How play, science, and grief come together to create unexpected community

Some freaks show up in obvious places.

Labs. Universities. Gaming consoles.

And then there are the freaks who live at the intersections — where research meets play, grief meets creativity, and community forms in unexpected ways.

In this episode of Find Your Freaks, Tonya Kubo sits down with philosopher, cognitive scientist, and systems thinker Jeff Yoshimi, a professor at University of California, Merced, to explore how video games and citizen science can do more than entertain — they can save lives.

Jeff’s book Gaming Cancer was born out of personal loss, professional curiosity, and a refusal to accept helplessness as the final answer. After cancer touched his family in devastating ways, Jeff began asking a radical question:

What if everyday people — gamers, designers, artists, marketers — could meaningfully contribute to cancer research without needing a lab coat?

Together, Tonya and Jeff explore how games tap into our deep wiring as problem-solving creatures, why motivation works differently when the challenge is the reward, and how belonging can form when people from wildly different worlds come together around a shared mission.

If you’ve ever felt powerless in the face of a massive problem — or wondered whether your skills could actually matter — this conversation offers a hopeful, grounded, and deeply human reframe.

[05:40] Why humans are wired to solve problems — and how games activate that instinct

[10:55] How game design creates intrinsic motivation (and why homework can’t compete)

[16:30] The moment Gaming Cancer was born during a sleepless night at Stanford

[22:45] Citizen science explained: how everyday players can contribute to real research

[28:10] How the RNA-design game Eterna helped advance vaccine research

[35:20] Why designers and marketers are essential to scientific progress

[41:50] What happens when grief, play, and purpose exist in the same space

[49:05] Why trying something — even without guaranteed success — still matters

[55:40] What to do if you want to help but don’t know where to start

Jeff explains that games aren’t just distractions — they’re beautifully engineered systems that reward curiosity, persistence, and creative problem-solving.

When scientific challenges are embedded into game mechanics, players can unknowingly contribute to real discoveries simply by doing what humans do best: trying to solve the puzzle in front of them.

One powerful example comes from Eterna, a game where players helped design RNA molecules — contributions that played a role in developing coronavirus vaccines stable at room temperature. That’s not hypothetical impact. That’s real science shaped by collective effort.

Cancer often leaves people searching for something they can do.

Fundraising. Awareness. Advocacy. Prevention.

Jeff suggests a fifth path: contribution through skill.

Artists can design.

Marketers can attract players.

Developers can build systems.

Gamers can play — and solve.

Instead of asking people to leave their talents behind, citizen-science games invite them to bring all of who they are into the fight.

One of the most grounding truths in this conversation is simple:

You don’t need certainty to justify action.

Jeff is clear — most scientific progress is incremental. But reframing problems through

Why looking “fine” can be the loneliest place to be.

Some of the freakiest people you’ll ever meet don’t stand out at all.

They blend in. They’re competent, reliable, polished. The ones everyone depends on.

And quietly, they’re barely holding it together.

In this solo follow-up episode, Tonya Kubo reflects on her recent conversation with Rachel Alexandria to explore the hidden cost of being the strong friend, the capable leader, the one who never seems to need help.

This episode is for the high performers who carry what Rachel calls “secret messes”—the overwhelm, anxiety, and emotional labor hidden behind competence and credibility. Tonya unpacks the difference between having it together and holding it together, why competence often becomes armor, and how looking fine can train people not to check on you.

If you’ve ever been praised for being “so put together” while quietly falling apart, this one is for you.

You’ll hear how:

1. Holding it together often looks exactly like having it together—until it doesn’t
2. Competence can become a coping mechanism, not a sign of stability
3. High performers are often invisible inside their own excellence
4. Hyper-responsibility is learned early and rewarded later (at a cost)
5. The strong friend rarely asks for help—and why that’s not a character flaw
6. You don’t have to collapse to deserve care
7. Making yourself easy to say no to can help others feel safe saying yes
8. One honest sentence can open the door to real support

1. 0:00 – 3:10 Holding it together vs. actually being okay
2. 3:11 – 6:45 The curse of competence and hiding in plain sight
3. 6:46 – 10:30 Why the “responsible one” rarely gets checked on
4. 10:31 – 14:50 Competence as armor, not stability
5. 14:51 – 19:20 Hyper-responsibility and growing up in emotional chaos
6. 19:21 – 23:40 Why strong friends wait for someone to notice (and why it rarely happens)
7. 23:41 – 27:30 “I need help” even when you don’t know what that help is
8. 27:31 – 32:10 Being easy to say no to as a path to real connection
9. 32:11 – 36:45 Gentle check-ins vs. pressure, pity, and forced intimacy
10. 36:46 – 41:00 You don’t have to fall apart to deserve support
11. 41:01 – 45:30 A simple practice for strong friends—and...

Why high performers can be the loneliest people in the room.

Some freaks are easy to spot.

Dyed hair. Tattoos. Bold opinions. Loud joy.

And then there are the freaks who look fine.

In this episode of Find Your Freaks, Tonya Kubo sits down with former psychotherapist turned soul medic Rachel Alexandria to talk about the hidden loneliness of high performers — the people who appear successful, capable, and unshakeable… while quietly unraveling inside.

Rachel works with executives, founders, and leaders who carry immense responsibility while suppressing their own humanity. Together, Tonya and Rachel explore why competence can become a mask, how perfectionism and people-pleasing are often survival strategies, and why asking for help feels so dangerous when everyone assumes you’re “the strong one.”

If you’ve ever felt invisible because you seem too capable to worry about — or if you love someone who looks like they have it all together — this conversation will help you see what’s really going on beneath the polish.

1. [04:15] Why high performers are often the most isolated people in the room
2. [08:42] The difference between having it together and holding it together
3. [13:30] How family dynamics and gaslighting disconnect us from our inner knowing
4. [18:55] Burnout, perfectionism, and people-pleasing as survival skills
5. [25:10] How perimenopause, ADHD, and long COVID complicate high achievement
6. [31:40] Why leaders can’t afford to “fall apart” — and what they do instead
7. [38:22] The hidden cost of excellence: “Other things suffered.”
8. [45:05] Why asking for help feels so inconvenient — and so necessary
9. [52:10] How to be a safe person for someone who looks like they don’t need help
10. [58:30] What to do if you’re the one silently struggling

Rachel explains that many high performers learned early that competence equals safety.

Being capable, polished, and self-sufficient became a way to survive — not a sign that they don’t need support.

When everyone assumes you’re fine, your pain goes unseen.

And when vulnerability feels risky, loneliness becomes the price of success.

“There is no gaining of a high level of skill or success without loss.”

In this episode, Tonya and Rachel unpack the uncomfortable truth that achievement always comes with tradeoffs — time, relationships, rest, or health. Burnout often happens when we try to pretend those costs don’t exist.

Slowing down, grieving what’s been lost, and choosing what matters most isn’t weakness.

It’s wisdom.

One of the most powerful moments in the conversation centers on this truth:

You don’t need to know how someone will help — only that you need help.

Rachel shares why trying to solve everything alone eventually stops working, and how naming “I don’t know what I need, but I can’t do this alone anymore” can open the door to real...