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Understanding Disordered Eating: For anyone whose relationship with food feels harder than it should

Understanding Disordered Eating: For anyone whose relationship with food feels harder than it should

By: Rachelle Heinemann
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Your relationship with food is telling you something. This show helps you figure out what. Understanding Disordered Eating is hosted by Rachelle Heinemann, licensed therapist and eating disorder specialist in New Jersey and New York. Each episode explores why we do what we do around food — not to judge it, but to understand it. Because when you understand what your relationship with food is actually doing, everything starts to make sense. For anyone whose relationship with food feels harder than it should. And for the clinicians who sit with them every week. New episodes every Tuesday. Hygiene & Healthy Living Psychology Psychology & Mental Health
Episodes
  • 208. Why High-Achieving Women Are More Vulnerable, Not Less

    208. Why High-Achieving Women Are More Vulnerable, Not Less
    Jul 14 2026
    The women who look like they have it all together are often the last ones to realize they're struggling. The woman who can successfully manage everyone else's needs somehow can't crack the code on her own relationship with food. In this episode, I'm talking about why high-achieving women are often more vulnerable, not less, to struggles with food, body image, and disordered eating. We'll unpack how perfectionism, discipline, ambition, and the constant drive for "more" can fuel success in one area of life while quietly creating problems in another. Quotes "The same voice that says, 'It's not enough. Not yet. Keep going' at work and at home is the same voice that's running your relationship with food." "The same discipline that gets you promoted, that grows your business, that makes you the mom that you are, is the same discipline that you apply to eating." "The ability to push through discomfort, the ability to ignore what your body needs to keep moving—it's the same exact skill, it's just a different arena." "One of the worst things to say in this situation is, 'Try harder. Add more discipline.' That is actually gonna be terrible advice because you have the most discipline. You are trying the hardest." "The discomfort is something that we don't necessarily have to solve. It's something that we have to increase our tolerance for." "The woman who has it all together doesn't think she qualifies. So that thought, 'This isn't quite me,' is exactly what we've been describing." Frequently Asked Questions Why do successful women struggle with food? Many high-achieving women rely on discipline, perfectionism, and pushing through discomfort to succeed in their careers, relationships, and daily lives. Those same traits can also show up in their relationship with food, leading to rigid rules, constant self-monitoring, and feelings of never doing enough. Can perfectionism cause disordered eating? Perfectionism doesn't directly cause disordered eating, but it is a common contributing factor. When self-worth becomes tied to performance, achievement, or getting things "right," food and body image can become another area where perfectionistic standards take hold. Why can't I stop thinking about food, even though everything else in my life seems fine? Constant food thoughts are usually your body doing exactly what it's designed to do when it's not getting enough. Restriction, whether that's skipping meals, cutting carbs, or just eating less than your body needs, puts food preoccupation on autopilot. It's a survival response, not a personality problem. For some people there's also a psychological layer on top of that: perfectionism or self-criticism that shows up around food because it's an easy, measurable target. But the first question worth asking isn't "what's wrong with me," it's "am I actually eating enough." What are the signs of disordered eating in high-functioning women? Common signs include obsessive thoughts about food, chronic dieting, guilt around eating, rigid food rules, body dissatisfaction, difficulty trusting hunger and fullness cues, and feeling like food takes up more mental space than it should—even while appearing successful and put-together on the outside. Why doesn't more discipline fix my relationship with food? For many high-achieving women, discipline isn't the problem—it's often part of what keeps the struggle going. Adding more rules, restrictions, or self-control can reinforce the cycle rather than resolve it. Healing often requires greater flexibility, self-awareness, and emotional tolerance. How are perfectionism and body image connected? Perfectionism creates an internal standard that is often impossible to meet. As a result, many women focus on perceived flaws instead of recognizing their strengths, leading to ongoing body dissatisfaction regardless of their actual appearance or accomplishments. How do I stop feeling like I'm never enough? The honest answer is that you probably won't stop it by trying to fix the feeling directly. "Not enough" thinking usually isn't the problem itself, it's a symptom of something underneath it, often a story that got built early on about what you had to be or do in order to be loved or safe. Chasing the feeling away with more achievement or more self improvement just feeds the same system that created it. What actually shifts things is slowing down enough to ask where that voice came from and what it's protecting you from, instead of immediately trying to silence it or prove it wrong. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit! LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website ...
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    21 mins
  • 207. Why You Keep Trying to Change, and It Keeps Not Working

    207. Why You Keep Trying to Change, and It Keeps Not Working
    Jul 7 2026
    In this episode, I'm talking about why so many attempts to change your relationship with food seem to fizzle out, even when you're motivated and genuinely want things to be different. Because constantly starting over doesn't mean you're lazy, uncommitted, or missing some magical piece of information. We're digging into the deeper reasons certain behaviors stick around, what they may actually be doing for you, and why curiosity is often far more helpful than criticism. This conversation goes beyond meal plans and motivation and gets into the questions that most people never think to ask. Quotes "We don't lead with the question, what do we do about this? We lead with the question, what is this actually all about? It's the question that changes everything when someone is really willing to look at it, because the answer is usually not what you think it is." "Most of us are so focused on fixing the behavior that we haven't stopped to ask what the behavior is doing." "The reason change feels so hard isn't because you're weak; it's because something would have to be given up if you changed. Meaning, if the behavior is protective in some way, shape, or form, it's providing something for you." "You don't need to know the answer yet. The key is starting to think about this and removing the blame that we're pointing at ourselves and starting to ask questions." "Sometimes this isn't something that you can do alone, and that's where you might need a real person like a therapist or a dietician. Sometimes we need people who can see the patterns that we're too close to see." Frequently Asked Questions Why do I keep failing when I try to change my eating habits? Repeatedly struggling with food does not necessarily mean you lack motivation or discipline. Many behaviors serve a purpose, and understanding what they are providing can help create lasting change. Why do I sabotage myself around food? What feels like self-sabotage is often a protective pattern. Behaviors around food may be helping you cope with emotions, stress, shame, or fear, even when those behaviors are no longer serving you well. Why is giving up dieting so scary? For many people, dieting feels tied to safety, control, belonging, or fear of weight gain. Letting go of those rules can bring up emotions and beliefs that deserve attention and support. What does fear of weight gain really mean? Fear of weight gain often goes beyond the number on the scale. It can be connected to shame, past experiences, fears of rejection, or beliefs about worth and acceptance. Why do I feel stuck between wanting recovery and wanting to stay the same? Feeling pulled in two directions is called ambivalence, and it is a normal part of recovery. Having conflicting feelings does not mean you're doing anything wrong. Does structured eating help with disordered eating? Structured eating provides consistency and helps create a foundation for healing. Many people benefit from eating regularly throughout the day rather than relying on hunger cues alone in the early stages of recovery. Do I need a therapist or a dietitian for eating disorder recovery? Support can be helpful when you're too close to your own patterns to see them clearly. A therapist or dietitian can help you understand what is driving your behaviors and provide practical tools for recovery. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit! Episodes Mentioned: -Episode 45. Basics of Intuitive Eating -Episode 122. Ozempic, Wegovy, & Mounjaro with Laura Cipullo -Episode 133. GLP with Dr. Kim Dennis -Episode 160. Intuitive Eating Updates You Need to Know with Elyse Resch MS, RDN, CEDS-C, Fiaedp, FADA, FAND LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com
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    14 mins
  • 206. What Am I Actually Hungry For?

    206. What Am I Actually Hungry For?
    Jun 30 2026
    In this episode, I'm talking about a question that sounds simple but can feel surprisingly hard to answer: What are you actually hungry for? Not in the physical sense, but underneath all of the eating, the urges, the restlessness, and the feeling that something is missing. We're exploring why so many of us learned to disconnect from our wants and needs, how food became the safest and most reliable answer, and why recovery sometimes starts with a question instead of a solution. If you've ever felt like there's something deeper going on but you can't quite name it, this conversation is for you. Grab your coffee, head out on your walk, or hide in your car for a few uninterrupted minutes. Then press play and listen to the full episode. Quotes "When everything else feels kind of murky and vague or far away or impossible to ask for, food is literally right there." "The thing about suppressing any kind of hunger, whether it's literal or metaphoric, is that it doesn't disappear." "You're not eating because you want food, you're eating because you're hungry." "The food happens to be the only thing that you're allowed to answer this particular question of what am I hungry for without negotiating, justifying, or making yourself smaller." "Giving yourself the capacity to have the question and let the question hang out for a little bit is in and of itself what we're talking about." "I think the question of 'What are you hungry for?' is probably the hardest question in this entire work of eating disorder recovery. Mostly because we've spent so long making sure we didn't have to ask it. You do not need the answer yet. You just need to start wondering." Frequently Asked Questions Why do I eat when I'm not hungry? Many people eat for reasons that have nothing to do with physical hunger. Stress, loneliness, exhaustion, boredom, and unmet emotional needs can all contribute to eating when your body does not need food. Emotional eating is often a signal that something deeper is asking for attention. What is emotional hunger? Emotional hunger refers to the desire for comfort, connection, relief, or distraction rather than physical nourishment. Emotional hunger can feel urgent and is often linked to feelings, stress, or unmet needs. Why do I binge eat at night? Nighttime binge eating is common because many people finally slow down at the end of the day. Emotions, stress, loneliness, exhaustion, or restriction that were pushed aside throughout the day often become harder to ignore in the evening. Can emotional eating be a sign of unmet needs? Yes. Emotional eating can sometimes reflect deeper needs such as rest, connection, intimacy, support, purpose, or the desire to feel seen and understood. Food may become the most available way to cope when those needs go unrecognized. How do I know if I'm physically hungry or emotionally hungry? Physical hunger tends to come on gradually and is satisfied by eating. Emotional hunger often feels sudden, urgent, and may persist even after eating. Learning to pause and ask yourself what you are truly needing can help you distinguish between the two. Why do I struggle to know what I want? Many people have spent years prioritizing others, suppressing emotions, or disconnecting from their own needs. Relearning how to identify what you want and need is a skill that develops over time and is an important part of healing. Is emotional eating normal? Yes. Emotional eating is a common human experience. Everyone uses food for comfort at times. Problems arise when food becomes the primary way to cope with emotions or when eating patterns create distress and interfere with daily life. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit! Episodes Mentioned: -Episode 73. Food and Desire with Dr. Judith Brisman LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com
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    15 mins
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