• P4: Practical — speaking points, named frameworks, and clear listener takeaways

• P5: Proven — the bio that name-drops strategically ("backup dancer for Beyoncé" beats "award-winning coach" every time)

• Action bias over waiting to feel ready — and why the uncontrollable variables were never really about you

Connect with Alice:

Website: hustlingwriters.com/templates

Instagram: @alicedraper

LinkedIn: Alice Draper

Chapters:

00:00 The Editorial Rejection That Felt Like a Career Ending — And Wasn't

02:30 What the Ghosting Taught Her About Freelance Journalism

04:15 The 100 Rejection Challenge: Exposure Therapy and Community Support

05:35 The Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve — Why Nobody Remembers Your Pitch

06:10 Pattern Interruption: The Skill Underneath Every Perfect Pitch

07:20 The Five P's of a Perfect Pitch — Overview

08:00 P1: Personal — Social Proof and Social Anchoring

09:40 P2: Plot — Storytelling and Emotional Hooks

10:40 P3: Pressing — Timeliness, Data, and Why Now

11:25 P4: Practical — Speaking Points and Named Frameworks

12:05 P5: Proven — The Bio That Name-Drops

12:50 Action Bias, Uncontrollable Variables, and the Real Lesson of Rejection