Have you ever done all the work, read all the books, understood your attachment style, and then gotten into a relationship and found yourself right back in the same patterns?

That's where Lizzy was when she found me. Painfully self-aware, years of therapy under her belt, and still getting activated in ways she couldn't shift in the moment. In this episode, I'm bringing a former client onto the podcast for the first time to share her story, her experience of our work together, and what actually allowed her to create change.

This episode is for anyone who knows their attachment style, understands where it came from, and still feels like their nervous system takes over the moment relationships start to deepen.

In this episode:

• Why insight alone is often not enough to shift deep relational patterns
• What somatic parts work actually looks like in practice, through Lizzy's real experience
• The "not enough" wound, where it comes from, and how it shows up in dating
• How to tell the difference between your own projection and genuine incompatibility
• What it feels like when grief actually metabolizes from your body rather than just being managed

Key takeaways:

• You can't do all your healing alone. Some wounds only reveal themselves in relationship
• Triggers are not the enemy. They're a roadmap back to the parts of you still needing tending
• Worthiness isn't just a belief. It's something that has to shift in your body to change how you show up in relationships.
• The goal isn't a perfectly calm, regulated nervous system. It's a flexible one

Reflection question: What if your triggers weren't evidence that something is wrong, but a roadmap back to the parts of you that are asking for your attention?

Connect with Lizzy

IG: @lizzyfromtheblock__

Connect with Lindsey
www.lindseybournecoaching.com

Waitlist for my mini-course, How to Actually Move Through the Power Struggle https://forms.gle/PifhFf8DxwFSvAv28

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and/or leave a review to help the podcast reach more listeners! <3

What if the grief you've been carrying in your head could only be released through your body?

What if the relationship that collapsed was actually the thing that brought you back to yourself?

What if reinvention isn't something you plan, but something your body leads you toward when you finally stop running from the pain?

In this episode I'm joined by Helen Phelan, founder of Helen Phelan Studio. Helen and I went to college together, but ended up on opposite sides of the country. What started as following her movement work on Instagram turned into watching someone navigate divorce, identity collapse, and a full creative and professional reinvention in real time, and sharing all of it with radical honesty and so much realness.

This conversation goes deep on what happens when your whole sense of self was wrapped up in a relationship, and what it takes to find your way back to who you actually are.

In this episode:

• How disordered eating and a dance career shaped Helen's relationship to her body and eventually led to her intuitive movement framework
• What intuitive exercise actually means and why pleasure is a more sustainable motivator than punishment
• Movement as a creative practice and pathway to flow state
• The identity collapse that followed the end of her marriage and what the rock bottom period actually looked like
• Why her female friendships saved her and what that taught her about where she'd been placing her sense of worth
• The role of somatic release, EMDR, and daily improv in processing grief that words couldn't reach
• The difference between circling around grief intellectually and actually releasing it from your body

Key takeaways:

• Grief that stays in the head doesn't fully process. The body has to be part of it
• The relationship ending wasn't the loss - staying would have meant continuing to lose herself
• How female friendships are just as, if not more important, than romantic love
• Movement doesn't have to be punishment. The more pleasurable you make it, the more consistent you'll be

Reflection question from this episode: Where in your life have you been trying to think your way through something your body is actually asking you to feel?

Where to find Helen:
helenphelanstudio.com
Instagram: @helenvphelan
Substack: Well Hell by Helen Phelan Studio

Free Friday Pilates Zoom class: available to Helen Phelan Studio members and Substack subscribers, Fridays at 12pm ET

Connect with Lindsey
www.lindseybournecoaching.com

Waitlist for my mini-course, How to Actually Move Through the Power Struggle https://forms.gle/PifhFf8DxwFSvAv28

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and/or leave a review to help the podcast reach more listeners! <3

What if the very thing you want to fix about your partner is actually the thing you're meant to heal in yourself?

What if the urge to control, fix, or chase reassurance from your partner isn't about them at all?

What if your partner isn't the problem, and isn't the solution either, but the mirror?

In this follow-up solo episode, I'm picking up where last week's power struggle episode left off. If that episode helped you understand why the power struggle happens, this one is about what to actually do with it. Because naming the phase isn't enough. The real work is learning how to use the triggers, the activation, and the conflict as a doorway back to your own healing, rather than evidence about your partner or your relationship.

This episode is for you if you listened to last week and thought, okay, but now what? It's also for anyone who finds themselves constantly trying to get their partner to change, to validate them, to text back faster, to be more reassuring, to just be different, so that they can finally feel okay.

I'm walking through the exact reflection process I use with clients to help them metabolize old wounds instead of just managing them, plus a real client story about a "not enough" wound that almost convinced her to leave the right relationship.

In this episode:

• Why this episode focuses on your individual healing, not on changing the dynamic with your partner
• The U-turn back to self: what it actually means to stop outsourcing your safety to someone else
• Why relationships don't heal us by touching our wounds, they heal us by revealing them
• How to tell the difference between your old wounding and a partner who genuinely isn't showing up for you
• A real client story: the "not enough" wound that almost ended the right relationship
• The fork in the road: what happens when you project a trigger outward versus turn it inward
• Six reflection questions to find the root of any trigger, from body sensation to the belief underneath it
• Why metabolizing an emotion is different from managing it, and why healing isn't about making the feeling go away

Key takeaways:

• Not every trigger is about your partner, but not every trigger is only about your past either. Discernment requires doing your own work first
• You can't accurately assess your relationship from an activated, younger part of yourself
• Healing happens by feeling, not by avoiding. The goal isn't a calm nervous system, it's a flexible one
• Every defense mechanism, blame, control, scrolling, reassurance-seeking, is an attempt to avoid feeling something underneath it
• The goal isn't to stop getting triggered. It's to learn how to meet your triggers differently

Reflection question from this episode: Next time you're triggered, can you find where it lives in your body, and ask what part of you is actually activated before deciding what it means about your relationship?

Connect with Lindsey
www.lindseybournecoaching.com

Waitlist for my mini-course, How to Actually Move Through the Power Struggle https://forms.gle/PifhFf8DxwFSvAv28

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and/or leave a review to help the podcast reach more listeners! <3