Summary

In this deeply personal solo episode, Ben shares the unfiltered story of his relationship with desire, intimacy, addiction and faith, and the long road that followed. From early experiences of wanting to be wanted, through chaotic relationships, substance abuse and the shame that came with it, he reflects on how a relentless hunger for attention quietly shaped his life and nearly destroyed what mattered most.

Ben speaks honestly about the collapse of a long relationship, the years of drugs and distraction that followed, and the moment he realised that believing you need something can drive you to sacrifice everything for it. Along the way, he explores the unexpected turning points, meeting Kerry, becoming a father, losing everything financially, and slowly learning how to sit with pain rather than run from it.

The episode traces a spiritual and psychological awakening, from men’s work and grief rituals to a profound moment of inner reckoning that brought self-forgiveness, peace and a new way of seeing himself. This is not a story of arrival, but of honesty, humility and ongoing work.

If you’ve ever tried to fill an inner emptiness with sex, success, substances, spirituality or approval, this conversation is for you.

Our Resources:
My Website: https://www.thedamngoodlistener.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thedamngoodlistener/
Linkedin: benjaminleppier

Links etc:
Link for intelligent change https://www.intelligentchange.com/?rfsn=8339894.e05f4e7&utm_source=refersion&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=8339894.e05f4e7

Use discount code: DAMNGOODLISTENER for 10% discount

If you enjoyed this episode why not buy Ben (or Kerry) a coffee, all donations, small or great, are gratefully received:
https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/headtohearttransform

When Love listens buy it now - http://bit.ly/4ptPpxm

What if the breakdown in your marriage wasn’t the end—but the beginning of something deeper, stronger, and far more honest than anything you’ve had before?

When Love Listens: The Marriage Book You Never Got (But Definitely Needed) is a lifeline for couples who are exhausted from trying, fed up with feeling unseen, and quietly terrified that their relationship is slipping through their fingers. This isn’t another surface-level self-help book full of vague advice and tidy clichés. This is the real thing—raw, compassionate, and relentlessly practical.

Marriage coach Ben Leppier brings over a decade of in-the-trenches experience to this book. He’s worked with hundreds of couples and seen it all: the stonewalling, the sexless months (or years), the parenting battles, the resentment that builds like plaque in your emotional arteries. He’s sat with people in their ugliest moments—and helped them find the courage to love differently.

This book is not about fixing your partner. It’s about understanding the patterns, pain points, and survival strategies that silently sabotage connection. It’s about learning the difference between listening to defend and listening to understand. It’s about responsibility—not as blame, but as power. It’s about growing up emotionally, without losing the messy, beautiful vulnerability that intimacy requires.

You’ll find:

• 
  Stories of real couples navigating real chaos—with honesty, heartbreak, and hope
• 
  Tools to stop circular arguments and actually move forward
• 
  Deep dives into the emotional dynamics underneath money fights, sexual disconnection, and parenting pressure
• 
  Insight into identity, ego, childhood wounds, and how they show up in adult love
• 
  A powerful section on the Enneagram to help you understand yourself—and your partner—like never before

You won’t find neat formulas or false promises. Instead, you’ll find clarity, courage, and a roadmap that helps you recover the love you thought was lost—and build something more meaningful in its place.

Whether you’re the one doing all the emotional heavy lifting, or the one who’s finally ready to show up differently, When Love Listens meets you where you are and calls you forward. It’s a book that doesn’t sugar-coat the truth, but holds your hand through it.

If you’re done with shallow fixes, and ready for deep repair—this is your book.

Ben’s approach is deeply informed by the likes of Brene Brown, Richard Rohr, Byron Katie, and the Enneagram framework—but it’s not theoretical. It’s gritty, grounded, and forged in the crucible of real-life relationship struggle. He doesn’t write from an ivory tower; he writes as someone who’s made his own mistakes, learned the hard way, and walked the long road back to connection in his own marriage.

When Love Listens isn’t just a book—it’s a mirror, a flashlight, and a map. A mirror to see your part more clearly, a flashlight to illuminate what’s really going on beneath the surface, and a map to help you move forward with intention and love. You’ll laugh, cry, feel seen—and, most importantly, start to believe that healing is possible.

If you’ve ever sat across the room from someone you used to feel so close to and wondered, “How did we get here?”—this book will help you answer that. And if there’s still

Our Resources:
My Website: https://www.thedamngoodlistener.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thedamngoodlistener/
Linkedin: benjaminleppier

Links etc:
Link for intelligent change https://www.intelligentchange.com/?rfsn=8339894.e05f4e7&utm_source=refersion&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=8339894.e05f4e7

Use discount code: DAMNGOODLISTENER for 10% discount

If you enjoyed this episode why not buy Ben (or Kerry) a coffee, all donations, small or great, are gratefully received:
https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/headtohearttransform

Todays Q&A Content:

1 - My husband constantly gets angry around the kids. I hate it and, honestly, it intimidates me. What can we do?

Anger is really unpleasant to be around, it says a number of things

I don't care about you only me

It can feel threatening like you might be physically hurt

When someone is angry at you, it's hard to see anything other than what they might do to you. Unless its your children, then you might determine, this is awful, what are they going to d to themselves, then we jump into the pain pit of 'I am a terrible parent'

Well you are the kind of person listening to this so that helps

The angry people who really need to hear this will not be seeking it because they don't even know they need it,m they haven't even woken up yet

One thing for sure, is that there is always some untreated hurt underneath the anger

You get what you need first

Partner second - see them clearly before you can help them

Kids 3rd

There may be previous life events that they are still carrying from back in primary school they might be having a tough time at work and feeling like they aren't providing, if you haven't had sex in a while and haven't spoken about it, they might be feeling unattractive and distant from you physically. There are a multitude of reasons

2 - Every time I try to bring something up, it turns into an argument. How do we break that cycle?

You're saying I need you to love me, he says I need you to love me, then you say No No NO, you aren't listening again you need to listen to me!

Timing, timing, timing.

If he just walks in the door and barks at the kids - that is not the time to bark at him. I am not saying that his anger is acceptable, merely helping you find an effective time TO communicate with him

So get the kids down to bed, let him know after dinner that you would really like to talk about X & Y for 30 minutes after the kids are down. If he is really not in a good place you either scrap it that night or tell him, do whatever you like to relax until I come down then we can talk.

Know that whatever you say, he will have a counter argument and believe that what you have to say is unfair or unjust, he can't help it. You have a long way to go but this is a great start. In other words once you have told him what you want he will also want to tell you what he wants to change and that's alright.

You do get to say - Can we talk about what you want tomorrow, if you are just not in that place.

As calmly as you can suggest checking in again same time next week to see how we're doing with it - this is an accountability issue as much as it is a behavioural issue

3 - I am afraid of my wife - she wants everything perfect all of the time and if I am not on point 100% of the time, then its hell

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