Why can love feel both deeply secure and surprisingly uncertain? Writer Natasha Lunn explores the inner conflicts woven into love - perhaps the tension between loving someone and finding daily life together difficult, or between staying in a relationship and wondering whether to leave.

Drawing on her own experience and on the interviews carried out for her best-selling book Conversations on Love, Natasha reflects on balancing partnership, parenthood and creative ambition, and on accepting the losses which accompany the relationships we build.

She considers why uncertainty need not mean something is wrong. But conversely - and perhaps controversially - she suggests that deeply-torn feelings may indicate that a relationship is not the right one for us. Rather than rushing to fix inner conflict, however, she encourages curiosity, honest conversation and gratitude for the relationship we have.

Bio

​Natasha is a writer, editor and trainee wedding celebrant. As a journalist, she has interviewed everyone from Gloria Steinem to Gillian Anderson and David Sedaris, before becoming a content editor at the number 1 couples app. She is the author of Conversations on Love, a bestselling book exploring the mystery of love.

Three questions to sit with

When you experience doubts about a relationship, what helps you distinguish between the normal friction of two people building a life together and a deeper inner conflict which may be telling you to leave?

Where in your life are you balancing things you deeply value, such as love, family, work or creativity? How do you feel about what you may have to give up in order to achieve the right balance for you and those you love,, even when you are happy with the life you have built?

When someone you care about is struggling with relationship uncertainty, what do you offer them which helps? How might you handle offering help if you yourself feel the relationship they are torn about is wrong for them?

You may find these resources useful

1: To follow Natasha’s journey in exploring the mystery of love, subscribe to her Substack Conversations on Love.

2: Read Susan and Natasha’s conversation on how to sustain love within a long-term relationship in the book Conversations on Love.

3: Read Natasha's thoughts on resolving the pull-push between parenting and partnership.

4: Read thoughts from relationship researcher Amy Muise on how to fuel desire in a long-term relationship.

5: From The Torn Podcast Season 1: Should I leave my marriage? explores how Paul needed to fully understand the past before he could resolve the present.

6: From The Torn Project website: No help for my breakup pain is the story of how Alisdair found relationship fulfilment when support from friends and family wasn't helping him.

Credits

The Torn Podcast is created by Susan Quilliam, Caitlin Cockerton and James Knight. Thank you to our producer Liv Merry. To our music composers Michel, Mikolaj and Bolek Błaszczyk. To our editor and designer Lalia Saber Rodriguez and designer Crystal Matthews. To this season’s actors Antony Quinn, Matthew Woolerton and Rupert Alison. And to all of those who have contributed their lived experiences, specialist knowledge and professional support to The Torn Project.

Across this first season of The Torn Podcast, we’ve explored what it means to feel torn between choices, identities, values, and the different parts of ourselves.

In this bonus episode, we pause to reflect and respond directly to some of the questions that have come through from listeners along the way.

From feeling stuck in indecision, to navigating conflicting desires, to wondering whether resolution is even possible, this conversation revisits some of the key themes of the series through a more personal and responsive lens. It’s a chance to go a little deeper, clarify some of the ideas we’ve introduced, and offer reassurance to those moments where inner conflict can feel overwhelming or hard to name.

If you’ve found yourself relating to the stories in this series or noticing your own “torn” moments more clearly this episode is for you.

Find more stories, resources and support at

www.thetornproject.com

Follow us on Instagram @thetornproject

Or get in touch via susan@thetornproject.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this final episode of the series, the Torn Project team step back to reflect on what they’ve learned across the season with particular focus on resolutions that help us move through inner conflict. Drawing on the stories, frameworks, and insights explored throughout the season, resolution is seen not as a neat ending, but as an ongoing, human process.

Click the link below to access a downloadable PDF with further resources related to this episode

https://thetornproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/thetornproject-podcast-s1-e12-resources.pdf

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Find more stories, resources and hope on all things inner conflict at www.thetornproject.com.

Follow us on Instagram @thetornproject.

To reach out directly, email susan@thetornproject.com.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.