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2023 was a controlled demolition of my false identity. But entering 2024? That’s where the real test began. In this episode of Be Clay, we are diving headfirst into the raw, uncut truth of the healing journey.

It all started when I fell down a rabbit hole after hearing about the B. Simone and Megan Ashley “Know For Sure” breakup. What began as looking into a viral internet situation turned into a life-changing introduction to attachment theory—and that’s exactly where the tears hit. I’m getting completely honest about the fear, the pushback, the moments I doubted God’s voice, and the kind of healing that refuses to let you stay comfortable.

We’re unpacking how these emotional blueprints dictate how we show up in our relationships—whether you find yourself in the anxious, avoidant, or disorganized camp. But the deepest layer we explore here is faith. I’m connecting our attachment wounds to how we approach God, how we pray, and why receiving love can feel completely impossible even when we say we believe it.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re “too much,” feared being left, or pulled away the moment someone gets close, this episode will put language to your pain and point you toward a healthier path.

Hit subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review letting me know which attachment pattern you relate to most.

Note: This is Part 1 of a massive, deeply personal conversation. Make sure to stay tuned for Part 2 dropping right after this!

You are Loved!

Not just a little, but greatly

Not just today, but forever

Not just by some,

But by the ONE who created you in His Love

And HE's Not The ONLY One

We Love You Unconditionally
&
There's nothing you can do to change it!!!!

Listen and Subscribe on Youtube

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You ever look up and realize you’ve been living as a version of yourself that was built to survive, not a version that was built to be free? That’s where I’m starting, with a raw 2023 overview that became a prequel to everything that hit in 2024. I’m talking about identity, self-worth, spiritual healing, and the painful moment when the “real you” shows up and you don’t even recognize her.

One of the biggest turning points is May 2023, when my mom almost died and needed back-to-back surgeries. While I’m trying to recover from my own internal “surgery” and finally choose myself, everyone expects me to do what I’ve always done: fix it, carry it, save everybody. I name the cost of that role, the guilt that comes with boundaries, and the mirror moment where I have to admit, through tears, that I’m not the Messiah and I can’t keep doing God’s job.

We also get into how the voices in your head get there in the first place. I connect childhood church life, family dynamics, and constant pressure to the lie of “you’re too much,” plus the way people can shrink you when they’re threatened by your light. I even use A Bug’s Life to explain why intimidation works so well and why reclaiming your authentic self feels like rebellion. If you’re working through trauma, people pleasing, identity confusion, or faith-based healing, this one is for you.

If this speaks to you, subscribe so you don’t miss the 2024 chapter, share this with someone who’s learning boundaries, and leave a review. What’s one belief about yourself you’re ready to question? I challenge you to really look at yourself. Is this really who I am?

You are Loved!

Not just a little, but greatly

Not just today, but forever

Not just by some,

But by the ONE who created you in His Love

And HE's Not The ONLY One

We Love You Unconditionally
&
There's nothing you can do to change it!!!!

Listen and Subscribe on Youtube

https://youtube.com/@beclaypod?si=qY0dYDYXxviLM-l6

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@beclaypod

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@ispyyoubuy

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A deadline doesn’t change your life until it has teeth. We’re celebrating a two-year milestone for the podcast, and I’m using it as a mirror for something I’ve struggled with for a long time: consistency. I talk honestly about what finally got me moving after months of slow progress, including the truth about how I treat deadlines and why “last minute panic” is not a plan.

Then we get practical with accountability. I’m in a self-paced online degree program at WGU, and self-paced only works when you build your own structure. I share how I finished two classes in one week by attaching a real incentive and consequence to a firm date. Yes, London is on the line, and yes, my Eagles playing there makes it even more personal. If you’re trying to finish school, hit a career goal, pay off debt, or build a habit, you’ll leave with concrete ideas for rewards and penalties that keep you locked in.

The second half goes deeper into my healing journey, part two of 2023. I walk through June’s tantrum phase, July’s wake-up call that people are watching how we handle hard seasons, and the ugly withdrawal period that stretches from August through December. We talk about old coping mechanisms, spiraling thoughts, depression, anxiety, and the slow work of unlearning beliefs planted by past relationships. The big takeaway: healing has levels, and rushing recovery to look okay is how you stay stuck.

If this resonates, listen through to the end, then subscribe, share this with a friend who needs accountability, and leave a review telling me what consequence or reward would actually get you to the finish line.

You are Loved!

Not just a little, but greatly

Not just today, but forever

Not just by some,

But by the ONE who created you in His Love

And HE's Not The ONLY One

We Love You Unconditionally
&
There's nothing you can do to change it!!!!

Listen and Subscribe on Youtube

https://youtube.com/@beclaypod?si=qY0dYDYXxviLM-l6

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@beclaypod

Follow I Spy You Buy for the best Philly Thrift Experience!!


@ispyyoubuy

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Something nobody tells you about healing: the breakthrough isn’t the finish line, it’s the start of recovery. I’m Alisa, and I walk you through the first six months of my 2023 healing journey using a metaphor I can’t shake, surgery. There’s the prep, the detox, the deep cut, and then the “swelling” phase where you’re tempted to wonder if any of it worked. If you’ve ever felt that confusing mix of freedom and fear right after change, this one is for you.

We get real about trauma bonds and toxic relationships, especially the kind that survive only when you stay triggered. I share how old family patterns and a fear of making mistakes fueled anxiety and people-pleasing, and how fasting and consecration helped me hear truth more clearly. Then I talk about a life-changing revival that felt like God cut out what was threatening my future, not all at once, but in stages because healing has levels.

You’ll also hear why I refuse to force faith on my kids, how they chose God for themselves, and why that mattered even more once the recovery stage started. The episode ends with a question that can change how you handle boundaries, relationships, and spiritual growth: Do you want God, or do you want those relationships? If this hits home, subscribe, share it with someone who’s rebuilding, and leave a review so more people can find the Be Clay journey.

You are Loved!

Not just a little, but greatly

Not just today, but forever

Not just by some,

But by the ONE who created you in His Love

And HE's Not The ONLY One

We Love You Unconditionally
&
There's nothing you can do to change it!!!!

Listen and Subscribe on Youtube

https://youtube.com/@beclaypod?si=qY0dYDYXxviLM-l6

Follow Me on Instagram

@beclaypod

Follow I Spy You Buy for the best Philly Thrift Experience!!


@ispyyoubuy

Send us Fan Mail

Healing gets celebrated like a glow-up, but nobody warns you about the bill that comes due in the middle. I’m Alisa, and I’m sharing the real “what to expect” before I break down my year-by-year healing journey. If you’ve ever said you want to be free, but you keep backing out the moment it gets hard, this conversation is for you.

We talk about the cost of emotional healing and trauma recovery in a way that’s honest and practical. I explain the mental and emotional withdrawal period that can hit when you stop relying on old coping mechanisms like people pleasing, codependency, isolation, or numbing. Your mind can panic when the habits that helped you survive are gone, so we get specific about replacing them fast with healthier outlets, prayer, boundaries, and trusted accountability.

I also name the parts nobody wants on camera: the ugly phase, the slow levels of healing, and the root work that takes time when you’re undoing decades and generational patterns. We get into grieving what should have been, facing the truth without getting trapped in a victim mindset, and rebuilding identity when you realize some “personality traits” were actually trauma responses. The goal is not just to survive, but to thrive in truth and respond differently when life gets heavy.

If you’re ready to stop running and start staying on the table, press play. Subscribe, share this with someone who’s trying to heal, and leave a review so more people can find this journey.

You are Loved!

Not just a little, but greatly

Not just today, but forever

Not just by some,

But by the ONE who created you in His Love

And HE's Not The ONLY One

We Love You Unconditionally
&
There's nothing you can do to change it!!!!

Listen and Subscribe on Youtube

https://youtube.com/@beclaypod?si=qY0dYDYXxviLM-l6

Follow Me on Instagram

@beclaypod

Follow I Spy You Buy for the best Philly Thrift Experience!!


@ispyyoubuy

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Healing can feel like a moving target until the day you realize something is different and it stayed different. That’s where we start: the moment I look at my life and see real freedom, not a temporary high, not a good week, but the kind of emotional healing that makes you say, “I’m dangerous now because I healed.”

I walk through my healing journey that truly began in late 2022 after years of anxiety, insecurity, fear, and carrying trauma without knowing how to process it. We talk about how kids pick up what parents never say out loud, how taking on grown-up responsibility early can shape your whole nervous system, and why “quick fixes” never touch the root. I also share the role faith plays for me: realignment, obedience, seeking wise counsel, and learning the difference between being hurt by people and walking away from God.

We get practical about breaking generational cycles and changing coping patterns, including my relationship with food and emotional eating. When healing goes deep, your outlets change, your triggers change, and even your body can respond differently because you are no longer using survival tools for everyday life. If you’re searching for help with trauma healing, spiritual growth, faith-based healing, parenting through healing, or simply learning how to finally get to the root, this conversation gives you language and a starting path.

If it hits home, subscribe, share it with someone who needs hope, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What’s the cycle you’re determined to end?

You are Loved!

Not just a little, but greatly

Not just today, but forever

Not just by some,

But by the ONE who created you in His Love

And HE's Not The ONLY One

We Love You Unconditionally
&
There's nothing you can do to change it!!!!

Listen and Subscribe on Youtube

https://youtube.com/@beclaypod?si=qY0dYDYXxviLM-l6

Follow Me on Instagram

@beclaypod

Follow I Spy You Buy for the best Philly Thrift Experience!!


@ispyyoubuy

Send us Fan Mail

Although I lost my initial recording, took a longer break than I wanted, I still felt the pull to come back with something real. On Mother’s Day, I’m back on the mic to reintroduce Be Clay and say out loud what a lot of us live quietly: we ask God for change, then we fight the very process that change requires.

Be Clay started with a prayer in 2020 and a hymn lyric that hit me like a mirror: “Thou art the potter, and I am the clay.” I saw a picture of myself resisting on the potter’s wheel, making a mess while God tried to shape me. That’s where “Be Clay” comes from, and that’s the challenge I’m carrying into this new stretch of the podcast: surrender to God isn’t a vibe, it’s a decision to stop grabbing the wheel back when pressure, tools, and the kiln show up.

We also talk about the words we repeat on autopilot, especially faith language like “I want to be like Christ.” Do we actually understand what we’re asking for? If being Christ-like includes not fitting in, being misunderstood, and paying a real cost, what does that mean for how we handle rejection, discomfort, and our need to be liked? I’m sharing the mindset shift that’s been helping me: define the words, study the life you’re trying to imitate, and be honest enough to pray, “Teach me how.”

If you’re rebuilding consistency, wrestling with control, or trying to grow up spiritually for real, press play. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs a reset, and leave a review so more people can find Be Clay.

You are Loved!

Not just a little, but greatly

Not just today, but forever

Not just by some,

But by the ONE who created you in His Love

And HE's Not The ONLY One

We Love You Unconditionally
&
There's nothing you can do to change it!!!!

Listen and Subscribe on Youtube

https://youtube.com/@beclaypod?si=qY0dYDYXxviLM-l6

Follow Me on Instagram

@beclaypod

Follow I Spy You Buy for the best Philly Thrift Experience!!


@ispyyoubuy

Send us Fan Mail

​In this deeply personal season finale—recorded at the close of 2025 and shared now with the perspective of the new year—I’m opening up about the moment everything came to a screeching halt: a serious car accident that totaled my vehicle and shattered my sense of self-reliance.

​Healing isn’t a straight line, and in this episode, I don't skip over the "messy middle." We dive into the raw anger and self-blame that followed the crash, and the uncomfortable reality of being the "strong one" who suddenly has to rely on others for rides, support, and patience. If you have ever felt like an inconvenience or judged yourself for not "bouncing back" fast enough, this conversation is for you.

​Inside this episode:

​The Struggle of Receiving: Why it’s so hard for caregivers and leaders to accept help, and how to stop apologizing for needing it.

​The Spiritual Side of Survival: Finding the moments of undeniable protection even in the wreckage.

​Being Clay: Exploring the perspective that growth often feels like cutting, and why I’m done hiding the "work-in-progress" version of myself.

​Though this story began as we closed out last year, its lessons have defined how I’ve entered 2026. I am stepping forward with "the cap off"—choosing less fighting, more freedom, and a much softer grip on control.

​Connect & Reflect:

​Subscribe so you don't miss the journey ahead in 2026. Share this episode with someone who is currently navigating a hard season or "ugly" healing days.

​Leave a Review:

What was the one line from this episode that hit you the most?

​What are you finally releasing as we move further into this year? Let’s talk about it in the comments.

You are Loved!

Not just a little, but greatly

Not just today, but forever

Not just by some,

But by the ONE who created you in His Love

And HE's Not The ONLY One

We Love You Unconditionally
&
There's nothing you can do to change it!!!!

Listen and Subscribe on Youtube

https://youtube.com/@beclaypod?si=qY0dYDYXxviLM-l6

Follow Me on Instagram

@beclaypod

Follow I Spy You Buy for the best Philly Thrift Experience!!


@ispyyoubuy