Showing results for "turner" in Dark Humour

Roger is a down-to-earth builder type, Judy is the harassed single mother of four teenage boys, and Thelma is a librarian who usually looks as though she's been sitting on a wasps' nest for most of her life. Neville is on the lookout for a woman (any woman will do), and Julian just wants to be young again. Edie is the wrong side of 70, and Roz is a size zero fitness queen. These characters, together with one very overweight Alice, all meet up for the first time at their local Pilates class. Petra, the class instructor, has no idea what she has gotten herself into!

The name’s Jett Turner and my early retirement to a lake on the Texas–Mexico border was supposed to be fun and easy going. It didn’t involve me writing up the twisted exploits of the head of the Acuña Cartel, reporting such to the DEA, or watching pandas blow up, people being fed to tigers, or learning about the bodily functions of the tortured.

The name’s Jett Turner and my writing about Acuña Cartel head Tito “El Tigre” Calderón has turned my day to day into a circus of the unbelievable. This past week has seen me painted by animal activists, forced to play houseguest to the DEA, have dead guinea pigs thrown at me, and witness a live retelling of Daniel in the Lion’s Den that went wrong for everybody but the lions. Toss in my being haunted by a call girl, pursued by a femme fatale with ulterior motives, a Witch Doctor of a housekeeper, Teddy Ruxpin porn, a popcorn serving hairless chimp, and you get an idea of what I’m up against.