5 Steps to stop this cycle

1. You have to become an observer of your thoughts and feelings. What thoughts are you thinking, how do they make you feel?
2. You have to grow your capacity to feel the intense emotions without taking action. This looks like naming the feeling in your body, where does it sit, how does it feel, while acknowledging how uncomfortable it is to sit with these feelings.
3. You have to grow your capacity to feel the urgency to react and know that you are already safe and you can process these emotions before you react. This looks like practicing thoughts of “I am safe right now, my anxious attachment is triggered but I am safe, I feel the urgency and I do not have to do anything yet”
4. You have to learn how to feel urgency and decide to pause
5. You have to learn to give yourself compassion and love in this exact moment. This looks like acknowledging your anxious attachment has been triggered, validating your feelings because they are real for you right now in this moment and still deciding to pause and feel them. Creating safety with yourself. Letting yourself know that you are capable of feeling these overwhelming emotions and creating trust with yourself.

Our brain likes things that are familiar, that “Feel” safe- things that it already knows. So no matter what your goal, or dream is- if it is something “new” or “different” your brain is going to have a hard time adapting to it and it is NORMAL. Do not take this resistance as a signal to stop or that this is not for you- take this brain resistance as part of the process of doing and learning new things. Even things that aren’t necessarily good for us- but are familiar our brian will prefer- which shows you that not all fear is logical- not all fear is in our best interest. Fear of a bear is important, fear that rises from within late at night as you walk- these could be helpful fear that “keep you safe”But fear of failure, fear of being seen, and fear of rejection, fear that really comes from a place of insecurity and doubt- these fears are not fears that should stop you or hold you back. These fears need to be questioned and challenged.These fears are just brain wirings that need to be rewired, these fears are where are brain needs to grow in its capacity to feel hard and uncomfortable feelings and most importantly our brain needs to learn that even though we feel this way WE are still going to show up, and go after our dreams and our goals.Remember that it is a decision, we get to decide what we do when we feel this fear. Do we listen to it and decide to buffer through it and not show up. Do we ignore it and decide to make it mean that these dreams/goals are not for us. Or do we decide that we want these goals, dreams AND we comfort our body and these fears come up. These fears are going to come up because these insecure thoughts and doubts are going to come up.Just because these fears are here does not mean that your insecurities or doubts are FACT. aka true… it just means your brain already processed those thoughts and now you have these feelings.It is learning to challenge and question these doubts and insecurities instead of believing them. It is deciding to believe in yourself on purpose over and over again. It is believing that starting over again and again still gets you closer to success than giving up. It is knowing that this process, this journey is not going to be easy and without fear. It is truly knowing that giving into fear will keep you stuck. Giving into fear will keep you from all the things that you want in life. Giving into your insecurities will keep you small and safe, but at the cost of your dreams, your desires.So we get to decide if the cost is worth the prize/consolation. Is showing up when you are fearful over and over again worth getting your dream or accomplishing that goal? If you KNEW without a doubt that your dream was on the other side of this fear would you give into the fear and believe your doubts or would you walk with the fear and question your doubts?