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Summary

We dedicate this tome to Mahmoud, surgeon, prophet, model and friend, whose long hands guided us, whose cinnamon whispers soothed us, whose hot nose nudged us until this book was finally birthed, proud and powerful. Much like the man himself.

This golden man is not simply an outstanding surgeon, capable of performing up to 30 hysterectomies a day (often blindfolded), but is, in his own right, a visionary, a soothsayer, a chosen one. It was Mahmoud's dream (recounted to us one night in his Harley street rooms as we gulped at his purple port with a big stinky cheese) of the pair of us, bare-breasted atop stallions tossing to the world this handwritten guide to life, sex and all the bits in between, that brought us here, to you.

As much revered celebrities, living glamorous and wealthy lifestyles, we do of course come under fire. There has recently been vicious slander circulating, regarding a small handful of folk who have written to us with a problem and having listened to our response, gone on to take their own lives. As if the two were somehow connected.

These naysayers are generally bitter and jealous spinsters, taking perverse and sadistic pleasure in being vindictive and nasty, while no doubt masturbating at the same time. To these lonely ladies we would say, 'Go look in your own heart, knock ye there and ask yourself some difficult questions. Because you will find the real guilt writhing within ye, like maggots mating in yesterday's apple.'

What we offer here is a lifeline, a service, much like the NHS, or perhaps more accurately, the AA. Joan and Jericha: AA for the heart. Affording you the opportunity to have a breakdown, call for a pick-up truck, stop off for a Full English whilst a hairy guy in a grubby onesie fumbles under your bonnet and tweaks at your wiring, before sending you on your way, lubricated, primed, pumped and pretty.

With kind regards,

Joan Damry and Jericha Domain OBE MBE (etc)

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio. 

©2020 Joan Damry and Jericha Domain (P)2020 Orion Publishing Group Limited

What listeners say about Dear Joan & Jericha - Why He Turns Away: Do's and Don'ts from Dating to Death

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Thank you ladies

Thank you for making this, a highlight of 2020 and making me laugh constantly. The podcast season 3 next pretty please!! Joan and jericha and friends!? 👀

2 people found this helpful

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I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

This is absolutely hilarious, I've had it on from start to finish all day. Everything is so ridiculous and its just stupid humour, I love it.

2 people found this helpful

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The Holy Grail for Spinsters!

As a withered 41 year old spinster with chronic vaginismus & a prolapsed love life, this is the holy grail book of advice on how to attract a man. Having listened I am certain I could now bag Antonio Banderas or similar. Thank you Joan & Jericha.

2 people found this helpful

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This has saved 2020.

The wait is over and 2020 has been saved thanks to Joan and Jericha. I can now howl myself to sleep.

2 people found this helpful

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Monstrously Funny

Utterly monstrous satire and hysterically, disgustingly laugh-out-loud funny (as long as youre not easily offended)

1 person found this helpful

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Hillarious

I have not stopped laughing! Like the podcasts and just as funny. Brilliant. Glad I got the audio book as it they both bring it to life

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So wrong, yet so funny

This book is probably the best audiobook I have got this year by far I absolutely love Vicki and Julia in this! If you love the podcast you’re going to love this audio book! Absolutely brilliant but not for the easily offended!!!

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everything I ever wanted in an audio book

full of tips and advice that I'm sure a lot of people will benefit from. recipies that are easy to follow and administer if need be. A tell ALL intimate peek in Joan and jerrichas world.

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Sidesplittingly, horrifyingly hilarious

Unbelievable. Incredible. Disgusting. Offensive. Filthy. Disrespectful. Misogynistic. Deluded. Awesome! Just thank your God you aren't married or related to these two ladies. If you like the podcast you'll love this. If you've never heard the podcast you'll like this anyway, unless you're easily offended. Do not take any advice from these two!

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Disappointing

Not as good as any of the podcasts. This seems more scripted and less ad lib compared to the podcasts which makes Jericha’s need to say “Joan” every tenth word even more inexplicable. Worth a credit to listen. Not sure it’s worth cash price