How can schools and professionals move past performative empathy to build genuine, supportive partnerships with the parents of children with SEND? Far too often, the intense pressures within the educational system pit schools and families against each other, creating defensiveness instead of a united team around the child.

In this episode of Trauma Informed Conversations, we sit down with trauma-informed trainer, author, and educator Graham Chatterley to bridge this gap. Drawing from both his extensive professional career in special education and his deeply personal lived experience as a father to his son Daniel, who has complex medical and neurodivergent needs, Graham shines a vital light on the unseen realities of SEND parenting.

Together, we unpack the psychological journey and emotional grief that parents navigate, the exhausting physical toll of around-the-clock caregiving, and the critical need for schools to offer genuine validation and emotional safety rather than lip service. Graham shares practical insights into rethinking the use of one-to-one support, prioritizing proactive sensory regulation over reactive crisis management, and why protecting legal safeguards like EHCPs is more vital than ever in today’s challenging landscape.

What We Cover:

• Bridging the Home-School Divide: Overcoming the "us versus them" narrative to establish a foundation of emotional safety, mutual trust, and effective collaboration.
• The Realities of Performative Empathy: Why parents see right through standard procedural responses and how listening to hear—rather than just to respond—can save relationships.
• The "Grief" and Journey of SEND Parenting: Understanding the emotional phases families go through—denial, anger, bargaining, and eventually acceptance—and why schools must meet parents exactly where they are.
• Preventative vs. Reactive Interventions: The resource-saving power of early, short interventions (like sensory circuits) compared to managing a child in full crisis.
• Rethinking One-to-One Support: How to frame and utilise individual adult support to facilitate safety and independence without causing environmental manipulation.
• The High Stakes of SEND Reform: A look at why parents are deeply anxious about shifts to the EHCP framework and the essential nature of legal protections for vulnerable young people.

About the Guest:

Graham Chatterley is a highly respected behaviour specialist, consultant, and author of Building Positive Behaviour and Changing Perceptions: Deciphering the Language of Behaviour. As the Director of Changing Perceptions Limited, an advisor with When the Adults Change, and a senior licensed tutor for Team Teach, he has dedicated his career to embedding empathy, relational strategies, and trauma-informed practices across all sectors of education. A former primary and secondary school teacher, Graham went on to lead specialist SEMH (Social, Emotional, and Mental Health) outreach provisions designed to support children at risk of exclusion. Beyond his professional expertise, Graham sits on "both sides of the fence" as a parent. His first hand lived experience caring for his son, Daniel who has complex medical and neurodivergent needs including autism, ADHD, sensory processing disorder, and epilepsy - deeply fuels his passionate advocacy for building authentic emotional safety and collaboration between schools and families.

Links & Resources

Building Positive Behaviour

Changing Perceptions: Deciphering the Language of Behaviour

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The Art of Listening - Moving from "Fixer" to Supporter

In a world that moves quickly toward solutions, simply sitting with someone in their discomfort can feel counterintuitive. Yet, as we explore in this episode, true support often comes from doing less, not more. We are joined by Angelique Tavernier, founder of Clarity Ahead, to discuss the transition from being a "rescuer" to becoming a genuine listener.

We often jump into "fixer mode" because emotions make us uncomfortable, and providing a solution helps us feel more in control of the situation. However, rushing to "fix" can inadvertently invalidate the other person's experience and shut down their internal processing.

In this episode, we explore:

• The Psychology of the Fixer: How our desire to feel useful often leads us to bypass the emotional work necessary for healing.
• The "At Least" Trap: Why well-meaning phrases like "at least..." or "everything happens for a reason" can make a listener feel judged or dismissed.
• The Three Components of Active Listening:
  • Asking Open Questions: Using "what" and "how" to encourage reflection instead of defensiveness.
  • Summarising: Reflecting back what you’ve heard in the speaker's own words to check understanding.
  • Reflecting Emotions: Recognising the feelings behind the words to show the person they are truly seen.
• Silence as a Tool: Understanding that silence equals "processing" and learning to resist the urge to fill the gap.
• Setting the Stage: The power of asking a simple question before a conversation starts: "Do you want to vent, do you want advice, or do you need a distraction?".
• Building Psychological Safety: How managers can use coaching skills to foster trust and confidence within their teams.

Practical Takeaways:

• Drop the "Why": Replacing "why" with "what" or "how" prevents people from feeling defensive and forced to justify their feelings.
• Practice in Low Stakes: Start honing your active listening skills during casual conversations about holidays or meetings before applying them to high-stress situations.

By embracing the idea that "less is more," we allow others the space to find their own solutions while ensuring they don't feel alone in their struggle.

About Our Guest:

Angelique Tavernier is the founder of Clarity Ahead, a consultancy dedicated to helping individuals and organisations overcome barriers to professional progress through reflective, empowering coaching. With over 12 years of experience in higher education, learning design, and professional development, Angelique holds a Post-Graduate Diploma in Career Guidance and a Post-Graduate Certificate in Academic Practice.

Her work is grounded in values of clarity, empowerment, and inclusivity, blending mindset coaching with strategic training to build human-centered learning cultures. Whether supporting a transition to hybrid learning or helping managers foster psychological safety, Angelique’s mission is to help people build the confidence and self-sufficiency needed to take ownership of their own growth.

Learn More:

To learn more about Angelique's work, visit Clarity Ahead. For more resources on trauma-informed communication and to explore upcoming workshops, visit the Trauma-Informed Consultancy Services website.

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