Season 1, Episode 12 - The Problem Was Never You

Episode Description

Welcome back to Left Unattended with Ron Sosa, where we explore neurodivergence, identity inclusion, and the quiet systems that need disrupting. In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Jodi Wilson, an autism researcher and speaker, who shares her powerful experiences navigating the world as a neurodivergent individual. This conversation dives into the challenges faced in the workplace, the emotional toll of chronic masking, and the critical role of curiosity in fostering inclusion. If you've ever felt out of place in a world that wasn’t built with you in mind, Dr. Wilson’s insights are bound to resonate deeply.

What We Cover

- How neurodivergent individuals are often labeled as 'the problem' and why that perspective needs disrupting

- What chronic masking does to your mental health and why it's different from typical burnout

- Why curiosity is a powerful tool for bridging communication gaps between neurodivergent and neurotypical people

- How Dr. Jodi Wilson's personal journey in veterinary medicine underscores these systemic issues

- The role of cultural humility in communication and how a lack of it led to being "kidnapped" by Turkish sailors

Key Takeaway

Neurodivergence isn't the problem; the systems and norms that exclude us are. By rethinking these systems and using curiosity as a tool for inclusion, we can begin to rebuild environments that recognize and value diverse ways of thinking and being.

The Shift in Practice

When facing challenges as a neurodivergent individual, try this approach:

1. Identify and acknowledge situations where you feel labeled or out of place.
2. Reflect on your needs and communicate them — create a dialogue that fosters understanding rather than judgment.
3. Practice curiosity over judgment in your interactions, transforming potential conflicts into opportunities for growth.

Who This Episode Is For

This episode is for anyone who has felt out of sync in a neurotypical world, particularly neurodivergent individuals seeking validation and allies who wish to understand the challenges of masking, burnout, and the need for systemic change.

Connect

If this conversation struck a chord and you want to explore how you can lead more inclusively, subscribe to Ron’s newsletter at www.syn-apt.me/newsletter. To dive deeper into coaching with Ron, visit coaching.syn-apt.me. Explore more about Dr. Jodi Wilson’s work on neuro inclusion by checking the show notes. Enjoyed the episode? Follow the podcast and leave a review to help others find these important conversations. Remember, belonging isn't a luxury — it’s a leadership strategy.

Episode summary This solo episode is heavier, more personal, and intentionally slower. Ron explores masking, what chronic masking does to identity over time, and how it can quietly lead to an exhaustion that looks like depression but feels more existential. He names the constant translation many neurodivergent people live in, the grief that comes with realizing how long you’ve been performing, and the lonely, non-linear process of unmasking. This episode is a compassionate mirror for anyone who has hit capacity and can’t try harder their way out of it.

What you’ll hear in this episode • Why masking often isn’t a conscious decision, it’s a survival adaptation learned early • The Mac running Windows metaphor and what constant translation does to your nervous system • The hidden labor of performing: eye contact cadence, facial expression monitoring, suppressing stims, enduring sensory pain • Bone deep, soul level exhaustion: when the work wasn’t physically demanding, but you collapse anyway • Identity erosion: when you can’t tell what’s authentic anymore versus what’s performed • The scary questions: Do I actually like this? Do I actually like these people? Is this life mine? • The daily masking cycle: calculations, scripts, appropriate responses, and ending the day depleted • What happens when your nervous system finally says no and you can’t sustain the mask anymore • Why masking burnout doesn’t rest away: the exhaustion isn’t physical, it’s existential • The unmasking anger: volcanic grief and righteous anger as a sign your system is waking up • Small ways unmasking begins: movement, stimming, saying no, naming sensory needs, honesty about small talk • The loneliness of unmasking: losing relationships built on performance and grieving what wasn’t authentic • Psychological safety vs safety in general: when it’s not safe to unmask, and choosing adaptation strategically • Reclaiming yourself through noticing: what energizes you, what feels like home, what you were allowed to suppress • A reframed truth: hitting the wall is not failure, it’s information and a signal you deserve better • The closing invitation: you don’t have to do anything right now, let it sit, be gentle, this is soul work

Notable quotes • You’re rewiring your entire operating system to run on someone else’s code. • You’ve been running on a constant translation program in your brain. • You start to lose track of what is authentic and what is a mask. • Unmasking isn’t about discovering who you are. It’s about grieving who you thought you had to be. • Burnout from chronic masking isn’t something you can just rest away. The exhaustion isn’t physical, it’s existential. • You didn’t fail. You didn’t break. You’ve reached capacity.

Key takeaways

1. Masking can create real success externally while quietly draining identity and capacity internally.
2. Chronic masking exhaustion often gets mislabeled as laziness, anxiety, or depression when it’s actually nervous system overload.
3. Identity erosion is real: if you perform long enough, you can lose access to your preferences, needs, and yes.
4. Unmasking is messy and non-linear. Sometimes you unmask and feel free. Sometimes you feel exposed. Both are part of it.
5. The anger that comes with unmasking isn’t a problem to fix. It’s information, grief, and a step toward reclaiming self.
6. Hitting a wall is not failure. It’s a signal that the path you’ve been walking isn’t sustainable for your brain.

Listener reflection prompts • Where in your life are you translating yourself to be palatable, even when no one asked you to? • What do you do because it’s expected, not because it’s true for you? • What would change if you treated your exhaustion as information instead of a character flaw? • When do you feel most like yourself, even in tiny moments? • If unmasking feels unsafe in some spaces, what’s one space where it might be safe to soften the performance by 5%?

Closing message If this episode stirred something up, you don’t have to fix it today. Let it sit. Let yourself feel what comes up. If you’re in the thick of burnout or realizing how long you’ve been masking, be gentle with yourself. This is hard work. This is soul work.

Resources • Ron’s workbook: What’s Left Unattended https://www.syn-apt.me/playbook - Free discovery call with Ron: https://www.syn-apt.me/coaching-schedule - Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/ronald-sosa-cvpm-ccfp-pgd-cld-53453797

This episode explores something a little different. Instead of a traditional neurodivergence story, Ron sits down with Susan Bloom, a Master Equine Gestalt Coach who partners with horses to help people process trauma, grief, burnout, and identity shifts.

Susan shares how her journey as a caregiver for her husband during his battle with a rare autoimmune disease ultimately led her into equine Gestalt work. Together, Ron and Susan unpack how horses act as nervous system mirrors, how trauma can live in the body long after the event has passed, and why medical professionals, especially veterinarians and physicians, may benefit deeply from embodied, trauma-informed work.

This conversation bridges neurodivergence, burnout, grief, boundaries, and the human-animal bond in a way that feels grounding and expansive.

• What Gestalt means and how it centers wholeness rather than fixing • How Susan’s caregiving journey shaped her work with trauma and burnout • Why medical professionals often intellectualize instead of inhabit their bodies • How horses mirror nervous system states and emotional shifts • The round pen exercises that reveal subconscious patterns • A powerful story of a woman whose body rejected her home environment • How horses help clients find boundaries without force • Grounding techniques used in equine Gestalt work • Why burnout in the good ones is often trauma-based • The difference between performance and embodiment • How small human moments from doctors reduce emotional distance • Why connection reduces burnout for both practitioner and client

• A horse physically removing a house boundary to symbolize needed change • A pony responding to third-grade math trauma before the client consciously processed it • The idea that horses vibrate at a higher energetic frequency and help regulate humans • Ron’s reflection on how veterinarians set impossible standards for themselves • A conversation about preserving the human-animal bond over rigid medical perfection • The reminder that doctors and veterinarians don’t need to be superhuman to be respected

1. Trauma often lives in the body, not just in narrative memory.
2. Intellectual professions can disconnect practitioners from embodied awareness.
3. Burnout may be rooted in unresolved emotional load, not just workload.
4. Horses respond to authenticity, not performance.
5. Connection, not perfection, sustains healing professions.
6. Being human with patients or clients builds trust more than authority alone.

Susan Bloom is a Master Equine Gestalt Coach and founder of Connection & Synergy. She partners with horses to help clients process trauma, grief, caregiver fatigue, and burnout. Her work includes individual sessions and small group retreats designed to create safe, embodied healing environments.

She is located approximately one hour from Kansas City and offers immersive retreat experiences on her ranch.

Website: connectionandsynergy.com Facebook: Connection & Synergy LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/susanbloom-connectionandsynergy/

If this episode resonated with you, especially if you’re a veterinarian, medical professional, or neurodivergent leader navigating burnout:

• Join the Left Unattended Newsletter: https://www.syn-apt.me/newsletter • Explore 1:1 or group coaching: https://www.syn-apt.me/coaching-schedule • Connect with Ron on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ronald-sosa-cvpm-ccfp-pgd-cld-53453797/