Episode Notes: "When Conflict Becomes Your Superpower"

What We Discussed Sam Bayer's AGENT framework for turning workplace conflict into collaboration, featuring an AI chatbot that coaches you through real conflicts in real-time.

Key Insights

• The four conflict styles: turtle (avoid), puppy (accommodate), lion (compete), collaboration
• Why three out of four approaches damage relationships over time
• "Conflict is actually an opportunity" - reframing difficult conversations
• The hardest step: empathizing with people who are pissing you off
• Interests vs. positions: focus on what people need, not what they're demanding
• Why documentation matters: "tomorrow everyone's going to forget"

Real Scenarios We Explored

• Engineering teams resisting AI adoption due to job security fears
• Colleagues who "play turtle" and shut down during conflict
• Board presidents refusing to collaborate due to ego concerns
• VP conflicts over product priorities (existing vs. new customers)
• Family dynamics when communication styles clash

The AGENT Framework

• Awareness: Choose your response instead of reacting emotionally
• Ground Yourself: Know your interests and your backup plan (BATNA)
• Empathize: Think more about them than yourself (hardest step)
• Negotiate: Focus on interests, not positions
• Tie It Together: Write down what you agreed to

AI Coaching Element

• Free chatbot available on ChatGPT (search "Sam Bayer")
• Trained on conflict resolution research and real scenarios
• Guides you through the framework step-by-step
• Validated by practitioners: "those are the exact steps we're taking"
• Limitations: can't replace human experience and judgment

Resources & Links

• WinWinAgent.org - Sam's website and resources
• Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument for assessment
• AgileRTP meetup community for ongoing discussions

Questions for Reflection

• Which animal are you in conflict? (turtle, puppy, lion, or collaborative?)
• What would change if you saw your next workplace conflict as an opportunity?
• How might documenting agreements prevent recurring conflicts in your team?

Practical Takeaways

• Try the free AI chatbot on your next workplace conflict
• Practice identifying interests vs. positions in disagreements
• Create safe spaces for conflict conversations by lowering emotional stakes
• Write down agreements to prevent "tomorrow everyone forgets"