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Another favorite song by Passion. Being born in Mykokaiv, Ukraine and my adopted parents brought me over to the United States Of America. Everything happened for a reason, this is where my story started and I will never forget where it all started for me. A story I was told, these two women had a jar of peanut butter, lettuce and water . The next year they only had lettuce and water . When my parents adopted me they had two large jars of peanut butter and they gave them those two jars. This story has stuck with me . I came from nothing and I will never forget my roots. I will always remember where it all started. Everything happens for a reason . I wanted to write my story, and share it, I have flaws, but at least I learned to be a better person and I also learned to not carry the guilt and shame of my past mistakes and put it Gods hands.

Being bullied or harassed when you are a kid, teenager or even an adult. Nothing changes about the bully, it’s either out of envy or jealousy. You are not hurting me, you only hurt yourself. Digging a hole that you can’t get out of but you blame everyone else for your own actions instead of taking accountability. Cheating your way through school or copying someone else just shows you have no personality. Tell me something girl, even through the pain and heartache. You never treated the ones who hurt you the same way. You did stand up for yourself. They are angry now because they have a criminal record and they can’t handle the consequences of their actions. They are only sorry because they got caught. While you are living in misery and still playing the victim, many of us have healed but will never forget the pain you put us through. Your lies will always come to light. What you try to hide will always come to light. Now that you have a track record, was it really worth it in the end to destroy your life over lies and hate? You have no one to blame but yourself. Once a bridge is burned you can no longer fix it or come back. Many of us will forgive ourselves but not you, because you will take it as a victory. It’s okay to not forgive them but you do need to forgive yourself. You matter in the end and it’s time to put yourself first.

Trying to destroy my engagement and wedding day, now you have no connection to me anymore. Throwing a tantrum without giving me the chance to explain why everything happened the way it did. You just chose to jump to conclusions instead. My only real peace was leaving you in my past. Our relationship was good until I was thirteen. That’s when everything change, that’s when you switched. A hole in my heart that will never be stitched up. The only peace was finding the one and the family who connected with my dad, his family and my three brothers. I would never mention you ever again or have anything to do with you. Don’t ever ask my brothers what I am doing or up too, you chose to leave. The happiest day turned into the saddest day of my life, but at least everyone else had common sense. You did give me the tools to survive and we did have good moments plus memories, I won’t deny that, but this is too far. The white dress that was stained when my heart shattered from that particular day, was healed by the ones who understood what was going on.

Does your relatives know you broke the law? You violated my privacy and rights? You also violated HIPPA? You broke my confidentiality to a whole place and no I won't put this down. You chose to run your mouth and share things that I didn't give you permission to share. You wanted to be a doctor? You would do this to someone else? You can move on and act like nothing ever happened, but the guilt will soon follow. When You're Relatives Read this, you are not innocent or the victim that you claim to be. You are someone who likes to hurt others and use their pain as gain because you were a supervisor not just an everyday person that you claim to be.

I’ll rise from ashes, I always have. God found me, in my darkest moment. I’m not afraid of fire, when my whole world was on fire. Being sexually, mentally, physically and verbally abused by someone two weeks before I was thirteen. I wasn’t related to this person and I never blamed my parents, but I was still blamed for it. Being baptized six months after this, the guilt was eating me alive. A lifetime will never heal the pain, when the flashbacks come back when I least expect it. No one speaks up about the “survivals guilt” because we are never taken seriously or it’s just for sympathy, so we choose to suffer in silence instead. This type of trauma is a form of ptsd and can trigger Fibromyalgia. My life is more peaceful but it doesn’t mean that the damage doesn’t remain. I chose to share my life to be a survivals guide to help others.

ME/CFS, Fibromyalgia, Endomentrosis, the list goes on, there days I run out of faith. Many battles I didn’t choose, I was given. Disappearing was what I did best, no replying and being distant was what I did best. The holidays became a painful part of my life. Things I once enjoyed, I didn’t enjoy anymore. The toughest part was that no one understood. Either being dizzy, cold or hot or hot or cold, being stiff all over or in a lot of pain, many thought it was for show or sympathy when I been dealing with this for years. The grief of not only losing who I use to be and what I could use to do, also loosing the ones close to you was life changing. Experiencing many deaths that you never saw coming, your whole world flipped upside down. “It is what it is” If you don’t have haters then you aren’t doing something right. The anchor was going within in me to anchor myself with the chaos and many battles I faced. The survivor of strength, a warrior and a Phoenix.

I am allowed to still hurt, and share my side. I'm sharing my side to help others so you can't put another innocent person through this ever again. This will stay with me for a lifetime. The siring pain will sting, but at least I am in a better place. I never want to see your face again or appear on my social media. We will never be friends. Once a stranger will always be a stranger to me. You have no connection or control over me. Don't show up where I’m at. I will report you and walk away. You don't scare me. But you don't have the right to show up when everything has calmed down or act like never ever happened. When you know good and well that it did.