My guest today is Leila Ainge - an accredited psychologist with 20 years of cross industry business consulting experience. Leila’s research focuses on how entrepreneurs experience imposter phenomenon - but is relevant for all of us! She’s also the host of the Psychologically Speaking podcast which is currently exploring various experiences of imposter phenomenon.

We start by delving into why Leila prefers to talk about imposter phenomenon or imposter feelings, rather than imposter syndrome and review the origins of the term ‘imposter’ in this context. We move on to how Leila approaches and interrogates her own imposter feelings, when they arise - beginning with her first imposter experience with a small baby in the NICU and then fairly soon after, the arrival of anxiety in perimenopause.

Leila’s advice on managing imposter feelings includes: interrogate your current surroundings and context - who are you around at that moment? What’s different? What is this environment giving or not giving you? What else is going on for you?

It’s easy to feel like you’ll always feel like this, but actually imposter is a transient feeling…it comes and goes.

We talk about social comparison and context collapse, particularly in the technology and online sphere, and the problems that stem from the speed at which we adopt technology - we don’t have the ground rules! We also touch on navigating online spaces with the myriad individuals and relationships to factor in - and how a lack of objectivity can cause us to struggle.

Often in online spaces there is a bit of ‘shiny new thing’ syndrome!

We discuss the importance of establishing boundaries around how we use online spaces and compare the experiences of using LinkedIn and Instagram - should we be putting more responsibility back on to platform providers?

We move on to the positive side of comparison for women in business - finding ‘pockets of belonging’ where we can be authentic and gain objectivity.

We wrap up by looking at the topic of Leila’s PhD: ‘what do we get out of being online?’ - and I ask Leila what it’s like to start a PhD in later life!

I do hope you enjoy this episode as much as I enjoyed chatting to Leila - who is a friend as well as an interviewee! You can find Leila and her brilliant podcast at https://www.leilaainge.co.uk/

If you enjoy the podcast and would like to help me keep it running (on a shoestring!) please consider buying me a ‘virtual coffee’ at Ko-fi.com/middlingalong - or you can support me in a non-monetary way by sharing this episode, or writing a short review online!

If your workplace wants to become more ‘menopause friendly’ then please let them know about the work I do at http://www.managingthemenopause.com

You can also find me over on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/middlingalong_podcast/ and https://www.instagram.com/managingthemenopause

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We’re delighted to be listed as one of the Top 25 podcasts for midlife and menopause here: https://www.lattelounge.co.uk/podcasts-about-the-menopause/

I’m incredibly happy to be introducing you this time to Emerald May - Emerald is an international Embodied Sex, Intimacy & Breathwork Coach. Her passion and mission is to support women and parents to live a more authentic, connected and pleasure-filled life, whilst raising the next generation. I had the pleasure of working with Emerald as a client a few years ago (to be fully transparent), and I can honestly say it was quite an unexpectedly transformative experience.

If you’ve ever wondered what an ‘intimacy coach’ actually does - well now’s your chance to find out! In this warm and wide-ranging interview we cover topics including:

• patterns of disconnect and waning of desire in longer term relationships;
• how little we are taught when we are growing up around expressing our desires (especially if socialized as female), and how Emerald works to provide the skills, tools, and language for us to manage our emotions and express those desires - and boundaries;
• new relationships in midlife are a chance to avoid repeating same patterns and mistakes and learn about our needs (and see the link below to the work of Dr. Evelin Molina Dacker and the STARS Talk Emerald refers to here);
• sex and intimacy doesn’t happen in a vacuum - all relationships take work, even the one we have with ourselves, and it’s easy to fall into not prioritizing intimacy, especially if we happen to have children around the house!;
• different tools and techniques that Emerald uses, including the Wheel of Consent, the Three Minute Game, the Yes/No/Maybe Game, and Waking the Hands (and listen to this part to learn the term ‘desire smuggling’ and what it means!);
• spontaneous desire - and why scheduling time for intimacy is essential.

I hope you enjoy this episode, if you want to find out more about working with Emerald you can find her at http://www.rootedpleasure.com

Here are some of the resources mentioned in this episode:

Wheel of Consent: https://bettymartin.org/category/wheel-of-consent/

STARS Talk: https://www.maketimeforthetalk.com/

Emily Nagosaki - Come Together https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/712001/come-together-by-emily-nagoski-phd/

Cyndi Darnell - Sex When you Don’t Feel Like It - https://rowman.com/ISBN/9781538161708/Sex-When-You-Don%27t-Feel-Like-It-The-Truth-about-Mismatched-Libido-and-Rediscovering-Desire

You can also find us over on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/middlingalong_podcast/

Join our newsletter, The Messy Middle, for fortnightly(ish) goodness into your Inbox: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/323784/90772270045202190/share

We’re delighted to be listed as one of the Top 25 podcasts for midlife and menopause here: https://www.lattelounge.co.uk/podcasts-about-the-menopause/

Don’t forget to subscribe - and please do write a review which is so vitally important to help others find the podcast too!

You can also find me at https://www.instagram.com/managingthemenopause or at www.managingthemenopause.com where we offer 1-1 coaching and workplace training.

Get our free 'Guide to your GP appointment' at https://www.managingthemenopause.com/free-resources

The biology nerd in me is so happy about this one! Joining me this time is Professor Jack Gilbert from the University of California San Diego: in 2023 he gave the Annual Lecture at the British Menopause Society conference, which is how his work came to my attention (via our Managing the Menopause Clinical Lead - also my sister-in-law - Dr Beth Thomas).

In the course of this wide-ranging conversation that focuses on our gut microbiome we cover:

• why understanding the interaction of our sex hormones with the microbiome is a burgeoning area of science and how everything in the body is connected in series of complex feedback cycles;
• The key role of decreasing oestrogen in inflammation: leading to depression, anxiety, aches and pains, and gastrointestinal issues;
• How our microbiome changes pre- to post-menopause (post-menopause the female microbiome tends to look much more like it would in men);
• The important of butyrate and why a healthy gut barrier is so important;
• Why we should consider ‘priming’ the body to consume fibre with fermented foods;
• The long-term chronic health implications of not getting enough dietary fibre, which are often not felt immediately but accumulate over decades;
• How fecal transplants are being used to repopulate the gut microbiome - early studies have shown promise in menopause symptom treatment but more research is needed;
• That HRT appears to ‘rescue’ gut dysbiosis (reduce inflammatory bacteria, more balanced microbiome);
• The Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal (HPA) axis (aka how your body senses stress): - cortisol keeps you alert and anxious, but the system can be hijacked by inflammatory bacteria, neuroinflammation triggers the HPA axis causing elevated anxiety, i.e. there is no reason to be anxious but the body is on high alert;
• Why acetominophen (paracetamol) can cause liver cirrhosis with excessive consumption in certain people;
• How antibiotics wipe out other useful bugs that keep resistant strains under check, and how ‘problem’ strains thrive on high sugar and high saturated fat (and why your diet in the run up to an operation could make a huge difference);
• Exposure to microbes in nature and the potential impacts of bacteria in soil that have an antidepressant effect;
• ‘Gut feelings’: how the state of our gut can impact our decision-making abilities, and that changes in microbiome can impact how hungry we are, our propensity to snack, and even our choice choice of snacks…eg sugar cravings;
• How 80% of serotonin is made in gut, but that it is actually a serotonin precursor that can pass out of the gut into the body to then be made into serotonin by other cells - although the relationships between levels of serotonin in the gut and the brain is not currently understood.

Listen to the end to find out about the research study that Professor Gilbert would most like to run if he had no constraints!

You can find our more about Professor Jack Gilbert’s work at:

https://gilbertlab.ucsd.edu/

You can also find us over on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/middlingalong_podcast/ and you can listen to past episodes at https://middlingalong.com

Join our newsletter, The Messy Middle, for fortnightly goodness into your Inbox: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/323784/90772270045202190/share

We’re delighted to be listed as one of the Top 25 podcasts for midlife and menopause here: https://www.lattelounge.co.uk/podcasts-about-the-menopause/

It would mean so much if you’d subscribe, rate, and review us to share the love and help others find the podcast too!

You can also find me at https://www.instagram.com/managingthemenopause or at www.managingthemenopause.com where we offer 1-1 coaching and workplace training.

Get our free 'Guide to your GP appointment' at https://www.managingthemenopause.com/free-resources