You finally started doing the right things — and instead of feeling lighter, you feel like you're coming apart. Nobody warns you about that part.

In this episode, Kim and Coach Suzette walk through the messy middle of change: why growth can feel like failing, what an extinction burst is (your brain's one last fit before a new pattern takes hold), and four tools to keep going until the new pattern becomes your new normal.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why the middle of real change feels like going backwards — and what's actually happening in your brain

• Seeing your own patterns clearly is progress, even when it feels terrible

• Why the people who love you sometimes push back when you start to grow

• Suzette's setback story: mold, Lyme, and grieving the work she thought was wasted

• Ruts in a muddy field: how your brain deepens its patterns, good or bad

• The extinction burst — the surge of cravings, doubt, and "let's just quit" that shows up right before a new pattern sticks

• Why "I'll NEVER do that again" language makes the burst stronger

• Boundary guilt: what that feeling is signaling, and why boundaries can stay flexible

• Four tools for the messy middle: name it, expect the surge, move your body, find support that shares your values

EPISODE CHAPTERS:

00:00 — Opening: Doing the right things and feeling worse

00:47 — Welcome to Unafraid Living

00:59 — Do you know your fear pattern?

01:22 — Everyone's talking about the brain right now

02:11 — When the middle of change feels like failing

03:17 — Why people push back when you start to grow

05:09 — Suzette's story: mold, Lyme, and grieving a setback

08:12 — Crying in the parking lot? There's hope

08:57 — Ruts in the field: how your brain deepens its patterns

09:54 — Crying in the grocery store and snapping at your kids

10:32 — Change a little at a time, over and over

11:03 — The mess IS the middle of the rewiring

12:17 — Driving in snow: why new patterns take deliberate thinking

13:23 — "It won't work for me" and other couch-potato beliefs

14:32 — Your brain optimizes for predictability

15:01 — Growing pains, self-sabotage, and the shame that makes people quit

16:55 — Giving in to the ANTs (automatic negative thoughts)

17:43 — Boundary guilt: the 10:30 rule and staying flexible

21:21 — The extinction burst: your brain's one last fit

23:31 — Sugar cravings, speaking up, and other bursts in the wild

26:37 — Caution: absolute language makes the burst stronger

28:24 — How to keep on keeping on

29:23 — Tool: name it to engage your thinking brain

30:13 — Tool: expect the surge (bring an umbrella)

31:05 — Tool: regulate the body and match the mood

32:29 — Tool: support that shares your core values

33:36 — The burst peaks, drops, and the new normal arrives

34:00 — This week's practice: just notice

34:36 — Closing thoughts

THIS WEEK'S PRACTICE:

Just notice the discomfort of growth when it shows up this week. You don't have to fix it. Name what you're feeling — the messy middle, the extinction burst, whatever term you'll remember — breathe through it, match your body to the emotion, and keep going. And if you've set a boundary, remember it's your boundary. It's okay to be flexible with it.

READY TO GO DEEPER?

The UNAFRAID Course gives you proven, practical brain-based tools to move out of fear and into resilience — one small shift at a time.

Enroll: https://unafraidcourse.com Start with the free Fear Profile

Quiz: https://unafraidliving.com/quiz

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: https://instagram.com/unafraidliving

Facebook: https://facebook.com/unafraidliving

TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@unafraidliving

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@unafraidliving

Website: https://unafraidliving.com

Subscribe so you never miss an episode — new episodes every Wednesday. Your brain is listening. Fear less, keep calm, live more, and listen on.

You take the bath. You open the book. You go for the walk. And somehow, by Monday afternoon, you feel just as depleted as you did on Friday. Sound familiar?

In this episode, Kim and Coach Suzette explain the missing layer underneath self-care: the difference between relief (which is real and good) and regulation (which is what your nervous system is actually asking for). Learn three tools that make the relief last — breath, movement, and co-regulation — and one small practice you can add to what you already love this week.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why "all the self-care" can leave you still running on empty

• Relief vs. regulation — the distinction most people never get taught

• Heart-focused breathing and how it changed Suzette's blood pressure (and her whole emotional life)

• Movement that matches your emotion — a run for anger, a rock for sadness, a dance for amped-up joy

• Co-regulation: why your nervous system settles fastest in the presence of someone calm

• The reason you default to scrolling or snacking when you're stressed (it's not willpower)

• How to layer regulation onto the self-care you already love — no giving anything up

• Watering the leaves vs. watering the roots: the metaphor that reframes the whole thing

• This week's practice: keep the bath, add the breath, and let your body feel gratitude

EPISODE CHAPTERS:

00:00 — Opening: The layer underneath the relief

00:52 — Welcome to Unafraid Living

01:04 — Do you know your fear pattern?

01:27 — Introducing today's topic: relief vs. regulation

01:51 — Why self-care alone leaves you still running on empty

03:19 — What Suzette learned about emotional regulation from HeartMath

04:05 — Your nervous system is always scanning for safety

04:42 — Tool #1: Heart-focused breathing and coherence

05:31 — How the heart and brain work in tandem

06:20 — Why physical regulation makes emotional regulation easier

07:33 — Tool #2: Movement that matches the emotion

08:20 — Rocking, swaying, and what a crying baby teaches us

09:06 — Tool #3: Co-regulation and the calm of someone you trust

10:32 — Recap: breath, movement, co-regulation

10:55 — Why isolation makes stress heavier

11:41 — We're not hacking your brain, we're training it

12:17 — Layering regulation onto relief you already love

13:35 — Why a bath helps — and what makes it help more

14:35 — Why you default to scrolling when you're stressed

15:25 — The dopamine hit before the scroll even starts

16:09 — This week's practice: add breath, movement, and gratitude

17:20 — The wife/husband example: switching the focus

18:12 — Wrap-up practice

18:26 — Relief is real. Regulation goes deeper.

18:39 — Closing thoughts

THIS WEEK'S PRACTICE:

Keep doing the self-care you already love — the bath, the walk, the book, the music. Just add three small things underneath it: a little movement that matches how you feel, a few slow breaths (exhale longer than the inhale), and one thought of something you're genuinely grateful for. That's the regulation layer. Do it inside your normal wind-down this week and see what shifts by Sunday.

READY TO GO DEEPER?

The UNAFRAID Course gives you proven, practical brain-based tools to move out of fear and into resilience — one small shift at a time. Enroll: https://unafraidcourse.com Start with the free Fear Profile Quiz: https://unafraidliving.com/quiz

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: https://instagram.com/unafraidliving

Facebook: https://facebook.com/unafraidliving

TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@unafraidliving

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@unafraidliving

Website: https://unafraidliving.com

Subscribe so you never miss an episode — new episodes every Wednesday. Your brain is listening. Fear less, keep calm, live more, and listen on.

Your brain and your habits have very different timelines. One can learn a fact in seconds. The other needs repetition — over and over — before anything actually changes.

In this episode, Kim and Coach Suzette make the case that you don't need to understand neuroscience to rewire your brain — and that the simplest practices are the ones that stick.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why a certified brain health professional almost never teaches brain anatomy

• Transformation and information are two very different things — and most of us have been leaning too hard on one

• The amygdala, prefrontal cortex, and vagus nerve — a fast tour of just the parts that matter for change

• Your heart sends more signals to your brain than the other way around — and what that means for how people feel your mood

• Why knowing your attachment style or enneagram can quietly become a hiding place from real change

• Neuroplasticity is your brain's gift — and it responds to practice, not lectures

• One breath, one question: the weekly practice that rewires more than scrolling ever will

• The integrity piece: why Suzette keeps the science light and stays in her lane

EPISODE CHAPTERS:

00:00 — Opening: You don't need to understand your brain to change it

01:01 — Welcome to Unafraid Living

02:01 — Why a brain coach keeps the science light

04:06 — Information vs. transformation

04:50 — The amygdala: your brain's alarm system

06:32 — The prefrontal cortex: the wise adult in the room

08:20 — The vagus nerve: how you settle after stress

09:38 — The brain-heart connection

10:29 — Your heart's electromagnetic field and gratitude

12:56 — Staying in her lane: integrity and humility in brain science

16:11 — When knowledge becomes a hiding place

18:13 — How rewiring actually works

20:14 — Neuroplasticity: your brain is moldable play-doh

21:12 — One thing to take away this week

23:28 — Closing thoughts

THIS WEEK'S PRACTICE:

The next time you feel that flush of embarrassment, defensiveness, worry, or the urge to shut down — don't reach for an explanation. Don't Google it. Just take one slow breath, exhaling longer than you inhale. Then ask yourself: "What do I actually need right now — physically and emotionally — to feel safe?" Do this 10 times this week, and you'll have done more rewiring than a month of scrolling brain facts.

READY TO GO DEEPER?

The UNAFRAID Course gives you proven, practical brain-based tools to move out of fear and into resilience — one small shift at a time.

Enroll: https://unafraidcourse.com

Start with the free Fear Profile Quiz: https://unafraidliving.com/quiz

CONNECT WITH US:

Instagram: https://instagram.com/unafraidliving

Facebook: https://facebook.com/unafraidliving

TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@unafraidliving

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@unafraidliving

Website: https://unafraidliving.com

Subscribe so you never miss an episode — new episodes every Wednesday. Your brain is listening. Fear less, keep calm, live more, and listen on.