Welcome back to the kitchen table! This week, Jo and Stu are navigating the highs and lows of the empty nest—mostly involving high sugar intakes and low-hanging cheese plants.

In this episode:

Plant ER: Meet Sebastian, our magnificent 6-foot cheese plant who has sadly caught "the thrips" (or "thrips," depending on who you ask). We’re doing some serious "thrip rubbing" to save him, but if you have any tips to keep Sebastian from going limp and yellow, please drop them in the comments!.

The Sweary Soften: Jo has officially announced she’s retiring her favourite insult for something more "gentle" she used in her youth. Out with the old, in with "Pillock"— though the transition hasn't been entirely F-bomb free.

Sugar Rehab: Jo comes clean about her rampant sugar addiction. From "therapy chocolate" during trips to Manchester to the "edgy" reality of a chocolate detox while wielding a kitchen knife, things are getting a bit sharp in the kitchen.

Yoga Tears: Why does a session of "downward dogging" with Yoga with Kassandra leave Jo in floods of tears?

Birthday Banter: It’s Stu’s birthday this Sunday! While the nest won't be empty for long as the kids return for a family dinner, the real mystery is the "inappropriate" gift list Stu suggested.

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Are you over 50 and find yourself making "the noise" every time you bend down to pick something up? Let us know your theories on why it’s essential for gripping things!.

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Listen, we’ve all had a rough January, but Stu and Jo are currently navigating a post-Christmas hangover that involves burnt house plants, "moist" traitors, and a deep-dive into the criminal record of the Mr. Men. Jo’s still trying to figure out if a "meme" is a virus or an idea, while Stu is busy dodging nasal drips during "number ones". It’s 17 minutes of two people who have been married for 24 years finally realising they might be the "wrong uns."

Empty Nest. Full Banter. Zero Filter. Hit subscribe now to join the chaos.

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Intro

01:42 The "Double Busy" Incident: Stu’s nasal drip meets gravity.

02:37 Bedding Inferno: Why they’ve been sleeping in separate rooms and burning the evidence.

04:16 January Vibes: A horticultural tragedy involving a metaphorical flamethrower.

05:38 NHS Reality Check: Mum Expected a brass band

06:59 The "Moist" Traitor: Why Steven’s sweatiness is a total giveaway.

07:34 Mr. Tickle’s Cancellation: Rebranding a "wrong un" for 2026.

08:50 Mr. Bump’s Scam: Investigating the impossible accidents of a fictional circle.

09:28 Mr. Daydream & Revisited: What about the school fines.

11:20 Unhinged 1 star review

11:47 Translation Fails

14:45 The AI Dog Dance: Jo's delighted by dancing dogs.

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