Every interaction moves people in one of two directions.

Toward threat. Or toward safety.

Most leaders don't set out to put their people on the defensive. But it happens anyway—in the meeting where someone gets publicly corrected, in the rumor that goes unaddressed, in the project that went to someone else without explanation.

In this episode of How Work Actually Works, Joe Marques and KayLee Hansen break down the SCARF model—a neuroscience-backed framework developed by David Rock and the NeuroLeadership Institute that explains both why people shut down and what makes them come alive.

They walk through all five drivers—Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness—exploring what puts people on guard and what creates reward. Joe shares a brutal story about a leader who told employees their location was like "the company's right arm"...weeks before security showed up and the whole place was eliminated. KayLee brings a legendary Ritz-Carlton story about a room attendant who booked a plane ticket to Hawaii just to hand-deliver a guest's forgotten laptop.

They also tackle the return-to-office tension, why "connect before you lead" matters more than proving you earned the promotion, and what happens when fairness gets confused with equality.

And yes—there's a cutout face taped to a conference phone. You'll understand.

Key Takeaways

• Why silence unsettles people more than bad news ever could
• The difference between certainty (knowing what's coming) and autonomy (having a say in it)
• How new leaders cause damage by trying to prove competence before building connection
• The "10-second certainty boost"—a simple way to put people at ease
• Why focusing on one letter of SCARF per week beats walking around with a mental checklist

People are always scanning for threat or safety. You choose which one you create.

There's a difference between resetting and reframing.

Most organizations treat a new year or new quarter like a magic eraser—turn the page, set new goals, pretend last year's struggles disappeared. But people don't forget what they experienced just because the calendar changed. And that "fresh start" energy? It often feels more performative than real.

In this episode of How Work Actually Works, Joe Marques and KayLee Hansen challenge the pressure-filled rituals of goal-setting and explore what it actually takes to build momentum that lasts. They unpack why clarity beats speed, how trust erodes fastest under pressure, and what happens when leaders confuse a beautiful plan with real progress.

Joe shares a story about flipping engagement planning on its head—putting it in employees' hands instead of leaders'—and what his team reflected back that he'd never seen himself. KayLee brings the sports analogies (Blue Jays heartbreak included) and a square dancing reference you didn't know you needed.

They also introduce the "15 Minute December Look Back"—a simple exercise that helps teams define what a great year actually feels like before it's already over.

Whether you're in a final push or staring down a fresh planning cycle, this episode offers a different way to approach goal-setting—one that honors what happened and focuses on what actually matters.

Key Takeaways

• Why resetting ignores reality while reframing builds from it
• How trust breaks down when leaders only show it during easy times
• The danger of planning with false certainty—and why beautiful plans give you dopamine without progress
• One question that shifts goal-setting from KPIs to real intention
• How to ask your team what they don't want to lose

Better years don't start with turning the page.

They start with telling the truth about what's already written.

There's a difference between being watched and being seen.
Most workplaces have mastered watching—monitoring performance, tracking metrics, observing output. But seeing? That's the part that gets missed. And it's the part that actually matters.

In this episode of How Work Actually Works, Joe Marques and KayLee Hansen explore five practical questions that help leaders move from surveillance to connection. These are the kinds of questions that shift one-on-ones from status updates to real conversations—and create the conditions where trust and engagement can actually grow.

KayLee shares her “magic questions” approach, including the story of the Hot Wheels Lamborghinis and why knowing someone’s exact coffee order matters more than most leaders realize. Joe adds perspective on why recognition often misses the mark, how motivation goes deeper than money, and why the first, polished answer people give is rarely the real one—until you slow down and dig a little deeper.

They also talk about how to introduce this approach without it feeling performative or forced—especially if this isn’t how you’ve led before.

Whether you’re a new manager or a seasoned leader looking to reset how you connect with your team, this episode gives you questions you can use immediately.

Key Takeaways

• Why being watched feels very different from being understood
• Two questions that reveal how people actually want to be recognized
• How to move past surface-level answers to uncover real motivation
• What most leaders get wrong about feedback—and how to fix it
• One culture question that works like a mini pulse survey

Better leadership doesn’t start with better answers.

It starts with better questions.