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My Rejection Story

My Rejection Story

By: Alice Draper
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In exclusive interviews, bestselling authors like Tina Wells, Kristen Butler, Jason VanRuler, and Neil Patel share how they navigated the toughest periods of their personal and professional lives, and how this shaped the success they now experience today. Studies show that the stories we tell ourselves about rejection influence whether these failures fuel our ambition and propel us forward, or stifle our growth and hold us back. If your rejection story is holding you back, it is time for a reframe.Alice Draper Art Literary History & Criticism
Episodes
  • Why Success Doesn't End Rejection — It Amplifies It

    Why Success Doesn't End Rejection — It Amplifies It
    Jul 30 2026

    What if the first person to reject you and the hardest one to recover from, was you?

    Alice is joined by Selena Rezvani, Wall Street Journal bestselling author, leadership and confidence speaker, and creator of the viral newsletter that became the Quick Confidence and Quick Leadership series. This episode is a masterclass in overcoming the fear of rejection at work: Selena has half a million followers teaching self-advocacy, yet the rejection she keeps circling back to isn't from a publisher or an online hater. It's the self-rejection that began in a turbulent childhood, where she learned she could earn love by achieving quietly and never needing anything.

    Selena's reframe: rejection from other people is a moment of contact, self-rejection is the quiet, corrosive one that whispers you're not worthy unless you're in "conquer mode." She traces how trauma-driven overachievement became perfectionism, guilt around rest, and showing up as "the diet soda version of yourself." Then she unpacks how to build confidence at work one rep at a time, naming her inner critic (hers is called Marjorie) and swapping "what if I fail?" for "I'm either going to win or I'm going to learn."

    The sharp turn: success doesn't end rejection, it amplifies it. She's blunt that eight publisher rejections for one book turned out to be a gift, the idea was a "should," not a "want." Her antidote to the shame spiral is disarmingly simple: "share is a way to repair," because sunlight is the best disinfectant.

    Whether you're dealing with rejection at work, rebuilding confidence after a setback, or weighing a career risk in a frozen job market, this is a candid, practical reframe of what rejection is really for.

    In this episode they explore:

    • How to overcome the fear of rejection — and why the first rejection often comes from yourself

    • Trauma-driven overachievement: the survival strategy that later becomes the wound

    • Why success and visibility amplify rejection instead of ending it

    • The "diet soda version of yourself" — how fear makes you show up watered-down

    • How to build confidence at work using rejection as exposure therapy

    • The regret-minimization framework for deciding whether to take the risk

    • How to quiet your inner critic and catch all-or-nothing self-talk

    • Recovering from a bad review or a lower-than-usual score

    • How to handle rejection as a leader — and why eight publisher rejections were a gift

    • "Share is a way to repair" — how talking openly steals rejection's power

    • Job hugging: taking career risks and negotiating in a tough job market

    • "I'm either going to win or I'm going to learn"

    Connect with Selena:

    Website: selenarezvani.com

    LinkedIn / Instagram / TikTok: @selenarezvani

    Books: Quick Confidence and Quick Leadership


    Chapters:

    00:00 "The first rejection I remember came from me" — self-rejection

    04:31 Trauma and overachievement at work

    09:15 Confidence, self-advocacy, and self-leadership

    11:29 Why success amplifies rejection

    15:47 Fear of rejection at work — the "diet soda" self

    21:34 "Write the book you wish existed"

    29:00 Recovering from a bad review — the keynote that stung

    35:56 Quieting your inner critic and black-and-white thinking

    44:01 Eight publisher rejections — the gift

    49:00 Job hugging and career risk in a tough market

    53:59 "I'm either going to win or I'm going to learn"
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    1 hr
  • How to Stop People-Pleasing as someone with ADHD and RSD

    How to Stop People-Pleasing as someone with ADHD and RSD
    Jul 22 2026
    This episode discusses ADHD, rejection sensitivity, and mental health. It is educational and not a substitute for professional care.What if being "too nice" was never a personality flaw — but your nervous system doing exactly what it learned to do to stay safe?Everyone who loves Alice has told her the same thing: be more assertive! Nobody ever explained how. In this solo episode she chases down her million-dollar question — how a self-described self-sacrificer with ADHD and rejection sensitive dysphoria actually learns to speak up. Alice's reframe: people pleasing isn't a moral failing, it's trauma-driven behaviour. The link between ADHD and people pleasing runs through rejection sensitivity, emotional dysregulation, and masking — the quiet acceptance that turns "I guess I'll do the dishes" into years of swallowed resentment. She walks through what took her from being the roommate who never said a word to the woman who now asks a table to move over.She's clear she's not a psychologist, so this is the research talking: a 2024 study linking ADHD symptoms to higher rejection sensitivity, a finding that over 90% of adults with ADHD mask socially, a 2025 Lancet Psychiatry review on medication and emotional regulation, Russell Ramsay's work on perfectionism and emotional reasoning, Steven Hayes' acceptance work, and Marsha Linehan's DBT — including a line-by-line ride through the DEAR MAN script you can use in a hard conversation.Whether you've never once sent food back, or you're mid-recovery and still get the RSD flare-ups, this is a practical, research-backed reframe of what assertiveness is actually for.In this episode Alice explores:Why "being more assertive" is useless advice without a methodThe roommate era that broke her go-with-the-flow approachIs people-pleasing a sign of ADHD? Rejection sensitivity, emotional dysregulation, and masking The 2024 study tying ADHD symptoms to higher rejection sensitivity, and why RSD makes criticism land harderWhy over 90% of adults with ADHD maskCalm the storm first: the 2025 Lancet Psychiatry review on ADHD medication and emotional regulationCatch the lie your brain is telling you — Russell Ramsay on perfectionism and emotional reasoningYou don't have to win the argument with the thought — Steven Hayes and the ACT reframeDEAR MAN, decoded line by line — Marsha Linehan's DBT script for asking and saying no without fawningSources:https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s12888-022-043566https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0165178125001994https://doi.org/10.1007/s10608-020-10115-2https://www.cbt4adhd.com Source: 2025 ACT systematic review(https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/09727531241300741).Source: Linehan (2015) DBT Skills Training Manual; controlled DEAR MAN study (https://scholarworks.wmich.edu/dissertations/742/).Neff self-compassion research index (https://self-compassion.org/the-research/).Connect with Alice: Website: hustlingwriters.comInstagram: @alicedraperLinkedIn: Alice DraperEmail: alice@hustlingwriters.com. Chapters:00:00 "Be more assertive" — the advice with no instructions01:05 The roommate era: going with the flow curdles into resentment02:30 From silent to the one who asks the table to move over03:20 Is people pleasing a part of ADHD? 04:10 Rejection sensitivity, emotional dysregulation, and the 90% who mask05:15 Step one: calm the storm — medication, DBT, psychiatric care first06:40 Step two: catch the lie — Ramsay on perfectionism and emotional reasoning07:45 Step three: don't delete the thought — Hayes and the ACT reframe08:40 Step four: get a script — Marsha Linehan and DEAR MAN, line by line11:20 Why a script feels terrifying at first — and stops feeling that way12:15 Step five: be kind to yourself after the no — Harvard on self-compassion13:10 Repetition over getting it right: still flaring, doing the hard thing anyway14:00 A note to the listener: this room, and reaching out
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    10 mins
  • Is People Pleasing Common in ADHD?

    Is People Pleasing Common in ADHD?
    Jul 16 2026

    What if saying "no worries" a thousand times was never politeness, but a survival strategy your brain built to dodge rejection?

    Alice wants the answer to be yes: is people pleasing a sign of ADHD? First she reframes herself, not a people pleaser but a "recovering self-sacrificer." Pleasing from love is a gift. Pleasing because you're terrified of being a burden is something else. If you've ever wondered whether pleasing people is part of ADHD, this one's for you.

    Alice's reframe: the science on ADHD and people pleasing is messier than the internet admits. People pleasing isn't in the ADHD criteria, and no study pins it directly on the condition, so "is people pleasing an ADHD trait?" doesn't have a clean yes. But ADHD is tied to a stack that can build a self-sacrificer: rejection sensitivity, emotional dysregulation, and masking.

    The stack: a 2024 study links ADHD symptoms to higher rejection sensitivity. Dysregulation makes feelings hit harder and linger. Over 90% of ADHD adults mask, the ADHD masking and people pleasing overlap is real. Add thousands more negative comments before age ten, and appeasing looks less like a flaw than a rational way to limit the hits. For a lot of ADHD women especially, pleasing people becomes the default long before anyone names it.

    Whether you're living adult ADHD and people pleasing, exploring the RSD and ADHD people pleasing link, or trying to understand someone who is, this is an honest, uncertain look at where the evidence stands, grain of salt included, therapist's blessing pending. Next week: how to stop pleasing people when you have ADHD.

    In this episode Alice explores:

    • Why "recovering self-sacrificer" is a truer label than "people pleaser"

    • Is people pleasing related to ADHD — or something else entirely?

    • Why the confident online take — "people pleasing is just ADHD" — outruns the science

    • Rejection sensitivity, and the 2024 study linking it to ADHD symptoms

    • RSD, ADHD and people pleasing — how rejection sensitive dysphoria feeds the cycle

    • Emotional dysregulation — when feelings hit harder and take longer to settle

    • ADHD masking and people pleasing: the study where 90%+ of ADHD adults hide themselves socially

    • Why ADHD women and people pleasing so often go hand in hand

    • How "yes, that's fine" becomes a survival mechanism when disapproval feels catastrophic

    • ADHD and people pleasing in relationships — where the pattern shows up most

    • The overlap with trauma-world "fawning" — and why some of this may be childhood, not ADHD

    • Does ADHD cause people pleasing? Where the honest answer lands

    • A tease for next week — how to stop people pleasing with ADHD


      Connect with Alice:

      Website: hustlingwriters.com

      Instagram: @alicedraper

      LinkedIn: Alice Draper

      Email: alice@hustlingwriters.com.


      Chapters:

      00:00 "I am a people pleaser — and it might be because I have ADHD"

      01:00 Why "recovering self-sacrificer" is the better term

      02:00 Pleasing from love vs. pleasing at your own expense

      03:00 The research deep dive — and a messier answer than expected

      04:00 Rejection sensitivity and the 2024 study

      05:00 Emotional dysregulation and masking (90%+ of ADHD adults)

      06:00 Stacking it up — when appeasing becomes survival

      07:00 RSD and 10,000 negative comments before age ten

      08:00 The fawning overlap — ADHD, or early childhood?

      09:00 Where this leaves us: a pattern, not a proven fact

      10:00 Next week's episode, and one ask for listeners
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    7 mins
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