What if the story you’ve been telling yourself about alcohol… isn’t actually true?

In the final part of this powerful 3-part conversation, licensed psychotherapist Merrilee Burke, LMFT, and I dive deep into identity, labels, shame, self-awareness, and the stories so many of us unconsciously carry about who we are when it comes to drinking.

Because so many women are walking around believing:
“I have an addictive personality.”
“I’ll never be someone who can just have one.”
“I’m just the party girl.”
“This is simply who I am.”

But what if those are learned identities… not permanent truths?

In this episode, we explore:

• Why labels can sometimes keep us stuck
• The problem with all-or-nothing thinking
• How identity shapes your drinking habits
• Why progress matters more than perfection
• The role shame plays in overdrinking
• How tracking can actually build empowerment instead of guilt
• Rewriting your story around alcohol, yourself, and your future

We also have a beautiful conversation around self-worth, nervous system safety, healing old conditioning, and what it really means to evolve as a person without abandoning who you used to be.

This episode is compassionate, honest, empowering, and such an important reminder that you are not broken — and you are not required to stay the same forever.

Drinking less isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about reconnecting with who you already are underneath the coping, conditioning, and shame.

Connect with Merrilee:
merrileeburke.com

If this series resonated with you, please share it with a friend, leave a review, or tag me on social. Your support helps more women realize they are not alone in this journey.

And don't forget: Drink on PURPOSE.

Want that support? Start the Drink Less RESET now!

Learn more at: https://www.shameover.me/

What if the hardest part about drinking less… isn’t actually the alcohol?

What if it’s the fear that life will become boring without it?

In Part 2 of this powerful conversation with licensed psychotherapist Merrilee Burke, LMFT, we dive into the emotional connection between alcohol, fun, identity, creativity, and play — especially for women who have spent years using wine as their “off switch” after constantly taking care of everyone else.

We unpack:

• Why alcohol becomes tied to fun, relaxation, and connection
• The surprising reason many women struggle to “just relax”
• How productivity culture disconnects us from play
• Why creativity and hobbies can help calm the nervous system
• The fear of changing socially when you start drinking less
• How to reconnect with yourself without becoming “boring”

We also talk about the very real identity shifts that happen when alcohol has been woven into your friendships, relationships, routines, and social life for years.

This episode is validating, eye-opening, and full of practical ways to start creating more joy, fun, and presence without relying on alcohol to create the experience for you.

Because the goal isn’t to become less fun.... It’s to stop needing alcohol to access the fun that was already inside of you.

This is Part 2 of a 3-part series.

Connect with Merrilee:
merrileeburke.com

If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend, leave a review, and make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss Part 3 — where we dive into labels, identity, addictive personalities, and rewriting your story around alcohol and yourself.

Need more support? Join my cohort starting June 1!

Learn more at https://www.ericamallery.com/group-coaching

In this powerful conversation, I sit down with licensed psychotherapist Merrilee Burke, LMFT, to unpack what’s really going on underneath overdrinking, urges, self-sabotage, and the “why can’t I just stop at one?” cycle.

Spoiler: it’s not because you’re weak, broken, or lacking willpower.

We dive into:

• Why “sober or bust” messaging keeps so many people stuck
• The truth about mindful drinking + moderation
• How rebellion and people-pleasing can show up in your drinking
• The surprising role childhood conditioning can play
• Why tracking your drinking is awareness — not punishment
• The simple mindset shifts that can completely change your relationship with alcohol

If you’ve ever felt frustrated because you KNOW you want to drink less… but part of you still keeps reaching for the wine anyway… this episode is for you.

This is Part 1 of a 3-part conversation.

Connect with Merrilee Burke, LMFT:
Website: merrileeburke.com

If this episode helped you, share it with a friend, leave a review, and make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss Part 2 next week — where we dive into alcohol, identity, fun, creativity, and why so many women feel like they forgot how to play without wine.

And remember:
You do not need more shame. You need support, awareness, and tools that actually work in real life.

Want that support? Join my cohort starting June 1!

Learn more at https://www.ericamallery.com/group-coaching

Most people don’t plan to overdrink… it just happens.

In this quick episode, I’m sharing a simple “code word” tool that helps you interrupt drinking in the moment — without willpower, shame, or feeling controlled.

• why overdrinking isn’t a willpower issue
• how your brain shifts after just a couple drinks
• what “autopilot drinking” actually is
• how to stay connected to your intentions in the moment
• the code word method and how it works
• why tone and delivery matter more than the word itself
• how to involve someone you trust (without feeling judged or controlled)
• how to interrupt the pattern without shame

This is exactly the kind of shift we go deeper into inside my reset — where we focus on understanding your habits, patterns, and what’s actually underneath your drinking so you can finally feel in control in a way that feels good and sustainable.

👉 Join the reset here.

***Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and reflects personal opinions and lived experience. It is not medical, mental health, or addiction treatment advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat any condition. Always consult with a qualified healthcare or mental health professional about your specific situation before making changes to your drinking, medications, or treatment.***

Welcome to Part 2 of this powerful conversation with depth psychotherapist and somatic practitioner Elani Engelken.

If Part 1 helped you understand why alcohol can become a form of regulation, this episode takes it a step further. We get into the deeper healing work: intuition, dissociation, freeze states, trauma responses, self-sabotage, and why your behavior is not the same thing as your identity.

This is the kind of conversation that makes you stop and go,
“Wait… that explains so much.”

We talk about why so many of us stay disconnected from our bodies, how old survival patterns can quietly run the show, and what it actually takes to heal without shaming yourself in the process.

If you’ve ever wondered why you keep repeating patterns even when you know better — this episode is for you.

• how intuition shows up in the body
• trauma responses like fight, flight, fawn, and freeze
• what dissociation can look like in everyday life
• why some people live in a “functional freeze” state
• how healing happens when safety is finally present
• why self-sabotage is often a symptom, not the real issue
• how unresolved pain can show up through chaos, drinking, and repeated patterns
• the power of reparenting, support, and being deeply seen
• why the right healing path should both challenge you and speak to you

Your behavior is not who you are.
It’s often the clue pointing to the part of you that needs care, support, and healing.

Elani Engelken is a depth psychotherapist and somatic healer whose work sits at the intersection of nervous system science, depth psychology, and embodied healing. She works with individuals, couples, families, and groups to explore the patterns that live beneath the surface, in the body, in the lineage, and in relationship. She is particularly drawn to the places where psychology and the sacred meet.

Learn more at elaninicole.com or check out her podcast A Little Bit Psychic

🚀 READY TO ACTUALLY CHANGE YOUR DRINKING?

This is exactly why I created my Drinking Reset — to help you get back to the basics, understand your patterns, and uncover what’s really driving your habits.

Not a sobriety program.
Not restriction.

Just real awareness, real tools, and real change.

👉 Join the reset here.

***Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and reflects personal opinions and lived experience. It is not medical, mental health, or addiction treatment advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat any condition. Always consult with a qualified healthcare or mental health professional about your specific situation before making changes to your drinking, medications, or treatment.***

What if alcohol isn’t actually the problem… but the support system you’ve been relying on when real support is missing?

In Part 1 of this conversation, I sit down with depth psychotherapist and somatic practitioner Elani Engelken to talk about what somatic healing actually is, why so many women use alcohol as a shut-off valve, and how motherhood, overwhelm, and nervous system dysregulation all play a much bigger role than most people realize.

This episode goes way beyond “just drink less.” We get into the deeper why behind drinking, especially for women and moms who are carrying a lot, giving a lot, and often don’t have enough support themselves.

If you’ve ever felt like that evening drink is the first time all day you get to exhale… this conversation is going to hit.

• what somatic work actually means and why it’s become such a buzzword
• the difference between top-down healing and body-based healing
• why so many women use alcohol to “shut off”
• how alcohol can become a stand-in for support, soothing, and regulation
• the role of motherhood, caregiving, and overwhelm in drinking habits
• why co-regulation matters so much more than we’ve been taught
• how Western culture disconnects us from our bodies
• why community can be one of the most healing parts of the journey

Alcohol often isn’t just about the alcohol.
For so many women, it has become the support system where support is lacking everywhere else.

Elani Engelken is a depth psychotherapist and somatic healer whose work sits at the intersection of nervous system science, depth psychology, and embodied healing. She works with individuals, couples, families, and groups to explore the patterns that live beneath the surface, in the body, in the lineage, and in relationship. She is particularly drawn to the places where psychology and the sacred meet.

Learn more at elaninicole.com or check out her podcast A Little Bit Psychic

🚀 READY TO ACTUALLY CHANGE YOUR DRINKING?

This is exactly why I created my Drinking Reset — to help you get back to the basics, understand your patterns, and uncover what’s really driving your habits.

Not a sobriety program.
Not restriction.

Just real awareness, real tools, and real change.

👉 Join the reset here.

***Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and reflects personal opinions and lived experience. It is not medical, mental health, or addiction treatment advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat any condition. Always consult with a qualified healthcare or mental health professional about your specific situation before making changes to your drinking, medications, or treatment.***

Ever felt like you turn into a version of yourself you don’t even recognize after a few drinks?

Maybe more reactive… more emotional… more combative… or just not you anymore?

You’re not alone — and you’re not broken.

In this episode, I’m breaking down what’s actually happening when alcohol starts to shift your personality… and why it’s not random.

Because here’s the truth:
Alcohol isn’t creating the problem — it’s exposing what hasn’t been processed.

We dive into:

• Why your personality can change after “just a few”
• What’s really happening in your brain when your “off switch” disappears
• The hidden buildup of unprocessed emotions (and where they go)
• Why so many women feel pressure to “keep it together” — and how that backfires
• The connection between overgiving, depletion, and drinking
• How alcohol becomes a form of self-soothing (but not real regulation)
• The powerful shift from “what’s wrong with me?” → “what do I actually need?”

And one of the most important takeaways:
You’re not overreacting… you’re under-expressing.

This episode is your invitation to get curious about what’s underneath your drinking — without shame, judgment, or extremes.

This is exactly why I created my Drinking Reset — to help you get back to the basics, understand your patterns, and uncover what’s really driving your habits.

Not a sobriety program.
Not restriction.

Just real awareness, real tools, and real change.

👉 Join the reset here: https://stan.store/ShameOver/p/drink-less-reset-with-erica

***Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and reflects personal opinions and lived experience. It is not medical, mental health, or addiction treatment advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat any condition. Always consult with a qualified healthcare or mental health professional about your specific situation before making changes to your drinking, medications, or treatment.***

If you’ve been feeling off lately… disconnected, unmotivated, or just not like yourself—this episode is for you.

In this raw and unfiltered conversation, I’m sharing what’s been going on behind the scenes, including the recent loss in my family, navigating grief, and what happens when you can’t access your emotions the way you expect to.

I am talking about:

• Why emotions come in waves (and sometimes hit out of nowhere)
• The surprising ways your body holds onto stress, grief, and unprocessed feelings
• What happens when you use alcohol to cope (and why it actually prolongs the pain)
• How to start feeling your emotions instead of avoiding them
• Simple ways to regulate your nervous system and reconnect with yourself

This is your reminder that:
You don’t have to be “strong” for everyone else.
You don’t have to numb your way through hard seasons.
And you are allowed to not be okay.

Because drinking less isn’t about willpower… it’s about healing what’s underneath.

If this resonates, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you’re ready to start changing your relationship with alcohol in a way that actually feels good, you know where to find me.

Don't forget to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode!

If you’re ready to:

• Drink less without giving it up entirely
• Break the all-or-nothing cycle
• Regulate your nervous system
• Build confidence without alcohol

Come join me inside ShameOver. Go to shameover.me to get started today.

***Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and reflects personal opinions and lived experience. It is not medical, mental health, or addiction treatment advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat any condition. Always consult with a qualified healthcare or mental health professional about your specific situation before making changes to your drinking, medications, or treatment.***