• Ep. 56 I Want to Do It, So Why Can’t I? PDA Explained
    Jun 23 2026
    What is adult PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), and what does neurodivergent demand paralysis feel like from the inside? In this episode of F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups, your neurodivergent besties Callie and Jayne dive deep into the PDA cycle, burnout, and why everyday tasks can trigger a nervous system shutdown.This podcast was created on the lands of the Ngunnawal, Wadawurrung, and Dja Dja Wurrung Peoples.Hello, hello, and welcome to F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups with your neurodivergent besties, Callie Elward-Barrett and Jayne Gurton. Where we talk about neurodivergence in real adult life: work, relationships, burnout, overwhelm, identity, and all the weird little things that make you think, ‘surely it’s not just me’. We’re honest, occasionally sweary, and very much not interested in pretending to be polished.Grab a beverage, or body double some life admin with us in your ears, and let’s get started.PDA gets discussed constantly online, but it is often reduced to ‘not liking being told what to do’. In this episode, Callie and Jayne dig underneath that explanation. They look at what PDA feels like from the inside and what current research can and cannot tell us.Callie walks through a proposed PDA cycle, from detecting a demand through to the nervous system’s appraisal of effort, uncertainty, safety, sensory discomfort, autonomy, and available capacity. They also discuss why avoidance can provide enough immediate relief to reinforce the pattern, even when it creates more distress later. They explore practical ways to reduce friction, including recognising personal triggers, creating safer sensory conditions, increasing clarity and certainty, protecting capacity, and resisting the idea that every struggle can be fixed by applying more pressure.In this episode:PDA burnout and executive dysfunction in adultsHow to manage PDA paralysisAuDHD (Autism and ADHD) and demand avoidanceDifficult school mornings, parenting guilt, and repairing after things go badlyPDA in everyday lifePathological demand avoidance versus pervasive drive for autonomyWhat science currently knows, and does not know, about PDAWhy PDA is more complicated than anxiety, defiance, or simply disliking demandsHow demands may be assessed for effort, uncertainty, sensory discomfort, safety, and loss of controlThe relationship between stress, executive functioning, and PDA paralysisHow avoidance can reinforce future avoidanceIdentifying triggers and creating more supportive sensory and environmental conditionsSimilarities and differences between PDA and ODDTimestamps00:00 A difficult morning, parenting guilt, and trying to repair10:55 Overwhelm and a real-life PDA segue19:11 PDA explained: pathological demand avoidance and pervasive drive for autonomy25:13 What research can, and cannot, currently tell us about PDA31:06 The PDA cycle: demands, appraisal, stress, and reduced executive access40:30 PDA paralysis, chronic illness, limited capacity, and shame44:49 Why avoidance can temporarily help and reinforce the cycle49:14 What might help: triggers, sensory needs, certainty, and supportive conditions57:07 Why PDA changes with context, safety, capacity, and sensory load01:01:19 PDA versus ODD: similarities, differences, and why neither is a choicePDA remains a developing and contested area. This conversation combines available research discussed during recording with Callie and Jayne’s lived and professional experience. It is not medical advice, and people may understand or describe their experiences differently.ConnectFind us on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok at F Them Fish: AuDHD for GrownupsSend your stories and questions to FThemFish@gmail.comAuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.Follow or subscribe so you do not miss an episode, and leave us a five-star review if the pod makes you feel understood, entertained, or slightly less alone.AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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    1 hr and 9 mins
  • Ep. 55 Men's Mental Health In Crisis: What Happens When Men Go Quiet
    Jun 16 2026
    Hello, hello, and welcome to F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups with your neurodivergent besties, Callie Elward-Barrett and Jayne Gurton. This is the podcast where we talk about neurodivergence in real adult life: work, relationships, burnout, overwhelm, identity, and all the weird little things that make you think, ‘surely it’s not just me.’ We’re honest, occasionally sweary, and very much not interested in pretending to be polished.Grab a beverage, or body double some life admin with us in your ears and let’s get started!Content note: this episode includes discussion of men’s mental health, suicide, mining culture, isolation, alcohol, and the emotional impact of working away from home. Please take care while listening, and use the support links below if anything in this episode brings things up for you.Callie and Jayne are joined by Rhys Heland, a WA mining professional, Callie’s brother-ish, and guest at Pod HQ in The Nook.What starts with Thirsty Merc, email shame, and Callie’s deeply committed front-row concert behaviour becomes a powerful conversation about men’s mental health, mining culture, FIFO-style isolation, and what can happen when men are expected to just keep going.Rhys shares the story of Dragged to the Mines, a Pilbara project that used drag photography to challenge blokey mining culture and open up conversations about masculinity, mental health and suicide. He talks about life in remote mining environments, long swings, tiny dongas, twelve-hour days, fatigue, isolation, welfare checks, alcohol rules, and the reality of trying to stay connected to family and community while working away.The conversation also explores what withdrawal can look like, why going quiet can be a warning sign, and how the smallest conversations can matter. Sometimes the starting point is not a perfect mental health script. Sometimes it is asking about dinner, family, footy, trivia night, or whether someone has spoken to anyone lately.Callie, Jayne and Rhys also talk about the idea of having a code phrase with your people, like “I need seven seconds,” for those moments when explaining everything feels too hard but being alone with it feels worse.This episode is not medical advice. It is three people having a real conversation about men, mental health, neurodivergence, isolation, work, resilience, and the importance of asking the hard questions gently.Timestamps:00:00 – Intro02:00 – Callie REALLY loves Thirsty Merc10:54 – Dragged to the Mines13:28 – Mining, masculinity and mental health15:43 – Isolation16:18 – Being away from family35:30 – Withdrawal35:55 – How men may show distress36:57 – The power of a simple phrase37:34 – Small talk as big talk38:18 – Creating a code43:06 – Neuroplasticity, resilience and mindset51:51 – Asking hard questions gently52:26 – What you can doSupport:Lifeline Australia 24/7 crisis support and suicide preventionCall: 13 11 14Text: 0477 13 11 14https://www.lifeline.org.au/MensLine Australia 24/7 counselling and support for menCall: 1300 78 99 78https://mensline.org.au/Suicide Call Back Service24/7 phone and online counselling for people affected by suicideCall: 1300 659 467https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/Beyond BlueMental health support and men’s mental health resourcesCall: 1300 22 4636https://www.beyondblue.org.au/mental-health/mens-mental-healthMATES in MiningSuicide prevention and mental health support for the mining industryhttps://mining.mates.org.au/13YARN24/7 crisis support for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peopleCall: 13 92 76https://www.13yarn.org.au/Links Dragged to the MinesSkimpies in WAThirsty MercConnectFind us on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok at F Them Fish: AuDHD for GrownupsSend your stories and questions to FThemFish@gmail.comAuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.This podcast was created on the lands of the Ngunnawal, Wadawurrung and Dja Dja Wurrung PeoplesAuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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    1 hr
  • Ep. 54 Don't Pick On the Flower, Change the Soil: What Adults Get Wrong About ADHD Kids (with PB)
    Jun 9 2026

    Hello, hello, and welcome to F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups with your neurodivergent besties, Callie Elward-Barrett and Jayne Gurton. This is the podcast where we talk about neurodivergence in real adult life: work, relationships, burnout, overwhelm, identity, and all the weird little things that make you think, ‘surely it’s not just me.’ We’re honest, occasionally sweary, and very much not interested in pretending to be polished.


    Grab a beverage, or body double some life admin with us in your ears and let’s get started!


    In this episode, Callie sits down with Twice-Exceptional PB - 11 year-old host of the popular podcast: 'PB's Productions, My ADHD Kids Podcast', that she started when she was only 8 years old!. PB has a lot of insights to share about what it really means to be a kid with ADHD. She talks with an incredible poise and emotional intelligence that most adults would be proud of. There are multiple moments that will make you stop and think a little deeper about the young people in your life, whether you're a parent, teacher, or favourite Aunty.


    The episode keeps coming back to adults assuming they know, not asking what kids need, and mistaking ADHD challenges for intentional misbehaviour.


    In a world full of adults explaining ADHD kids, this episode lets an ADHD kid explain it herself. Share this episode with the ADHD kids you know and ask them if they agree, or what they might say differently. And more importantly, share it with any adults who need to hear it.


    "Try, be you, be kind, and bloom like that sunflower. Bloom bright... Just try, believe in yourself, because you are amazing." PB



    Timestamps
    • 00:15 – Meet PB, ADHD kid podcaster
    • 02:05 – “I have a more advanced brain” PB introduces herself as a kid with ADHD, big thoughts, humour and a grown-up way of seeing things.
    • 02:44 – If your ADHD brain had a theme song
    • 08:19 – PB describes her brain in three words and explains what it is like when funny thoughts arrive at exactly the wrong moment.
    • 09:54 – Why PB started her own ADHD podcast and why kids need to hear from other kids, not only adults talking about them.
    • 13:56 – ADHD explained by an actual ADHD kid.
    • 15:11 – What adults get wrong about ADHD kids
    • 17:30 – “I don’t believe you” and “you did it on purpose” two things she wishes adults would stop saying to ADHD kids.
    • 19:00 – What is actually cool about ADHD
    • 21:07 – ADHD brain control panel
    • 24:02 – The ultimate ADHD gadget
    • 27:18 – Rapid-fire ADHD would-you-rathers
    • 28:58 – The question adults should ask more often “What do you need?” and why that matters.
    • 31:18 – The question PB is sick of adults asking and what adults might miss when they judge attention from the outside.
    • 34:47 – What to say to ADHD kids who feel too much - a beautiful answer about being the perfect amount for yourself and blooming in your own way.
    • 36:40 – ADHD is not about trying harder
    • 37:38 – Bloom bright like a sunflower.
    • 38:02 – Where to find PB’s podcast

    Connect

    Find us on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok at F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups

    Send your stories and questions to FThemFish@gmail.com

    AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.


    This podcast was created on the lands of the Ngunnawal, Ngambri, Wadawurrung and Dja Dja Wurrung Peoples. Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land.

    AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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    41 mins
  • Ep. 53 The Importance of Celebrating Tiny Wins
    Jun 2 2026

    Hello, hello, and welcome to F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups with your neurodivergent besties, Callie Elward-Barrett and Jayne Gurton. This is the podcast where we talk about neurodivergence in real adult life: work, relationships, burnout, overwhelm, identity, and all the weird little things that make you think, ‘surely it’s not just me.’ We’re honest, occasionally sweary, and very much not interested in pretending to be polished.


    Grab a beverage, or body double some life admin with us in your ears and let’s get started!


    Our topic for today is all about how celebrating tiny wins can get you further towards your bigger goals. And please! It's important to keep those bigger goals! Not to beat yourself with, or berate yourself for not achieving them immediately, but because without them, life feels so much smaller. Callie is feeling the restriction of having lower expectations and how that feels the opposite of liberating - it feels suffocating.


    As neurodivergent people, we can smash through the limited expectations others may place upon us and do truly amazing things. We don't HAVE to, we GET to. Underestimate us. We dare you.


    Timestamps
    • 00:07 Intro
    • 01:08 Callie's best birthday ever? Maybe?
    • 01:54 The 'wants vs needs' family hack because everyone wants something all the time!
    • 04:58 Feeling seen rather than perceived
    • 09:30 The six-minute birthday dance video
    • 14:59 Listeners, we want your input! Should episodes start with a quick topic signpost?
    • 15:41 Rubbish fidgets and blue moon rituals
    • 17:49 Emotional and sensory hangovers
    • 19:04 Main topic begins: Celebrating tiny wins
    • 20:14 What celebrating tiny wins means for neurodivergent people
    • 21:42 Everyday wins, momentum and using small successes to get started
    • 24:26 Tiny wins, gratitude practice and undoing years of negative feedback
    • 27:12 Who decides what counts as a win?
    • 28:47 Tiny wins are not small dreams: building toward bigger goals
    • 32:20 Fibro, health progress and finding hope in tiny improvements
    • 33:53 Homework - watch the Room to Move doco on Netflix and share your tiny wins with us!

    Connect

    Find us on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok at F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups

    Send your stories and questions to FThemFish@gmail.com


    AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.

    This podcast was created on the lands of the Ngunnawal, Wadawurrung and Dja Dja Wurrung Peoples. Always was, always will be.

    AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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    36 mins
  • Ep. 52 Is It Really Worth Getting An Autism Diagnosis As An Adult?
    May 26 2026

    Hello, hello, and welcome to F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups with your neurodivergent besties, Callie Elward-Barrett and Jayne Gurton. This is the podcast where we talk about neurodivergence in real adult life: work, relationships, burnout, overwhelm, identity, and all the weird little things that make you think, ‘surely it’s not just me.’ We’re honest, occasionally sweary, and very much not interested in pretending to be polished.


    Grab a beverage, or body double some life admin with us in your ears and let’s get started!


    Callie's brain is unhappy at the fact that she didn't knock off those extra few seconds and make this episode a nice, round 55 minutes! Also... 50 minutes is nowhere near the 30 minutes we keep promising ourselves!

    In this episode, Callie and Jayne have no technical issues! It's true! That said, Jayne's pod dogs cause a whole other set of issues that lead to Callie singing. Sorry besties, this was a moment we are all going to need to process.


    We go deep with listener bestie Robbie today, with their question about whether it is really necessary to get an Autism diagnosis as an adult. We're not going to lie, this one feels like a bit of a minefield, but we are committed to having the hard chats and giving you that space you need to talk about these things. Not everyone has a person, or a group of people they can talk with about their neurodivergence or when they feel they are neurodivergent. There are so many reason someone may not have a 'real life' bestie to bounce these things through, so we are honoured when we can be those people for you.


    We absolutely loved this chat and hopefully, it answers some of your questions about Autism as a grown up.


    Timestamps

    00:14 — Welcome, pod dogs, and chaotic bestie energy

    03:35 — Unexpected moments of connection with strangers can be beautiful

    05:25 — Teeth brushing and did you know that ADHDers don't form habits?

    10:15 — Motivation, meds, and mostly practical ADHD systems

    13:35 — Robbie’s listener email

    20:15 — Autism diagnosis and where un/self-diagnosed people fit within the Autism community

    22:40 — Loneliness

    29:15 — The weird in-between feeling when you don't have a formal diagnosis

    31:35 — Imposter feelings and self-doubt

    34:00 — Is formal diagnosis necessary?

    39:00 — Practical supports without diagnosis

    40:55 — When formal diagnosis can matter

    46:35 — Final thoughts, validation, and listener call-out


    Connect

    Find us on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok at F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups

    Send your stories and questions to FThemFish@gmail.com


    AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.

    This podcast was created on the lands of the Ngunnawal, Wadawurrung and Dja Dja Wurrung Peoples

    AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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    50 mins
  • Ep. 51 Why Birthdays Feel Weird When You're Neurodivergent
    May 19 2026

    Hello, hello, and welcome to F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups with your neurodivergent besties, Callie Elward-Barrett and Jayne Gurton. This is the podcast where we talk about neurodivergence in real adult life: work, relationships, burnout, overwhelm, identity, and all the weird little things that make you think, ‘surely it’s not just me.’ We’re honest, occasionally sweary, and very much not interested in pretending to be polished.


    Grab a beverage, or body double some life admin with us in your ears and let’s get started!


    It’s Jayne’s birthday, which means tiaras, deli-meat picnics, crystals, birthday queen energy… and an honest chat about why birthdays can feel so complicated when you’re neurodivergent.


    In this episode, Callie and Jayne talk about the weird pressure of being celebrated, the discomfort of being perceived, and the difference between loving other people’s birthdays and wanting to crawl into a hole on your own. They unpack the emotional load of responding 'properly', performing the right level of joy, and feeling exposed.


    The conversation takes a very F Them Fish sidequest into sleep deprivation, business overload, rage buying, and whether a digital notebook can, in fact, save your life. Spoiler: possibly not, but we remain emotionally attached to the dream. You should definitely send this to whoever makes the Remarkable notepad though because Callie spent way too much money and would love some retrospective sponsorship if you please!


    Timestamps


    01:00 — Welcome to Jayne’s birthday episode!

    04:44 — Being Perceived when you're neurodivergent

    13:06 — Sleep deprivation, work overload and shame

    14:41 — Rage buying YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!

    31:12 — Interoception and body signals

    32:03 — Neurodivergent kids and toilet training - it's hard and there is support

    33:58 — Sensory regulation, music and respecting other people’s joy

    36:03 — Late diagnosis - unlearning alll that stuff

    37:00 — Listener question: office gossip

    40:00 — Listener question: no-one takes me seriously

    47:00 — Wrap-up, listener love and birthday dinner


    Connect

    Find us on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok at F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups

    Send your stories and questions to FThemFish@gmail.com

    AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.


    This podcast was created on the lands of the Ngunnawal, Wadawurrung and Dja Dja Wurrung Peoples.

    AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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    49 mins
  • Ep. 50! Is Everyone Neurodivergent Now?
    May 12 2026

    AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny, neurodivergent conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.


    This podcast was created on the lands of the Ngunnawal, Wadawurrung and Dja Dja Wurrung Peoples.


    Hello, hello, and welcome to F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups with your neurodivergent besties, Callie Elward-Barrett and Jayne Gurton. This is the podcast where we talk about neurodivergence in real adult life: work, relationships, burnout, overwhelm, identity, and all the weird little things that make you think, ‘surely it’s not just me.’ We’re honest, occasionally sweary, and very much not interested in pretending to be polished.


    Grab a beverage, or body double some life admin with us in your ears and let’s get started!


    It's our 50th Episode! We started with a bit of a rant about Mother's Day, then decided to tackle this pervasive idea that there is an 'overdiagnosis crisis' - spoiler alert, we have opinions!


    We decided after all of that to run through our '50 Things That...' lists in honour of our milestone. We think you'll find something that not only hits you in the feel bone, validates things you always suspected, and gives you some interesting dinner table chats, but our 50 accommodations list might just change your life. What did we miss? Tell us!


    Connect

    Find us on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok at F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups

    Send your stories and questions to FThemFish@gmail.com

    AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.


    Timestamps

    00:00 - Intro and Mother's Day Rant - Cancel it!

    06:49 - Sidequest: That's not alcohol free!

    09:14 - Everyone is getting diagnosed nowadays

    11:58 - Understanding Neurodivergence across Generations

    14:45 - Generational Neurodivergence in the Workforce

    17:41 - The Spectrum of Neurodivergence

    21:02 - 50 signs it was probably AuDHD all along

    28:45 - Don't iron clothes on your body!

    30:18 - 50 Things We Wish We'd Known Earlier

    38:09 - 50 Tiny Accommodations That Changed Our Lives

    46:31 - Contact us if you want to know more about accommodations

    47:41 - 'Sorry' is the armour we wear to protect ourselves

    48:52 - 50 Things We No Longer Apologize For

    56:17 - Reflecting and outro


    AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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    59 mins
  • Ep. 49 Neurodivergent Parenting with Patricia Falcetta OAM
    May 6 2026

    AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny, neurodivergent conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.


    This podcast was created on the lands of the Ngunnawal, Wadawurrung and Dja Dja Wurrung Peoples.


    Hello, hello, and welcome to F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups with your neurodivergent besties, Callie Elward-Barrett and Jayne Gurton. This is the podcast where we talk about neurodivergence in real adult life: work, relationships, burnout, overwhelm, identity, and all the weird little things that make you think, ‘surely it’s not just me.’ We’re honest, occasionally sweary, and very much not interested in pretending to be polished.


    Grab a beverage, or body double some life admin with us in your ears and let’s get started!


    Are you a neurodivergent parent? Or do you parent neurodivergent kids? The this episode might just be for you. We talk with Patricia Falcetta OAM about her WILD award, the work she has been doing in the neurodiversity space with families and workplaces, and what drove her to do this work...several years before most people were doing it. She even received an Order of Australia Medal for it!


    You can find Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patricia.falcetta/?hl=en or LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/patriciafalcetta/ Her website is https://sociallivingsolutions.com.au


    Timestamps

    00:43 — Welcome to WILD Voices

    01:53 — Patricia’s WILD Award and Autism Awareness Month

    03:27 — Patricia’s OAM and her family’s diagnosis journey

    07:16 — Outdated labels, Asperger’s and PDD-NOS

    08:20 — “Too empathetic to be autistic”

    10:05 — Parent guilt, school systems and survival

    12:00 — From parent advocacy to professional support

    13:48 — Late diagnosis, ADHD and the female experience

    16:16 — Advocacy, burnout and caring for yourself

    18:59 — Why parents still feel isolated after diagnosis

    20:55 — Strengths-based advice for parents

    24:07 — Supporting exhausted neurodivergent parents

    25:45 — Regulation strategies that actually work

    28:19 — Fidgets, sensory tools and oral stims

    31:18 — Tech, kids and nervous system overload

    33:03 — Safety shows, spas and brain breaks

    34:23 — Patricia’s impact in the neuroinclusion space

    36:28 — Challenging the myth of low empathy

    36:43 — Double empathy explained

    40:52 — Jayne’s emotional realisation

    42:46 — Neurodivergence, spirituality and sensitivity

    43:56 — Patricia’s fun fact: dance classes

    44:55 — Where to find Patricia

    45:47 — WILD links and closing


    Connect

    Find us on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok at F Them Fish: AuDHD for Grownups

    Send your stories and questions to FThemFish@gmail.com


    AuDHD for grownups: honest, funny conversations about work, relationships, sensory overload, identity, and the stuff nobody explains after diagnosis.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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    49 mins