If you have ADHD, chances are you've developed a deeply ingrained habit of apologizing — for being late, for forgetting, for talking too long, for existing in a way that feels like an inconvenience. In this episode, Nikki and Pete unpack why over-apologizing is so common in the ADHD experience and how rejection sensitive dysphoria fuels the cycle. They explore what happens on the receiving end when apologies become emotional labor for someone else, and why pre-apologizing can actually undermine your credibility and prevent others from having their own authentic reactions.

The conversation moves from apology into repair — a critical distinction. Where an apology is one-directional, repair is a two-party activity built on acknowledging impact, taking responsibility, and resetting the relationship. Nikki walks through the framework of acknowledge, repair, reset, and Pete shares a powerful lesson from his own therapist: your power ends with your skin. You get to own your part, but you don't get to own someone else's forgiveness timeline. They also dig into why self-compassion isn't optional — it's the foundation that makes real repair possible.

This episode also comes with a free downloadable resource: "Repair Scripts for Real Life: The ADHD Repair Guide," featuring five ready-to-use scripts for situations that come up for ADHDers every single week. Grab your copy Right Here!

Links & Notes

• Support the Show on Patreon
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast
• (00:57) - Looking for Membership?
• (02:56) - How to Repair without Over-Apologizing

Being called "low maintenance" feels like a win — until you realize the price you've been paying to earn it. In this episode, Pete and Nikki dig into why so many people with ADHD build their identity around not needing anything from anyone, and what happens when the bill comes due.

Pete defines maintenance as the information, time, supports, accommodations, and care that let you function without constant internal triage — and argues that nobody is maintenance free. Together they explore the privatized support behaviors that keep ADHDers silent: not asking for written instructions, not requesting deadline extensions while drowning, saying "whatever works for you" when you have strong preferences, and hiding the enormous effort required to look effortless.

The conversation introduces two low maintenance archetypes — the Ghost, who disappears when overwhelmed and returns like nothing happened, and the Fixer, who over-functions to become indispensable and then collapses. Pete and Nikki explore what both patterns cost: exhaustion, resentment, mystery anger, relationship distortion, and identity erosion.

This is an episode about learning to say "I matter" — two words that don't require a journaling practice or a checklist, just the courage to believe them. Plus, Nikki drops a powerful reframe: when you start asking for help, you open the door for others to do the same.

Download the Relearning Maintenance Worksheet that accompanies this episode right here!

Links & Notes

• Support the Show on Patreon
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast
• (00:56) - Support the Show on Patreon
• (02:21) - What does it mean when we say we're Low Maintenance?

This episode turns into a stealth self-care intervention when James Ochoa joins Pete and Nikki and immediately drags “motivation” out of the tidy, planner-friendly realm and into the messy, bodily reality of fear, avoidance, and chronic stress. They start with the familiar ADHD paradox—knowing exactly what to do and still not being able to do it—and James reframes that stuckness as normal rather than shameful, then introduces “resourcing” as the practical antidote: not a single trick, but layered supports (internal and external) that make motion possible even when meaning, willpower, and good intentions aren’t showing up.

From there, the conversation gets uncomfortably specific in the best way, as Pete uses a long-avoided dermatologist appointment to walk through what “functional pressure” and relationship-based accountability can look like in real time. They explore why the hardest part is often the moment before the call, why eight-out-of-ten certainty is a workable target, and how to build a personal “wind-making” kit—scripts, sensory cues, body movement, tiny rituals, and other anchors that help you cross the threshold from uncertainty to action. The live chat brings in real-world complications (sleep issues, pain, dental trauma, AuDHD scripting and emotion tagging), and James offers concrete, compassionate ways to get support without muscling through alone—because the point isn’t to never fall off the wagon, it’s to get better at restarting.

Links & Notes

• James Ochoa
• Focused Forward by James Ochoa
• Support the Show on Patreon
• Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

• (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast
• (03:25) - Introducing James Ochoa
• (04:08) - Finding Meaning
• (20:14) - Making Your Own Wind
• (35:28) - Chronic Stress and Adult ADHD
• (40:27) - Writing, Writing, Writing