Episodes

  • 192: How to Get Arrested Using Household Appliances

    192: How to Get Arrested Using Household Appliances
    Jan 21 2026
    Episode 192 of The Shallow End delivers three perfectly unhinged true stories that prove human decision-making collapses completely under mild pressure. First, police in the UK respond to a routine burglary investigation—only to discover their suspect hiding inside a washing machine. Not running. Not mid-cycle. Just vibrating slightly with shame. When officers lift the lid, the man doesn’t flee or panic… he politely waves. Because of course he does. Then, listener Ben from Springfield, Massachusetts shares his own bizarre brush with human nonsense after arriving at his riverside boathouse to discover his entire dock has vanished. Security footage later reveals two strangers and a dog untying it, floating it upstream, and casually tying it to a tree—apparently deciding the dock needed a change of scenery. Finally, we head to Tulsa, Oklahoma, where a rejected liquor purchase escalates into an armed robbery using an 1850s derringer, also known as a “muff pistol.” Pajama pants, hoodie, antique firearm, and stolen IDs—because if you’re going to commit a crime, you might as well do it with Civil War flair. No one is hurt. No high-speed chases. Just grown adults, questionable choices, and appliances that were never meant to be safe houses. Lesson of the week: appliances are not hiding places, docks are not community property, and blunderbusses do not improve your odds. You’re in The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth—where confidence routinely outruns planning. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    36 mins
  • 191: This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

    191: This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things
    Jan 14 2026
    In this episode of The Shallow End, we ease into the morning with half-finished coffee, mild grogginess, and a deep philosophical discussion about a very specific human flaw: the irresistible urge to acquire objects we absolutely do not need—and will almost certainly never use. From abandoned French press coffee makers to unopened hologram fans quietly aging in closets, the boys unpack the strange comfort of possession without follow-through, the sacred importance of keeping boxes “just in case,” and the moment you realize you’ve officially become your parents. Things take a darker turn with a true crime story from Italy involving pension fraud, family deception, and a high-profile attempt at impersonation that has been dubbed the real-life “Mrs. Doubtfire scheme.” It’s a story that somehow manages to be disturbing, absurd, and baffling all at once—and proves that bureaucracy will eventually notice… even if it takes a while. Then, a listener email delivers a classic Shallow End cautionary tale involving college logic, expired Mello Yello, gravity, and a car hood that never knew what hit it. It’s a story about impulse, regret, and the long shadow cast by a single bad decision made at the top of a staircase. Finally, the episode closes with a quintessential Florida Dumb Criminal Story: a man who tried to delay his flight by calling in a bomb threat—using his own phone, his real voice, and airport Wi-Fi. What follows is a quietly perfect example of impatience, overconfidence, and how modern surveillance does not reward shortcuts. It’s an episode about bad choices, unintended consequences, and the universal belief that maybe—just maybe—we can outsmart the system this one time. Spoiler: we can’t. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    39 mins
  • 190: The Worst Possible Time to Say “I Forgot Something”

    190: The Worst Possible Time to Say “I Forgot Something”
    Jan 7 2026
    What happens when you don’t take the win? This episode of The Shallow End delivers two unforgettable stories about poor decisions, improbable survival, and the fine art of knowing when to walk away. First, a Texas man is released from jail, handed his belongings, and given the one instruction that matters most: leave. Instead, he realizes something is missing—his confiscated marijuana—and makes the baffling choice to climb back over the jail fence to retrieve it. The result? No weed, more charges, and an instant promotion to the Shallow End Hall of Fame. A perfect lesson in why some exits should never be re-entered . Then, the episode pivots from modern misjudgment to 19th-century audacity with the astonishing true story of Professor Thaddeus Lowe, a self-taught scientist who accidentally drifted by hot air balloon behind Confederate lines at the dawn of the Civil War. Shot at, nearly arrested, and mistaken for a demonic flying contraption, Lowe somehow talked his way out—then turned the entire ordeal into a meeting with Abraham Lincoln and the creation of America’s first military balloon reconnaissance program . Along the way, listeners are treated to a jaw-dropping listener story involving gasoline, a bonfire, a Kiss music video, and the Milwaukee River—plus a reminder that eyebrows do, in fact, grow back. Equal parts absurd, historical, and painfully relatable, this episode explores those fragile moments when the universe says, you’re done here—and what happens when someone ignores it. Life lessons included. Jail fences should not be climbed. Fire tricks should not be attempted. And when freedom hands you the door… take it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    42 mins
  • 189: A Schedule-1 Savings Bond.

    189: A Schedule-1 Savings Bond.
    Dec 31 2025
    Here’s an SEO-optimized episode description for The Shallow End, written to perform well on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Google Podcasts while matching the tone of the episode and the show’s brand: As 2025 limps toward the finish line, The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth dives headfirst into a fresh batch of gloriously bad decisions, near-miss disasters, and criminal incompetence you truly have to hear to believe. The episode opens with a painfully relatable moment of modern panic: losing your phone… while actively talking on it. From there, things escalate quickly with a near-catastrophic kitchen mistake involving a laptop and a microwave (spoiler: MacBooks are not microwave-safe). But the real headline story comes out of small-town Ohio, where an ordinary bank drive-through transaction turns into one of the dumbest criminal stories of the year. A man accidentally sends methamphetamine through a pneumatic bank tube, triggering a sheriff’s department response, a canine alert, and instant internet infamy. No getaway plan. No criminal mastermind. Just a jaw-dropping lapse in attention that lands him squarely in Shallow End legend. The episode also features listener-submitted stories, including a Florida man who attempts yard work with a sword and accidentally enters a real-life medieval snake encounter, plus a stunning double-whammy crime story involving COVID relief fraud, a stolen U-Haul van, and a defendant who shows up for federal court already in handcuffs. If you enjoy true dumb criminal stories, real news absurdity, and laugh-out-loud moments fueled by human error, this episode delivers. It’s a reminder to double-check what’s in your pockets, return your rental vehicles on time, and for the love of all that’s holy—don’t mail illegal drugs to a bank. The Shallow End is where bad ideas float, good judgment sinks, and the stories are always true. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    31 mins
  • 188: A Christmas Blast from The Shallow Past

    188: A Christmas Blast from The Shallow Past
    Dec 24 2025
    It’s the most wonderful time of the year—when you’re permitted (and strongly encouraged) to sip eggnog and pretend you forgot that embarrassing childhood performance of “Jingle Bells” on your parents’ camcorder. But guess what? We didn’t forget. And we’re bringing you something just as classic and cringey—a rerun from three Christmases ago! Join us as we sleigh-ride back in time to an episode packed with questionable decisions and awkward outcomes, like what happens when you attempt to steal a trailer, but you're not too bright or why we should never fiddle about with the weather. It’s our Christmas gift to you—and the best part? You can re-gift it guilt-free to your friends, family, or that random coworker who keeps forwarding you cat memes. So, don your ugly sweater, grab a candy cane (or something much stronger), and tune in for a holly-jolly re-gifted serving of The Shallow End. No matter how you celebrate, at least you’ll have this greatest hit to amuse you while Uncle Gary attempts his 47th retelling of “The Night Before Christmas.” Merry Reruns! If you would like to advertise on The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth, contact ⁠advertising@airwavemedia.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    32 mins
  • 187: The Guy Who Called 911 on Himself

    187: The Guy Who Called 911 on Himself
    Dec 17 2025
    What happens when a man calls 911 to report a wrong-way driver… and discovers he is the wrong-way driver? In this episode of The Shallow End, Schnebly and Tom share a jaw-dropping true story of drunk driving irony, a listener’s unforgettable fast-food bathroom disaster, and a late-night McDonald’s drive-thru in Florida that escalates from impatience to gunfire. Real stories. Bad decisions. Maximum shallow end. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    34 mins
  • 186: An Angry Parachute

    186: An Angry Parachute
    Dec 10 2025
    The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth is a wildly entertaining podcast that revels in people's absurd and often hilarious mistakes. In each episode, hosts Schnebly and Toth delve into true stories of misadventures and miscalculations, from everyday blunders to spectacular gaffes. With a keen eye for the funny side of human error, they explore how even the most straightforward decisions can spiral into comedic chaos. The show combines storytelling with witty banter, offering listeners a laugh and a gentle reminder of our shared imperfections. Whether it’s a failed science experiment or an office mishap, Schnebly and Toth are here to celebrate the humor in life’s Shallow End. If you would like to advertise on The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠advertising@airwavemedia.com⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    41 mins
  • 185: Murdered By Fruit

    185: Murdered By Fruit
    Dec 3 2025
    The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth is a wildly entertaining podcast that revels in people's absurd and often hilarious mistakes. In each episode, hosts Schnebly and Toth delve into true stories of misadventures and miscalculations, from everyday blunders to spectacular gaffes. With a keen eye for the funny side of human error, they explore how even the most straightforward decisions can spiral into comedic chaos. The show combines storytelling with witty banter, offering listeners a laugh and a gentle reminder of our shared imperfections. Whether it’s a failed science experiment or an office mishap, Schnebly and Toth are here to celebrate the humor in life’s Shallow End. If you would like to advertise on The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠advertising@airwavemedia.com⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    44 mins