Episode 32: Nobody Told Us About Our Bodies

This week, AJ & AJ dive into one of the quietest sources of childhood shame: not being taught about their own bodies. They explore how silence around anatomy, puberty, and what's "normal" left them carrying fear, confusion, and trauma long into adulthood.

"A" takes listeners back to the summer after eighth grade, when she attended camp with the popular girls from school. An offhand comment during a conversation about girls' bodies—and how many "holes" they have—sent her spiraling. Having experienced childhood sexual abuse, she became convinced that maybe her body had been permanently damaged or disfigured, and she carried that fear in silence because she didn't know who to ask or how to ask it.

She also reflects on another kind of wound from that summer: friendship trauma. Because her earliest attachment figures had been so unkind, she found herself repeatedly chasing acceptance from girls who treated her as an afterthought—the perpetual "friendship sidepiece." Looking back, she realizes she missed the opportunity to connect with someone who genuinely shared her interests: the drama kid on the bus, whose heartfelt rendition of Savage Garden's "To the Moon and Back" should have been the sign that she'd found her people. It's a bittersweet reflection on how trauma can teach us to pursue familiar pain instead of authentic connection.

"J" shares her own experience growing up without a basic understanding of her anatomy. She talks about how even saying the word vagina felt taboo in her world, leaving her with years of confusion about what was happening to her body during different points in her menstrual cycle. Changes in discharge, hormones, and other perfectly normal bodily functions felt mysterious and alarming because no one had ever explained them.

Everything shifted when she watched the film Obvious Child. In the opening stand-up set, the comedian jokes about her underwear looking like it had been dropped into a bucket of sour cream. The audience laughs, and for J, something clicks. In one joke, she realizes that other people with vaginas experience the same things she does—that what she had spent years worrying about was actually ordinary, relatable, and nothing to be ashamed of.

Episode 31: AJ & AJ are talking about the examples their parents set—and the unhealthy relationship habits they had to unlearn as adults.

"J" kicks things off by reflecting on the song "You Don't Bring Me Flowers," the tune her parents considered their love song despite it actually being about a relationship falling apart. Looking back, she realizes that their marriage modeled two very different but equally unhealthy conflict styles: her father erupted with explosive anger while her mother shut down completely, stonewalling and fleeing from difficult conversations. Early in her own marriage, "J" recognized that she'd inherited her mother's instinct to withdraw. She shares how learning to stay present, communicate honestly, and work through conflict with her husband became one of the hardest—and healthiest—changes she's ever made.

Then "A" shares a painful memory from college when she came home hoping for a simple night out with her mom—a dinner and a movie. Instead, her father became furious that they had made plans without him, triggering an explosive argument that escalated until her mother nearly crashed the car before numbing the pain with wine. Sitting silently through dinner, "A" coped the only way she knew how: replaying Love Actually scene by scene in her mind to mentally escape the chaos unfolding around her. Together, AJ & AJ explore how the relationship patterns we witness as children shape us, and the work it takes to recognize those inherited behaviors before choosing a healthier path.

Episode 30: AJ & AJ are talking first impressions—and all the ways they can fool us.

"A" kicks things off by reflecting on the surprising way people react to Little A, and how adults often project their own judgments onto a toddler. How can a baby possibly have that kind of power? That conversation leads "A" into a deeper reflection on motherhood, raising a child while healing from her own trauma, and the constant questioning that comes with trying to break generational cycles. Oddly enough, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives becomes an unexpected source of reassurance, reminding her just how present, patient, and intentional she is as a parent. She also sees unsettling parallels between Taylor Frankie Paul's toxic relationship with her ex and her own past relationship with an addict, recognizing just how easily her life could have taken a very different path.

Then "J" revisits Wes Anderson's The Royal Tenenbaums. The first time she watched it, she simply didn't get it. The humor, the style, the pacing—it all missed the mark. Years later, after leaving Mormonism and growing into a different version of herself, she gave it another chance and completely fell in love with it. That experience becomes a reflection on how our first impressions are often shaped by who we are in the moment, and why people—and art—sometimes deserve a second look.

"J" also shares how first impressions can evolve in the opposite direction. One friendship began with an immediate connection before slowly revealing patterns that reminded her of the painful dynamic she had with her bullying sister. In contrast, she recalls a coworker who completely misread her when they first met, only for that relationship to grow into one of mutual trust and genuine friendship.

Episode 29: AJ & AJ Are Talking Breakups—But Not the Romantic Kind

This week, AJ & AJ are diving into a different kind of heartbreak: the friendships, communities, and organizations we eventually have to leave behind.

J kicks things off with stories from her years working at a theater camp, where the "Head Honcho" relied on bullying tactics and cult-leader charisma to keep people in line. After nearly a decade of dedication, experience, and thoughtful ideas for improving the casting process, she realized her time and energy were better spent with communities that valued her contributions and respected her voice. Walking away wasn't easy, but it was necessary.

Then A shares the story of a deeply codependent college friendship that survived just about everything—major life milestones, weddings, losses, and years of growing up together. But after “A” was physically assaulted at a Lady Gaga concert in Boston, the friendship imploded almost overnight. Sometimes it takes a big event to untangle toxic friendships.

Together, AJ & AJ explore what happens when you stop making yourself smaller to keep the peace, refuse to tolerate bullying disguised as leadership, and choose authentic art, community, and connection over systems that demand unquestioning loyalty.

This week, AJ & AJ dive into American Psycho. First, "A" shares the story of her ex's sister, a woman whose sweet smile hid some seriously mean-girl energy. Despite "A's" genuine attempts to build a sisterly bond (including thoughtful gifts and endless patience), every effort seemed to be met with coldness and judgment. From a disastrous Memorial Day BBQ that somehow ended at a Jersey Club to a sunflower gift that wasn't appreciated, "A" reflects on trying to connect with someone who clearly never wanted the relationship. Oh, and according to her, she donated part of her liver to a child so she could go on Ellen. PSYCHO.

Then "J" takes us back to her days as a devoted Mormon rule-follower who did everything by the book—until one friendship started nudging her outside the lines. That friendship led to her first R-rated movie experience: American Psycho, starring her forever crush, Christian Bale. What started as a forbidden movie night became one small step on a much bigger journey that ultimately led her away from the Mormon church.

AJ and AJ dive into female empowerment through two deeply personal lenses: literature and pop culture.

“J” kicks things off with The Giver of Stars by Jojo Moyes, a historical fiction novel set in 1930s Kentucky about the Packhorse Librarians, women who delivered books by horseback to remote Appalachian communities. The story’s themes of friendship, courage, access to books, and women defying expectations hit close to home for “J”, reminding her of her own time in Mormonism, when she felt trapped by silence, rules, and a relationship that left her deeply depressed. Like the women in the novel, “J” found the strength to speak up, leave, and change her life.

“A” then turns to one of the most powerful figures in her life: Britney Spears. From Britney’s explosive rise to fame to the sexuality and magnetism that captivated “A” as an eighth grader, she reflects on how Britney helped her access her own sense of power and sexuality. "A" also explores the darker side of Britney’s story, including her conservatorship, and how it mirrored parts of “A’s” own childhood. Through Britney, “A” learned that even the people we idolize may be struggling, but their visibility can still help us find empowerment in ourselves.

This week on What's Your Damage?, AJ and AJ revisit some of their greatest hits in the Regret Department.

“A” kicks things off with a trip back to college, when she somehow convinced herself that being a theater kid dating a baseball player was a good idea. What followed was a masterclass in accepting less than the bare minimum: being treated like a booty call, getting cheated on, getting financially drained, and eventually getting dumped after paying for the guy to come see her. Naturally, she traces part of the blame back to The Rules of Attraction, a movie that taught an entire generation that toxic relationships were sexy and emotional self-destruction was a personality.

Meanwhile, “J” dives into Flatliners, the movie that asks, "What if a bunch of doctors deliberately died for science?" and somehow got made. The film's regret-fueled hallucinations lead her to reflect on her youngest sibling and the reality that she and her other siblings were largely left to raise him when their parents were running on empty. Looking back, she wishes she'd had more tools, more support, and significantly fewer responsibilities for someone who was still figuring out childhood herself.

Along the way, AJ and AJ discuss hindsight, guilt, terrible role models, and the uncomfortable realization that sometimes your younger self was doing the best she could with information primarily gathered from questionable movies and untreated emotional baggage.

In Episode 25, AJ and AJ talk about the moment they realized their parents weren’t always going to feel cool, untouchable, or permanent. J's story starts with watching Oscar nominees together and trying to talk about Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon — only to hear it dismissed as “too loud.” Maybe it was the swooshing kicks, the clanging swords, or all those soft wind chimes. Either way, it marked the beginning of realizing their parents weren’t as tapped into culture as they once seemed.

The conversation shifts into something deeper as "A" talks about being abroad in college when her father had a heart attack, and how Big Fish suddenly became painfully relatable. They unpack what it means to grow older alongside your parents, to see them as fragile people instead of fixed figures, and the quiet hope of being in a good place with them at the end of their lives — whenever that may be.