Tom Cruise runs. Tom Cruise rips faces off. Tom Cruise would like you to know he is a normal human man with a perfectly centered tooth and no further questions at this time.

This week we accept our mission and immediately compromise it by talking too much. Let’s take a fresh look at Brian De Palma’s aggressively stylized spy reboot - Mission Impossible, a movie that invents modern blockbuster espionage while also insisting that every elevator in Eastern Europe is one bad day away from becoming a murder device. Anthony zeroes in on the franchise DNA, questioning whether Ethan Hunt has ever actually fired a gun, or if this is just Fast & Furious for people who can breathe through their noses. Elise remains deeply unconvinced by nearly everything on screen, especially the soft-focus glow applied exclusively to women, the sheer confidence of the plot, and the continued, unforgivable lack of Kurt Russell. And in case you had ANY doubts about what anyone means by 0400, Dan is back and has the answer.

From the cursed NOC list to face-rip-ception and a theme song in 5/4 because aliens apparently deserve something to dance to, this is a movie that commits hard. Don’t get any on you, trust no elevator, and remember: if someone says “abort,” they absolutely do not mean it.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117060/

It's the Christmas Episode!

(To the tune of The Christmas Song)

Penguins roasting in the sewer pipes, Black fish goop on Danny’s chin, Scary clowns with their guns all ablaze, and folks get thrown through high windows,

Everybody knows A Batmobile with jet exhaust Helps to make the season bright, Catwoman flips, cracks, and struts through the pain, Walken won't sleep well tonight

He knows that Batman’s on his way, He's loaded lots of neat new weapons that don't slay And every Gotham goon will stop and whine To see ask setting clowns on fire counts as "fine"

And so we’re offering this simple phrase from Burton back in ninety-two, Although it’s been said many times, many ways, It's a nightmare dressed in latex at the zoo

Clint Eastwood shows up, directs himself, scores his own movie, and lands every emotional punch. Million Dollar Baby steps into the ring with gloves off, and we regret to inform you that this week we actually take a movie seriously.

There’s a surprising amount of calm confidence in how this movie moves. Catholic guilt doing laps around a boxing gym, Hilary Swank quietly turning in an undeniable all-timer, and all signs pointing to a conclusion that Clint Eastwood may have never been wrong about anything in his life except maybe not having Ring Dudes between rounds.

So we joke, we curse, we opine about how great it must be to sound like Morgan Freeman. They’re just fighting uphill against a story that insists on being sad in a way that’s earned, not manipulative. What starts as a boxing drama slowly reveals itself as an existential gut punch that refuses to let us laugh our way out of it. Get your guard up and mouthpiece in, Eastwood's gonna wreck you.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0405159/