Listen free for 30 days

Listen with offer

Offer ends May 1st, 2024 11:59PM GMT. Terms and conditions apply.
£7.99/month after 3 months. Renews automatically.
Pick 1 audiobook a month from our unmatched collection - including bestsellers and new releases.
Listen all you want to thousands of included audiobooks, Originals, celeb exclusives, and podcasts.
Access exclusive sales and deals.
£7.99/month after 30 days. Renews automatically. See here for eligibility.
Pick 1 audiobook a month from our unmatched collection - including bestsellers and new releases.
Listen all you want to thousands of included audiobooks, Originals, celeb exclusives, and podcasts.
Access exclusive sales and deals.
Why Mummy Swears cover art

Why Mummy Swears

By: Gill Sims
Narrated by: Gabrielle Glaister
Get this deal Try for £0.00

Pay £99p/month. After 3 months pay £7.99/month. Renews automatically. See terms for eligibility.

£7.99/month after 30 days. Renews automatically. See here for eligibility.

Buy Now for £13.00

Buy Now for £13.00

Pay using card ending in
By completing your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and authorise Audible to charge your designated card or any other card on file. Please see our Privacy Notice, Cookies Notice and Interest-based Ads Notice.

Listeners also enjoyed...

Why Mummy Drinks cover art
The Saturday Night Sauvignon Sisterhood cover art
Absolutely Smashing It cover art
How Much Wine Will Fix My Broken Heart? cover art
The Mum Who’d Had Enough cover art
The Secret Life of an Uncool Mom cover art
Did My Love Life Shrink in the Wash? cover art
What Holly's Husband Did cover art
The Bad Mother's Diary cover art
Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life? cover art
Can I Give My Husband Back? cover art
Am I Allergic to Men? cover art
Bridget Jones's Diary cover art
Relight My Fire cover art
The Wife Who Got a Life cover art
Winning at Life cover art

Summary

The hilarious second novel, and Sunday Times No 1 Bestseller, from author of the smash hit Why Mummy Drinks.

Monday, 25 July
The first day of the holidays. I suppose it could’ve been worse. I brightly announced that perhaps it might be a lovely idea to go to a stately home and learn about some history. As soon as we got there I remembered why I don’t use the flipping National Trust membership – because National Trust properties are full of very precious and breakable items, and very precious and breakable items don’t really mix with children, especially not small boys.
Where I had envisaged childish faces glowing with wonder as they took in the treasures of our nation’s illustrious past, we instead had me shouting ‘Don’t touch, DON’T TOUCH, FFS DON’T TOUCH!” while stoutly shod pensioners tutted disapprovingly and drafted angry letters to the Daily Mail in their heads.
How many more days of the holiday are there?

Welcome to Mummy’s world…
The Boy Child Peter is connected to his iPad by an umbilical cord, The Girl Child Jane is desperate to make her fortune as an Instagram lifestyle influencer, while Daddy is constantly off on exotic business trips…
Mummy’s marriage is feeling the strain, her kids are running wild and the house is steadily developing a forest of mould. Only Judgy, the Proud and Noble Terrier, remains loyal as always.
Mummy has also found herself a new challenge, working for a hot new tech start-up. But not only is she worrying if, at forty-two, she could actually get up off a bean bag with dignity, she’s also somehow (accidentally) rebranded herself as a single party girl who works hard, plays hard and doesn’t have to run out when the nanny calls in sick.
Can Mummy keep up the facade while keeping her family afloat? Can she really get away with wearing ‘comfy trousers’ to work? And, more importantly, can she find the time to pour herself a large G+T?
Probably effing not.

©2018 Gill Sims (P)2018 HarperCollins Publishers

Critic reviews

“God, she’s funny” – Jilly Cooper

“Full of laugh-out-loud moments, it’s a must-read” Hello Magazine

“Honest and very funny – it’s a tale that mums will identify with” – The Sun

“Reading Why Mummy Swears will be to some mummies just like having that 5pm snifter – it makes you feel that little bit better.” Private Eye

“Sim’s latest offering is a hilarious follow-up to her bestselling debut… you’d be forgiven for thinking the blogger behind Peter and Jane couldn’t pull it off twice – but she has” – The Sunday Post

What listeners say about Why Mummy Swears

Average customer ratings
Overall
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    509
  • 4 Stars
    132
  • 3 Stars
    35
  • 2 Stars
    6
  • 1 Stars
    10
Performance
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    485
  • 4 Stars
    71
  • 3 Stars
    25
  • 2 Stars
    4
  • 1 Stars
    7
Story
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    415
  • 4 Stars
    111
  • 3 Stars
    44
  • 2 Stars
    9
  • 1 Stars
    10

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Brilliant, wonderful, hilarious!

I thought Why Mummy Drinks was good but this one surpasses it if possible. Absolutely loved it. Going through treatment for breast cancer (in recovery!) at present, and it was just what the doctor should have ordered. made me laugh out loud. I' not sure what else Mummy can write to explain herself away in future, but bring it on!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

11 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

Brilliant book. So true at times and laugh out loud moments. I loved it and hope there is another through teenage year.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

9 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Laugh out loud stuff

Fantastic book, brilliant narration, had me howling out load, hoping the next one in the series isn’t too far away...

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

7 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

brilliant

Funny and relatable. Truly laugh out loud . If these funny moments hadn't happened to me I knew at least 1 friend that they had .

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

7 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Awesome, true funny book!

Loved it, scarily close to life as a mum which makes u laugh out loud

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

5 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars

Good follow up

A good follow up from "Why mummy drinks"
as this set the 'bar' very high any follow up would struggle as this sadly did in places
Gill Sims writes easily about every day family life with some very funny twists.
hopefully she'll bring out new stories new characters which will make us laugh out loud.
narrator very good and believable

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

5 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Hilarious

Brilliant book, kept me laughing out loud all the way through. Can't wait for her next book

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Please some more!!

Oh I cried and I laughed and I’m so in love with both books. Wish everyone to read it

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars

Quite enjoyed this

Was another good book which all mummy’s can certainly relate to. Only qualm I had was why a 12 year old was still in her final year of primary school... didn’t seem logistically possible 🤔
Other than that it’s a decent, true to life read :)

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

3 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

HILARIOUS!!😂👍🏽💯👏🏽WOW!

BRILLIANT narrator! So a REALLY REALLY REALLY huge well done to this lady for making the book HILARIOUS! I actually don’t know if this book would be as funny if it wasn’t this narrator that read it??? She’s BRILLIANT! The author is also AMAZING! What a great sense of humour and its so so true to life! That’s what makes it as funny is that everyone can relate to what she says! You just can’t NOT laugh at this! So def get it and her other book too, ive not read the “shit” one yet but I will be for sure! 2 down 1 to go! Really sooooo funny! 😂😂👏🏽💯💯xx

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

You voted on this review!

You reported this review!

2 people found this helpful